But is that really the truth?
I say that belief about Time is a falsehood.
The reality is that Time speeds by when you’re having fun, slows down when you want it to go faster and it completely stops when pain or death appear. Time makes the rules. Time is unfair. Time is unjust. Time never gives you a second chance to go back and do it over. Time is needy. Time is forgetful. Time doesn’t have a boss because Time IS the boss. Time has the last word.
Time has a strange relationship with Love.
When two people fall in love, Time is all over the place…sometimes it goes by too fast and sometimes it drags by too slow. When Love is needy, Time is needier. When Love makes a mistake, Time mocks it. When Love is ignored, Time buries Love in pain and can even kill it.
“Brass shines with constant usage, a beautiful dress needs wearing, Leave a house empty, it rots.” ~ Ovid ~
When Love dies, Time continues, but it erases memories in such a way that when you look back, the bad things are smoothed over and mostly only the good things are remembered. Time softens the hurtful memories of Love, but only after a very long time. In the short term, Time allows Love to suffer with remembrance in every nuance of love and a loving memory.
However, Time keeps regret and fear fueled, alert and present at all times. The memories we wish to forget are the ones that Time keeps intact and fresh. Time is selective when it forgives. Love tries to soften Time, but it is a tall order and sometimes impossible.
It has almost been four years since that harrowing ride to the hospital in the ambulance with Alyssa. In reality, it wasn’t a long ride, but for me Time froze as we all drifted in a slow fog. The person I love most in the world was dying behind me in the ambulance and I was powerless to save her.
Time waved as it passed Love on the highway that day. Love desperately wanted Time to help, but it merely mocked reality and kept moving forward with brief frozen moments filled with fear.
Because of that day and the cruel reality of Time since that experience, Love became more important to me. Actually, Love became the most important thing to me. Love was real before, but Love became everything to me. The place in my heart and soul that loves became deeper than the ocean, bigger than the galaxy and stronger than any element known to man.
Unfortunately, all the people on the planet do not feel that depth of emotional love. Actually, when they meet someone with a heart open and filled with that much love, they often mock, ridicule or take advantage of it.
And Time made sure that I have been punished for loving people that much and for keeping my heart vulnerable.
All the attributes of Love…honest, forgiving, unselfishness, open, fun, passionate, warm, patient…are supposed to be good things to embody. I was always told that loving someone completely would bring happiness. Doesn’t Love have the capability of healing all wounds regardless of Time?
Why don’t people realize that we don’t really have that much time to be together and when someone really loves you, it is a gift that can bring more happiness and joy than the heart can hold. Love is precious. Love should be respected, honored and cherished unselfishly. Love is a priceless gift.
Tonight I wish my heart was just a cold, hard, bitter organ that pumped blood throughout my body and rarely felt unselfish enough to love.
Time has been cruel to me and Loving has become my flaw.