I Can Not Change Another Person

by Sherry Riter in Abuse,Affair,Change,Lessons of Life,Self-Development  

Being loved

If I say…

“Please listen”

“Jerry Springer”

“Who is the Daddy?”

“She said, He said”

“Don’t yell at me!”

“Law Enforcement”

Can you guess their commonality?

No? Well, that’s okay because I’m going to tell you. All of the above share the same attribute, that of conflict and drama. Actually, where you find conflict, you will also find drama.

Drama is fantastic if you are watching movies like Air Force One, Twilight, Guns of Navarone, Braveheart, The Notebook, Gone With The Wind, and the list could go on and on, but you get the point. I love this kind of drama and conflict. Being taken away for a couple hours into a different world of intrigue is exciting because it is temporary fantasy and entertaining. However, it is only entertaining because I know it is temporary fantasy.

On the flip side, conflict in life is often not only unwelcome, it is involved in painful dramatic situations. We can not control everything that goes on around us, but we can control ourselves meaning the manner we speak to others, information we learn, places we visit, thoughts we dwell on, and people we choose to associate.

Women as a gender make a fatal relationship mistake…they think they can cha-a-a-ange their man. I want to tell you boldly and with a loud voice that YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON. I’m sure everyone that needed to hear that message stopped reading at the last period and has already clicked the “x” in the top right hand corner to get away from my words, but I will continue anyway.

The person you are spending time with is the person you are spending time with and that’s it. If you are being yelled at, physically abused, neglected, rejected, or cheated on over and over again, it will continue because YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON. If you are hooked on the conflict and drama brought about by your mistreatment at the hands or words of another, more than likely, you need therapy or at the least, that person should be booted out of your life.

Do you have the tendency for drama? Are you hooked on the drama of another person’s life to the point that your compassionate emotions are exploited for their gain? For instance, have you ever found a website requesting money with a long story of sadness attached? I’m not talking about The United Way or The Red Cross. In it’s extreme form, the diagnosis is “Münchausen by Internet” which simply means that the internet user fakes an illness in order to obtain internet notoriety and money. This is the ultimate in internet drama and nothing short of the real life crisis can compare to the conflict or emotions generated by the continued escalation of tragedy.

Why are people so drawn to drama and conflict like moths to a flame? Why do we open our wallets and hearts so quickly during these episodes of unhappiness? I do not have the answers, but what I do know is that people who are phony online or in real life are eventually exposed. If we give to them honestly, we will have exhibited the best of humanity albeit in ignorance of the truth. Unfortunately, we should be wary. Do the homework to ensure that you are not being conned before you give funds in the mail or over the internet. If you enjoy being engulfed with conflict and drama on a blog, well, more power to you! However, if the tragedy or the people involved begin to encroach on your every thought and action, you might need to step back and regroup yourself.

I do not like real life, unhappy drama or conflict. In a way, I am a wimp. I like smooth, easy going relationships of equal give and take. When I call, I want to know that the person on the other end of the phone values a conversation with me instead of only talking to me out of obligation or not talking to me at all because they just let the phone go to voice mail all the time. If I have to beg someone to spend time with me, then obviously, the person doesn’t value my company. So if we are begging for attention and our conversations are treated as chores, then why remain in the relationship? Remember, we have already covered that YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON, so surely that wasn’t the answer. If you just thought, “People change” then my only question to you is, “Are you young, healthy and rich enough for a long ride?”

Don’t get me wrong because I am just like many others who see the good and overlook the unpleasant in other people. I really have to be pushed to the very, very edge before I simply cut someone out of my life and it doesn’t happen often. However, I do not like conflict and drama because both usually bring pain. Let me be totally clear…I really dislike emotional pain, so I constantly tell myself with a loud voice in my head, I CAN NOT CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON.

Guess what? Unfortunately, I’m right.

“To love someone is nothing,
to be loved by someone is something,
but to be loved by
the one you love is everything”


The Redhead Riter


This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Oh Sew Good March 24, 2010 at 11:39 am

Believe it or not, I really enjoyed your post today. It's something we all need reminding of more often than not. As for the solicitation via blogs, I 100% agree. Stay clear of those!


2 Mrs. Claus March 24, 2010 at 12:51 pm

This was really well said.

A lot of women I know have been "tricked" into thinking they CAN change their husbands after they marry them, and it's sad. But there are just as many women out there, who have good husbands, who are trying to create drama where it doesn't exist. This leaves the husbands with the only option to believe that ALL women thrive on drama.

Thanks for this, and I agree with the drama created online, it's kinda scary that you have to research blogs and email before you allow your emotions to get involved.


Leave a Comment

"How rare and wonderful is that flash of a moment
when we realize we have discovered a friend."

~William E. Rothschild~

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I respond back to all comments.


Previous post:

Next post: