“Laughter is an instant vacation.”
~ Milton Berle ~
Religious Cowboy And The Turtle
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a turtle walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the turtle’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the turtle. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
The Husband, Wife And Cow
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asked him what happened.
“Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it’s rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?”, asked the doctor.
“Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, “Hey! This looks like yours!”
Sunglasses In The Front Seat With The Turtle
Front Seat A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a large tortoise in the front seat. “What are you doing with that turtle?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.”
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the turtle again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that turtle to the zoo!”
The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”
Farmer Fred had a problem arise when, upon preparing his prize bull for market. Farmer Fred was distracted by several things he still needed to do around the farm. While he was lost in thought, the barn door slammed shut and cut off the tail of the prize bull. Today was the day Farmer Fred had been anticipating for months and months. He was going to sell his prize bull, but the accident meant there was no way Farmer Fred could wholesale or retail him.
hee hee hee