The Husband Application – Mail Order Male Order 36 Questions

by Sherry Riter in Marriage,Marriage series,Relationship

couple - husband application for woman

I’ve had a “marriage” folder on my computer desktop for about six months just waiting for me to write this post so that I could share a little insight with my daughter. That is why I have superimposed her face in all the couple’s photos shown. I thought that if she saw her face at several stages of life, my words might have a bit more meaning. Being divorced has taught me some invaluable lessons about relationships – things to do and things you don’t even think about doing. I guess most importantly and although painfully, the relationships taught me a whole bunch about myself.

Mail Order Brides And Husbands

Mail order brides were first seen on the American frontier when men were migrating to the West in hopes of land. Eventually these men needed women to move to the West so that they could settle down to begin a family. The men started writing letters to churches back East. They also published personal advertisements in newspapers and magazines. Women would write them back with pictures of themselves tucked into the envelopes and thus mail order brides began.

That was back then and this is now.

We still have the same thing now, but we call it online dating sites. For a woman like me, it would be more like a mail order male order – first for dating, then falling in love and marriage. That means, of course, that the male would need to start by completing an application for the role of husband. You may laugh, but in a way, we subconsciously fill out an application for someone while we are dating or contemplating dates with them.

My daughter is still young and so she is dating to look for that match who will be her friend, husband and the father of her future children if she chooses to have kids. I remember being her age, all starry eyed and naive. Oh man was I naive. (rolling my eyes) I’m pretty sure that Alyssa isn’t as naive about life, love and relationships as I was back then. However, I’m a little bit wiser now since I’ve bombed twice at that great union called marriage.

Mail Order Male Order 36 Question Application

I don’t want to repeat mistakes nor do I want to blatantly make new mistakes in my next relationship. So what kind of questions would I have on an application for a future companion for me? Well, let’s see…

  1. What is your name? I love my name. Do you already know it?
  2. Where do you live and how long have you lived there? I live in Richmond, Virginia, love it and have been here since 2000.
  3. How many times have you been married and why are you divorced?
  4. How old are you?
  5. How many children do you have and what are their ages?
  6. Can you speak English? If your answer is no, stop here.
  7. Do you expect me to take care of ALL the finances? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  8. Do you have fetishes such as sleeping in a crib while wearing a diaper (I saw it on a television program!), spanking hard with wooden paddles to leave welts (My mom didn’t do it to me and no one else is either!), etc.? You get the idea. If your answer is yes, stop here.
  9. Do you want us to be swingers or polygamists? If your answer is yes, stop here!!!
  10. Do you think it is okay to have a wife and a mistress? If yes, stop here.
  11. If a woman doesn’t obey you, is it okay to knock her around a bit? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  12. Do you steal? If your answer is yes, stop here and I have an alarm system, so stay away.
  13. Have you spent more time in jail than out of jail? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  14. Do you want me to get a tattoo? If your answer is yes, stop here. I have enough freckles, so I don’t need more markings on my body!
  15. Do you insist that I have more piercings than the one hole in each ear that I already have for earrings? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  16. Do you wear your hair in a funky colored Mohawk? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  17. Is your favorite toy a bomb? If your answer is yes, stop here. I can’t be married to Wylie Coyote.
  18. Is pornography your favorite way to spend an evening? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  19. Do you want to have sex with underage girls? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  20. Do you hate your mother and all women? If your answer is yes, stop here and go get therapy.
  21. When you get home from work are you going to completely ignore me? If your answer is yes, STOP HERE.
  22. Are you going to share all our intimate moments on a blog, Facebook, Twitter or with all your friends? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  23. Do you worship the Devil? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  24. Do you have a problem with my choice of religion or politics if they aren’t the same as yours? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  25. How long do you want to be married? If your answer is less than “til death do us part,” stop here.
  26. Are you going to stare at and be obsessed with every woman’s (cough) body parts when we are out together? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  27. Do you like to argue, scream and fight? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  28. Does it bother you that I’m a nerd? If your answer is yes, stop here.
  29. Have you ever buried a wife in the back yard? If your answer is yes, please give me your address and stop here.
  30. Do you really, really, really love me JUST the way I am EVEN IF I don’t change one thing about myself for the rest of my life? If your answer is yes, continue because you’re looking pretty good so far.
  31. If you’ve made it this far, why do you want to be married?
  32. Would you mind running to the store for me at the last minute or in the middle of the night?
  33. When I get sick are you going to be aggravated because I’m a bit of a whiner?
  34. What do you expect in a relationship?
  35. What do you expect in a wife?
  36. I have lots of hobbies. What do you like to do in your spare time?

You may be laughing at my questions and think that they are mostly silly, but if you really think about it, that is a list of really good questions for me. If you’ve read my blog at least a little bit, you KNOW that they are the perfect questions for a perspective mail order male order husband tailored with me in mind. Actually, they are great questions for my daughter’s perspective partner too.

Although I wanted this to be a fun post, I also wanted it to be serious too. Do I think mail order male order could work? Let me answer it like this…If you’ve ever seen the movie, Sarah, Plain And Tall, then you know the answer is yes. Do I seriously want to order a man and have him shipped to me in a big box with breathing holes in it?

Ummmm, no.

Do I joke and have fun with the mail order male order thing?

I want man #54C3A on page 298 of the Summer catalog.

