White is associated with clean, fresh, new, pure, peace, beginnings, death, the hottest hot, formal attire, virtue and innocence.
I also associate it with sugar, bread, whipped cream, milk, vanilla bean ice cream, glaze on Krispy Kreme doughnuts, snow, new sneakers, crisp sheets, sheep, cotton balls, my non-tanned skin AND gardenias which happens to be my favorite flower.
I have lovely memories associated with gardenias.
There were lots of gardenia bushes in the flower beds in the home that I lived in when I young.
I remember smelling them during the summer as I was falling to sleep. Back then we didn’t have air conditioning, so we had fans in the windows. I would go to sleep at the foot of my bed so that I could feel the breeze and wouldn’t be so hot at night. Since the gardenia bushes were outside my window, I could smell their beautiful fragrance.
Not too many years ago, I plucked a couple gardenia petals off a flower and said to Alyssa, “Look!” When she turned around to look at me, I had put a petal over each nostril and I was sucking it to keep them stuck there for her to see. I looked silly as can be and she laughed, so it was a mission accomplished moment.
On Monday, I hope to have a fresh, new, clean beginning. You see, I finally found another trained professional to help me with my PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I’ve had two psychologists thus far, but I am past the point of just talking about my PTSD and the trauma that caused it, reading about it or thinking about it. So after much research, I have found someone that specializes in helping people with trauma and PTSD. Finding someone with that specialty hasn’t been an easy task. So much about PTSD is just not understand and that has been the really sad part about trying to recover.
Anyway, I am really looking forward to my appointment and I have hope, albeit guarded hope that I will get my whole self back again. It is almost incomprehensible that I could get rid of this albatross, but since this is my third therapist, maybe the numbers are on my side. You know the saying, “Third times the charm!”
New beginnings. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?