The Best Things In Life Are Unseen – Being Brutally Honest With Myself

by Sherry Riter in Lessons of Life,Love

kissing with eyes closed

“The best things in life are unseen,
that’s why we close our eyes
when we kiss, cry and dream.”
~ Unknown ~

Alyssa was gone for nine days visiting her father and extended family. She had a wonderfully marvelous time and I am so happy for her. Alyssa’s father took the time off and spent it with her doing fun things, but most importantly he spent the time with her one-on-one.

While Alyssa was gone, I obviously had a lot of time to think about me – my past, present and future. I would have to say that it was rough being brutally honest with myself. Four of the nine days I didn’t blog because not only was my PTSD giving me “foggy head,” but I was feeling rather sad.

Today I went back over the posts that I wrote and it really told a lot about me if you read between the lines. I’m going to make it easy for you and tell you what I see between the lines.

In the first post of the stretch, I started off by telling you about a symptom of my PTSD that really puts a kink in my daily life. Unfortunately, it is still running rampant whenever and however it pleases. Tonight I left the front door key in the lock with the car key dangling from the same key ring. I’ve never done that before and it was a bit unnerving, but the world didn’t end so I’m not going to dwell on it. Just know that the Now You See It, Now You Don’t – PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptom is not fun.

The next day, I really needed to write something upbeat, so it was quite easy to post Funny Quotes & Pictures Because I Like To Laugh. The post made me laugh out loud which helped to accomplish my end goal of boosting my spirit if only for a brief time.

Love was the next thing on the agenda. My ultimate goals in life have always been to be loved especially as a wife, mother and writer. Sounds simple doesn’t it? What is that unseen thing we call love? Who Said That Love Was Fire? poetically answers the question in a few short sentences.

Thinking about love caused me to think about people who have cared for me – family, friends I see and friends I know via the Internet. The past three years of struggling with PTSD has been the hardest, scariest and most painful I’ve ever experienced. The Acts Of Kindness In The Depths Of Despair kept me afloat in my ocean of darkness.

The kindness of some people highlighted the selfishness in other people. Going through those experiences and thinking about all those people this week had me tallying up my life. I am loved by family and friends. I see it and know it. However, after two failed marriages, one of the ultimate goals in my life remains a failure. On a particularly lonely night with my heart aching, I revealed that I want Somebody To Love Me. “‘Cause I’m hurt and I’m scared and I’m lonely, all I want is somebody to want me ‘cause I’ve got so much to give.” Once again, it sounds simple, but obviously it must not be if I’ve had two marriages bomb.

I logically know that I can’t “make” someone want me, want to be with me or love me. Those unseen emotions are truly things that no one can force from another human being. Just “knowing” that two people “let me go” makes me feel about as important as a gnat on a discarded old sneaker in the back of the closet. I’m sure my therapist would say that I’m giving both exes too much of my power, but it is a huge self-esteem buster to know that not one, but two people found that I didn’t have much “wifely value” to them. How could I be valueless when I gave everything I was over a 24 year span?

Well, that extremely personal and introspective post expressed the excessive pain that has surfaced in my heart, so I needed to temper it with humor which led to yesterdays’ Chuckle of the Day – Texas, Smile, Cupid, Laugh. They weren’t the funniest I’ve ever shared, but they did give me some chuckles.

Chuckling wasn’t enough to shake the feeling of loneliness and rejection inside my soul. The best things in life are not seen as a tangible item such as a house, car, tree or mountain. However, love can be seen in expressions of self-sacrifice, heard in sweet words and felt in warm embraces.

“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you…
but trusting them not to.”
~ Unknown ~

My grandparents, great grandparents and both exes parents stayed married to the same person all their lives. That one act speaks volumes about them. Obviously I won’t be able to have that same one marriage experience. The really sad part is that the two marriages I’ve had has left me “scared to let someone in” because I “can’t bear to get hurt again” even though I want “to share my life and know my dreams.” It is really a terrible dilemma – open my heart to take a chance and find real love that will grow old with me or stay hidden and lonely with the broken dreams of the past.

Trusting love is not an easy task after my heart has been ripped out of my chest and trampled upon. I took my own advice and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror while saying out loud, “Why would someone want and love you as a wife?” All I saw was a pained, blank stare from hazel eyes. After a couple minutes I walked away from the mirror without an answer. Instead I had another question. “Will anyone love the real me?”

I think my soul is lost in the darkness of rejection and fear. A reassuring and comforting hug would be nice right now. So would a loving kiss that blotted out all thought.

kiss eyes closed black and white

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Skip_D March 27, 2013 at 4:42 am

{{{huggssss}}} :*


2 Sherry Riter March 27, 2013 at 7:05 am

😀 Thanks!


3 Sue March 27, 2013 at 7:38 am

Some lucky man is waiting in the shadows for you, I just know it.


4 Sherry Riter March 27, 2013 at 9:10 am

Wonder if he knows it? LOL LOL

Thank you Sue!


5 Kristi West March 27, 2013 at 7:58 am

Well, girlie, it seems our lives run a bit parallel. Even though our circumstances and experiences make us miles apart–literally and figuratively–deep down we’re grappling with some of the same issues. Perhaps it’s not all due to ptsd. It may be the age and stage of life we are in as we look in retrospect at our lives and ahead at the coming events. There’s something about having an age that starts with “5” that is daunting. I am grappling with some of those same issues of wondering if any man will ever want me. This last relationship I went through was the closest I got to actually thinking it might happen and then it was ripped away. The only thing that has kept me going is knowing that God loves me so incredibly that I can feel it and I can see it every day. I am clinging to what I *do* have rather than what I *don’t* have. It’s still a struggle, though. {sigh} Hang in there.


6 Sherry Riter March 27, 2013 at 9:10 am

I knew you were hurt badly in your last relationship because of all the things you didn’t say and my heart broke for you. I realized then that we were very alike in many ways. Thank you for your comment today. {{{hugssss}}}


7 Stéfan March 27, 2013 at 10:18 am



8 Sherry Riter March 27, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Thank you Stéfan!! {{{hugsss back}}}


9 Young Werther March 27, 2013 at 10:55 pm

Somewhere out there, there is that special someone. You can’t rush things like this.. I’m sure I’ve recounted this tale, knew this guy, he is an albino, almost blind, wondered what lady would (or could) ever love him. Against all odds,he met someone, fell in love and they now have a lovely kid. He wasn’t in his 20s, nor 30s but 40s. It was a long time coming….


10 Sherry Riter March 28, 2013 at 12:24 pm

That is a beautiful story!

I am really a verrrrrrrrrrry patient person. Actually, I am the most patient person I know and I know that matters of the heart can’t be rushed. However, I’m not getting any younger and at times, I feel rather lonely with only my regrets to keep me company. 🙁 That’s kind of a bummer. So, with that being said, your first three words, “Somewhere out there” has that song stuck in my head. You know the one from An American Tail? LOL


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