Yes, I do joke about it, but I would not have a mail order male ordered husband even though it worked out great for Sarah, Plain and Tall.

Alyssa, I want to tell you that there is seriously no rush to find a husband. Actually, you really should take your time, get to know the person, learn who they are and what makes them tick. Then decide if you could live with them for the rest of your life if they stay JUST THE WAY THEY ARE RIGHT NOW. Please don’t have the mindset that you can change him. If you want to change something, change a tire, your outfit or the shower curtain, but don’t think twice about changing him.


That’s easy. You can ONLY change yourself. There’s no way you can change another human being on the face of this planet. Change comes from within, so until a person wants to make a change in their life, it just won’t happen. Furthermore, if someone wants to change, THEY WILL CHANGE and THEY WILL FIND A WAY TO CHANGE. Surely you can look at my battle with PTSD the last four years and KNOW that what I’m saying is true.

My sweet daughter, do you see these lovely pictures of what it might be like when you get older?

older couple - husband application for woman

If the person you choose to be your companion is someone who will hold you when you cry, appreciate your efforts, make you laugh, inspire you when you are down, motivate you when you are lagging, respect you, encourage your dreams, work hard, remain loyal to you when you’re not around, sincerely compliments you when you need it and love you always, then you’ve got a keeper.

Sounds easy doesn’t it?

“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,
half shut afterwards.”
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Philip Bond June 24, 2013 at 2:59 am

Love the humorous items but sadly, there are many that are deadly serious needing a response before thing go too far. Wouldn’t be wonderful if relationships where based upon first, respect then mutual love? Maybe I’m too much the romantic yet I hold out in hope. Love your ‘stuff’ Sherry


2 Sherry Riter June 24, 2013 at 6:24 am

Thank you Philip. Yes, I really think respect does come before love if someone REALLY loves you, but that’s just my opinion. 😀


3 Brent Pope June 24, 2013 at 5:14 am

Very funny stuff, and reading through each item and knowing a bit how your mind works, this list could only have come from you.

Very very entertaining…and #24 Bahahahaha and #29 No, but it was close


4 Sherry Riter June 24, 2013 at 6:27 am

LOLOLOL I think Alyssa is going to get a HUGE LAUGH from this post because she knows how my mind works too 😛 By the way, #20 was close? Well, close only matters when playing horse shoes, so you’re safe 😉


5 Joan June 24, 2013 at 3:12 pm

Loved, loved, loved the pictures of Alyssa as she looks today and getting older! 🙂 And as far as the husband application went, who else but you could have thought up those 36 humorous questions? 🙂


6 Peter Spenser June 25, 2013 at 8:50 pm

You are an absolute hoot!



7 Sherry Riter June 26, 2013 at 6:21 am

😛 I’m glad you laughed 😉


8 Skip_D June 27, 2013 at 6:36 pm

an enjoyable post, definitely – but I know you well enough to realize that this is deadly serious… it’s also a pretty good questionnaire designed to learn important things about someone you haven’t met, to find out whether you want to know him further…

I agree that Alyssa should enjoy this post, but also will find much useful advice that can help her evaluating potential mates… well done!


9 Sherry Riter June 28, 2013 at 6:50 am

Thank you very much Skip!


10 Wendy SHILLAM July 9, 2013 at 10:38 am

I loved your hugely funny list of requirements in a mate. But seriously from my study of human nature as an author I don’t think many of these things count. I think people fall in love when they feel the time is right. That might be related to feelings of vulnerability, biological clocks or optimism. The man or woman they fall for is largely chance, it could be any one of hundreds who they have happened to meet that day, that year. That is why computer dating works. Both parties want the relationship to work. They’ve invested time and hard cash In getting that far.
The real questions your daughter and her man should be asking each other is, what do we want from life, how shall we live, what’s important to us. Marriages are good if they are about growth. Age differences, even kinky habits or completely conflicting tastes are okay if both parties enter into the contract with their eyes open and their minds broad. Marriages fail because people have unreasonable expectations of their spouses and aren’t prepared to give much themselves. To paraphrase Kennedy, ask not what your man will do for you, but what you are prepared to do for the marriage.
That way a relationship can be for life even if both man and woman change, as they surely should.


11 Sherry Riter July 9, 2013 at 9:46 pm

“if both parties enter into the contract with their eyes open and their minds broad” and that is a HUGE “if” and one that I don’t happens THAT often which is proven by the divorce rate.

Although I joke and am light hearted in this post, most of those questions are very important to me. For instance, do I want to be married to

  • someone who only wants to be married for a couple years?
  • someone that loves to argue, scream and fight?
  • someone who insists that I change my religion or political views?

No. Those are really non-negotiable things for me. I can’t live with someone who screams at me all the time no matter what other wonderful traits he possesses. It’s a deal breaker. Of course, if he buried his wife in the back yard, most people would agree that is a deal breaker too. 😉

Anyway, I do understand what you are saying. I just believe that all the factors matter. People’s minds are not that broad and open, nor are their hearts that forgiving. Since I am now much older with experience under my belt, I want a naturally peaceful relationship and I’m not going to settle for anything other than that – I don’t want a relationship where it is a struggle to find peace.

Thanks so much for your comment! I love discussing my posts! 😀

By the way…I know a few people who met on the computer and others who met through a dating service and they are still happily married!


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