they come not single spies,
but in battalions!”
My life is truly nothing to smile about lately and to be quite honest, I am not coping well at all. Due to unforeseen circumstances over the past few days I have missed all scheduled writing. I also was not near my computer in order to capture the information for all the participation in my community so that I could recognize their wonderful and thoughtful efforts.
I feel like a failure in so many senses of the word.
I am at the point where I want to crawl into a cave and disappear to escape the pain and the choices ahead that now engulf me.
Something in my head keeps screaming, “You can’t give up,” and yet I know that in reality, I can if I so choose.
I am struggling and today I don’t care any more.
Quitting life seems like the best option.
Then I remember my sweet daughter, so how can I quit? I must love her enough to continue, but even that doesn’t make me want to try.
But one can’t really quit life short of suicide and that is definitely out of the question. I also don’t know of any nearby caves to crawl in either.
So, I am rather stuck.
I don’t want pity.
I don’t even want sympathy.
I only want to be appreciated for my efforts, sacrifices and have love returned.
Surely, I am at least worth that or is my existence pointless?
Forgive me for falling so short of the mark the past few days. Everything is just too overwhelming right now. Even the battery in my mouse that is at critical low seems to fill my space with unhappiness.
My dad is dying.
My marriage is almost non-existent.
And according to my husband,
My blog is stupid.
I am going to end this “stupid” blog post now, go feel sorry for myself and cry some more. Then I guess I will kick myself in the butt, put on a smile and resume life even if I have to fake it.
One way or the other I will continue to struggle another day.
and patience for the small ones;
and when you have laboriously
accomplished your daily task,
go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
If you wish to comment, please tell us:
- how you cope with tragedy
- how you show love for your family
- how you show respect for your spouse and vice versa
- how you show appreciation for your spouse and vice versa
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