People Shave and I Butcher

by Sherry Riter in Beauty,Sherry

Years ago when I first started blogging, I wrote a post called Men Do Not Read This… and guess what? Of course, men read it, but I received a lot of great advice for my shaving dilemma from the women.

Actually, I have used that great advice for years now and it has helped to prevent razor rash on my sensitive, pale skin. It was much needed advice because I had already tried:

  • Nair
  • men’s shaving cream
  • single blade, double blade, triple blade, quadruple blade
  • nick guard blade
  • soap
  • shaving with a lighter touch
  • not shaving as often
  • waxing at home
  • shaving in one direction

Although I have fair skin and rarely wear shorts, I still want everything to be silky smooth. I learned many things from that post like many women do not shave very often! I had no idea, so that was a real revelation! On the flip side, one of the great tips that I learned from that blog post of long ago, I immediately put into effect. The suggestion was to start using conditioner instead of shaving cream. Yep, it totally worked! I no longer got razor rash anywhere!!

Before I finish my “current” story, let me first tell you about the time I tried waxing at home. We had just moved to Virginia and I had made a bunch of changes in my life. I decided that I would try to save time by not having to shave every day. The best solution seemed to be waxing. I decided that since I can do anything, surely I could also wax my body at home.

After a visit to the nearest beauty supply, I got home with an armful of products. I was actually excited that I wouldn’t have to shave for a month if everything went according to plan.

The first step was to melt the wax without getting it too hot. That wasn’t too hard. Next, I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I had to apply something to my skin so the wax wouldn’t stick. It was really easy too. Then with a wooden stick, I had to smear the wax on the skin, cover it with the cloth strip, press slightly, wait a few seconds and then pull it off.

Sounds easy doesn’t it?

The big question was where should I begin this waxing thing? Now a logical person would probably choose an ankle or calf, but that isn’t the place I chose. Oh, no, no, no. I figured since I was going to do my entire leg, I would start at the top and go all the way down. I am a methodical person and that just made sense.

Yeah, go ahead and cringe now.

I slathered the wax on my leg at the bikini line. Well, actually I couldn’t really call it my “leg” because it was a much more sensitive spot of skin than my leg. Anyway, it was time to pull the cloth and yank out the hair.

With the first small tug, I quit. It was too painful! What was I going to do now? I couldn’t live with wax stuck there and I was too wimpy to yank it off! Why, oh why did I choose THAT spot to begin this new procedure?

Alyssa was only seven years old at the time and pretty much thought I had lost my mind. I begged her to yank the fabric off for me, but she had been watching and heard my initial scream. She looked at me with big brown eyes and asked, “Why do you always do this kind of stuff?”

That has been the story of my life…in one pickle and then onto the next just like Lucille Ball in “I Love Lucy”.

Eventually…like two hours later, Alyssa agreed to help and finally yanked off the cloth, wax, part of my skin and pride with it. The only thing even close to correct in the directions on the box of wax was that I wouldn’t need to shave for a month. I didn’t need to shave because it took that long to grow skin again!

I told you to cringe!!! Looking back now it is a bit funny.

So what happened today?

I’m getting to it.

I did learn my lesson to not wax at home. I did not learn, however, that I should not use up and down motions, shave when I’m tired or work too quickly around important areas.

When using conditioner on the skin instead of shaving cream, there is one piece of advice that is critical to remember and one of my readers said it best: “The only downside is it gets a little too slippery to handle.”

Late last night I was tired and actually started to prepare to go to bed earlier than usual, but when I got in the shower I decided to shave anyway (MISTAKE #1). I smeared the conditioner all over while the bathroom filled with steam. Everything was going great with the shaving, but with all that warm fog billowing around me, I started to get really sleepy. Being sleepy on top of being tired is not a good combination. I was shaving in every direction trying to get the job done faster (MISTAKE #2). I was pretty close to being done, so I wasn’t really paying that much attention (MISTAKE #3) even though I was shaving one of those important areas (MISTAKE #4).

True to Murphy’s Law, the razor handle was too slippery and the triple edged razor sunk into skin. Can I just say it hurt pretty dang bad? As a matter of fact, it has hurt all day long. You see, well you don’t see and won’t be seeing, that it is in a very bad place to cut. I am constantly reminded of my fiasco every time I move any body part.

As a matter of fact, I don’t even need to move a body part. It just hurts without any provocation and I’m a wimp.

While lying down waiting to heal today, I tried to come up with a battle and safety plan for my daily shaving so that it doesn’t become an adventure. So far, I’ve thought of nothing. However, if anyone needs help shaving, um….don’t ask me because while other people shave, I butcher.

Yes, Mom and Alyssa, I did blog about it.

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Joan December 29, 2011 at 3:50 am

Redhead Riter, after reading this post, (and believe me it hurt to read it – OUCH!), I think that it is time that you become "A Natural Woman." At least then you won't have to worry about butchering yourself!


2 Brooke @ Covered in Grace December 29, 2011 at 9:35 am

Oh man! This reminded me of an email that I've seen floating around…where the poor woman tries giving herself a Brazilian at home and ends up adhering herself to the bottom of the bathtub. haha.

I sympathize with you. Cuts from razors hurt so badly for way too long. =/
I actually use that exact razor that you've pictured here. I love it, and only use water with it.
I've never had razor burn once since I started using them a few years ago. Yay!


3 Danielle-Marie December 29, 2011 at 4:02 pm

One of many reasons why legs are so fuzzy. Haha.

Just wanted to let you know, I tagged you in my most recent post. Check it out when you have time!


4 Kristi December 29, 2011 at 4:48 pm

LOL! Funny story but sorry that you're battle scarred. I've often wondered about the waxing. I bought one of those boxes of wax strips that you can use for eyebrows. Supposedly you just heat up the already waxed strip in your hands, apply, and rip it off. I think I was too much of a wimp too because I couldn't get much hair off that way. I call those ideas "stupid tax." LOL


5 ruthhill74 December 30, 2011 at 10:02 pm

I tried to wax, and the hair wouldn't come off! I had no problem getting the wax off, but no hair came with it! What a bummer!

Sounds like you had a bad experience. At least my hair is not as dark and coarse as it was when I was younger!


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