You can be pressured to choose one way or the other, but ultimately the final choice is completely yours.
For the past two weeks I’ve had what I call foggy brain. It is the curse of PTSD. When I finally started dreaming at night, the fog lifted a bit because as my therapist said, “The brain will be throwing things out.” I think it is akin to defragmenting the computer and in many ways, that’s how it feels.
When I’m suffering foggy brain, it is hard to think rational thoughts that are all stuck together and I don’t dream.
Oh my goodness, it is so frustrating.
No dreaming means I will keep the foggy brain for yet another day. So each morning when I awake from a dreamless sleep, I still have the same jumbled mess in my head.
This is the path, however, that I must follow in order to completely heal. So I do the things that I know will assist in getting rid of foggy brain. I sleep, relax and try not to stress myself over little things.
Last night, I told myself that I was going to lay down for “just a minute” and I kept my glasses on to ensure that I didn’t fall asleep.
Funny logic and it didn’t work. I fell asleep with my glasses on my face. Since I don’t move AT ALL while I sleep, my glasses remained safely in place. Maybe the glasses helped me to find the path back to my healing because I dreamed all night long. I don’t remember the dreams, but I know I was dreaming because I woke up in a terrorized sweat.
You may not have PTSD or foggy brain, but whatever your struggles, they are uniquely yours to solve on this path of life. Other people can help you if you choose to draw them into your world, but ultimately the choices along that path are entirely your choices.
I’ve chosen to share a lot of this journey of healing with you so that you can see it is possible to conquer a monumental problem. Although I haven’t completely conquered it, I won’t stop until I’ve won.
That’s a promise to you, but mostly to myself because I know there are times that I must stand completely alone on the path and it is scary, lonely and often dark.