How To Cope With Change While Being On God’s Black List

by Sherry Riter in Change,PTSD,Rockin' Friend,Self-Development  ,Woo Us To Your Blog


I am a professional at watching the sun slowly dip into the horizon. There have been times that I raced to the highest place possible so that I could see just a few more minutes of the sun. Every time I have watched the sun’s wild display of colors as it sets in the evening, I am always amazed at how quickly the whole sky changes.

The sunset is never the same and we enjoy the changes in colors each day.

Like the sunset, life is filled with changes and nothing is ever the same no matter how hard we wish it to be or try to force it. This lesson of change is still something I struggle with constantly.

I find peace in the same old things. Is that bad? I keep asking myself if it is bad to be satisfied with the lack of change because for seven years my life has been filled with it. Most of the changes have been unwanted and I’m pretty sure I complained and whined during them all.

Connie Sky said, “Embrace change. True success can be defined by your ability to adapt to changing circumstances.” Well, I have pondered her sentiments for a very long time and wondered if I held myself back by my reluctance to embrace changes. That possibility is really hard for me to wrap my mind around.

Am I my own worst enemy?

After much soul searching and contemplation, I believe that I know exactly why I resist change. Here is my bold revelation…I don’t want to be hurt.

Earth shattering isn’t it?

Many times people have talked about change and fear, but I really didn’t think it applied to me. Let me just say, I WAS SO WRONG!

My fear of the unknown fills me with so much anxiety that sometimes I am paralyzed into inaction. The possibility of pain is almost too much for me to bear. I have actually missed out on wonderful opportunities because of my hesitation in the face of change.

When my life completely fell apart during the last year, I had no power to stop any of the events that took place. I even lost the ability to control my own mind while experiencing PTSD flashbacks. During it all, I felt like I was floundering like a fish laying on the river bank without water. Suffocation was imminent and I couldn’t see any way out of the peril.

I kept thinking through all the pain that I must be a really bad person and that God didn’t love me very much. I started telling family and friends that I was on God’s black list. Thinking that my Creator found me less than desirable only added to my sadness and inability to cope.

What have I learned?

  • People I love are going to die and it is going to be very painful. When they are gone, a piece of me will forever be missing.
  • Everyone has the freedom to make their own choices and the right to completely ignore me even if I actually offer good advice.
  • Just because people are in a family doesn’t mean that they will be there for you when you hit the bottom. Sometimes they are so consumed with their own lives and problems that they are incapable of helping you and others just don’t care.
  • Some people are selfish and ungrateful and no matter what you do or say, they will always be selfish and ungrateful.
  • Our body and health are temporary.
  • No one knows what will happen in a minute, hour, month or year. Live in the moment and enjoy as many as humanly possible.
  • Life is short. No. Life is very, very short.
  • I am important.
  • It takes two to save a relationship. I can’t save it all alone. In order for a relationship to grow, love has to be a verb more often than at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
  • I am a very loving and unselfish person. I have given and sacrificed a lot for the people I love and even if they don’t appreciate it, the sacrifices helped to positively mold my character.
  • I have regrets, but dwelling on them will not ever change the situation.
  • I have been hurt and am still hurt, but one thing is for sure…eventually the pain will end.
  • Never give up on yourself.
  • I love my blog. Alright. I know that was very random and probably made you read it twice, but I love my blog because it has become my friend. It listens. It doesn’t judge me. It is always there whenever I need it. My blog makes me feel better.

I have several big unpleasant things I have to do over the next year and there are rumors of another big layoff at my work again too. So I am just trying to do my best each day, remain positive and keep happiness in my life.

One thing I know for sure…I have definitely changed and things that were beautiful before are even more beautiful now. Do you know what is the best of all? I have hope again. Maybe it is just a little bit, but it is a whole lot more hope than I had two years ago.

“We must accept finite disappointment,
but we must never lose infinite hope.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~

Rockin' Friends Spotlight of the Week

Now, the time we have all been waiting for…(drum roll) This is the weekly post where I spotlight my Rockin’ Friends who are the Top Nine active participants and loyal followers in my community which has THE BEST people in the world
! If you want to be mentioned here next week, then all it takes is to come in and start chatting with everyone in
my community.

Below are a few discussions going on in my community :

With a big, heartfelt thank you for their participation and friendship, here are the Rockin’ Friends this week in order of most participation.

