We are all still in different stages of shock.
I want to first say that Alyssa is alive. Those words continue to echo within my head every moment of the day.
It is a miracle.
I can not thank you all enough for your prayers and heartfelt support of Alyssa and my family. Your emails, comments on my blog and in my community have been repeating the words I have known my whole life. However, until now, I have never had so much fear or needed so much support.
It was a fear that filled every cell in my body and ached deep within my soul.
I will try to gather my thoughts and share the experience over the next week of sorrow, fear and now tentative happiness.
Alyssa has a bit further to go, but she is home.
At this point, she continues to have a large portion of her memory missing. Alyssa can recall very little of the last two months and spotty memories of the rest of her life. There are no memories of her seventeenth birthday, a visit from her father, things learned at school, how to drive, prom, and she still thought her puppy was tiny. She is scared and feeling rather lost, so we are hoping for an ever expanding miracle.
I’ve always “believed” that others could accomplish anything. I truly had no doubts. But as my frail, unconscious daughter hung onto life,
my faith wavered,
my soul wrenched with pain,
my mind was tormented with fear and doubt,
while I cried unceasingly.
I feel ashamed for my unbelief and weak spirit. Walking into the darkness, I faltered, stumbled upon my face and simply begged for my more time with my child. I can not thank God enough for answering my prayer with “yes” instead of the “no” that I frequently experience.
The reasons we must trod
Through uphill paths and valleys deep
As we strive to follow God.
At times we feel discouraged
And troubled is our soul,
We question as we wander
‘Lord, why must this be so?’
But then that glowing answer
With wonder hear Him say,
‘My Child, I’ve gone before you;
Just follow Me today…’
So, on and on we’ll wander
And with hand clasped tight in Thine;
Lord, lead me ever onward
And let Your will be mine.
Author, Venessa Litewski