Sometimes the last thing you want to do is to be involved in a discussion, so I’m going to help you with the Top 23 Ways To Avoid Any Discussion.
I must confess…I started writing this post while driving to work and have silently laughed about it all day because I can imagine how my prim and proper mother is going to react when she reads it.
So with my best announcer voice, here is the…
Top 23 Ways To Avoid Any Discussion
23 Act like you can’t hear anything that is being said.
22 Pick up a book or magazine and start reading it.
21 Whistle…especially a non-tune.
20 Start complimenting the other person and staring at each body part for a lo-o-o-o-ong time as you go on and on about it.
19 Pull out the cell phone camera and start taking pictures of everything in the room.
18 Breathe like you are about to give birth. You know, “heee heee heee hoooo hooo hooo.”
17 Hold up your hand and say, “Talk to the hand, not to the face.”
16 Turn your head and put your nose up in the air dramatically. Sniff. Keep sniffing like you smell something terrible and then look at the other person accusationally.
15 Stare blankly out the window like you’re in a catatonic state.
14 Tell the person to shut up.
13 Run to the bathroom screaming, “Montezuma’s revenge has hit me!”
12 Act obsessed with chewing gum and blow big bubbles. If they pop on your face, spend an excessive amount of time talking about how hard it is to remove popped bubbles. This topic works especially well if you have a beard or mustache.
11 Start talking about how much you want to have sex…right now.
10 Repeat everything the other person says to you. Repeat everything the other person says to you. Repeat everything the other person says to you.
9 Complain about all the aches and pains you feel in your aging body. Groan a lot while talking.
8 Leap up and start doing jumping jacks. Count out loud in a shouting voice. If you’re a woman, keep repeating, “I want to get buff like G.I. Jane!” and if you’re a man say, “I can be just like Rocky!”
7 Pretend that you only speak Spanish and say, “Yo no hablo Inglés” which means, “I do not speak English.”
6 Throw your head back and stare aimlessly at the ceiling.
5 Ask if the other person can hear the noise. You know, THAT noise. Don’t you hear it?
4 Scream, “O-o-o-o-oh! I think my appendix needs to be removed right now!!”
3 Grab your stomach with one hand and cover your mouth with the other as you say, “I think I’m going to barf.” Then make gagging, heaving noises.
2 Act like you see a bug flying around your head. Use your hands to flap at it in the air. Act frustrated that you can’t seem to kill it.
And now the best way to avoid any discussion…
1 Start picking your nose.
Well…it may be gross, but it will get you out of the discussion!