I’m so glad that I’ve been able to become friends with these wonderful people who are so active in my community. I encourage you to add their blogs to your blogroll, but also come over and chat with us in my community.

For everyone mentioned in the top nine this week, feel free to grab the Rockin’ Friend badge below and thank you for your participation!!

Rockin' Friend

Until next week…Kiss your family, hug your friends and don’t forget to be the friend you would like to have around.

Woo Us To Your Blog

As always, attached is the weekly Linky to enter either the main URL to your site or add each post you publish throughout the week. You don’t have to do anything special, just drop your link in and get a little extra exposure to your site.

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Michael Ann October 24, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Wow, this is a really unique and interesting blog! I found you through the Monday Mingle.

I LOVED your post about change. I am in the thick of feeling exactly like that RIGHT NOW. Really struggling. It made me feel not so alone to read your words this morning, thank you.

Your "Woo us to your blog" feature is a great idea. I'll give it a try.

Nice to "meet" you. My mom is a red head, btw 🙂

Michael Ann
Thinking in My Head


2 athelda October 24, 2011 at 4:42 pm

As women/moms, we're nesters! Change is often our kryptonite;) I've lived in 4 different states and can absolutely relate to surprising changes. One song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" by Sara Groves, kind of stirred my heart about change. We have to remind ourselves over and over, what's really important!


3 Joan October 24, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Simply a phenomenal post, Redhead Riter! I loved it, because it shows that you are no longer resisting change, rather you are accepting that change happens in everyone's life whether we want it or not, and you are now even becoming philosophical about change! :o)


4 Pam at Antique or Not October 24, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Thanks so much for giving us something deeper to think about than "what am I cooking for dinner tonight?".

I have a feeling that the next time life kicks me in the head that I'll be coming back to find this post to help me put it all in perspective.



5 ArtMuseDog and Carol October 24, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Great post ~ you are healing ~ takes time ~ The one constant we have in life is change ~ hugs and namaste, Carol ^_^


6 Teresa Wilkinson The Storyteller October 25, 2011 at 2:25 am

HI Red! Wow I love this post. You know where I have been and something in your words gave me the feeling your about to cross another bridge I have crossed and found love again on the other side. I hated that change. It almost killed me as you know. This last year I have done better with change I still waller at times. Lost in despair not knowing exactly how to handle the current change and learning my triggers you will learn yours too. I know you will. This post is so healing I have great hope and joy for you my friend. I see you beginning to enjoy change good bad or ugly it is all beautiful. It is life and life is worth it.


7 Pumped on Caffeine October 25, 2011 at 2:45 am

Great post, thank you for sharing.


8 PJ October 25, 2011 at 5:40 am

Hey Red! Thank you for stopping by! I was VERY PLEASANTLY SURPRISED! Another reason for you to love your blog is that it brought you a whole bunch of new friends. You are definitely well loved by especially those of us in your community.

NO, you're not on God's Black List! LOL! He understands what your are going through and is there for you if you will just talk to Him. I know that is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. My hubby thinks I'm nuts because I'll be taking a bath with the door shut and just be talking away. Hubby will call to me asking what I want and I tell him I wasn't talking to you, I'm talking to God. OK, that's strange! I don't know what's going on with this comment box now. It's typing one word at a time on a line and then moving the previous word up. Kind of like when you use "Center Justification on a document. You know, how it starts in the middle and types backward? Anyway, Just wanted to stop by and say hi. We haven't corresponded in a while, so I was excited when I saw that you had visited me.

God Bless, PJ


9 KathyMorelli October 25, 2011 at 11:39 am

Wow, Red! Loved this post. It is very insightful. It so hits on the realities of life, the disillusions we all face. Yes there are alot of selfish & self-absorbed people and there are I think, there are (fewer) people who are capable of being unselfish and giving. Being a therapist sometimes makes me despair for the human race, as I cannot believe what ppl inflict upon each other. And then I browse the web and see some pretty awful stuff and then I see some pretty great stuff! And your community is a pretty good place for me to make friends. I think we all feel like we are on God's black list sometimes, and then we hopefully realize this is an illusion…love Kathy


10 katlupe October 25, 2011 at 10:45 pm

Red, I know exactly how you feel, but life changes and we have to go on. I am glad to see you are moving on.


11 Carol May 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

“If there was no change, there would be no butterflies.”


12 The Redhead Riter May 30, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Very well spoken.


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