Some are good.
Some are bad.
The bad relationships are painful, but they teach you valuable lessons.
“The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.” ~ Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook ~
Years ago I had a long distance relationship.
I thought it was good.
It turned out to be quite bad.
I did learn several important lessons by having that relationship. With my heart open and vulnerable, it was easy to get hurt and blinded to the other person’s fatal flaws.
He was a cheater.
Not just once.
He was a chronic cheater.
While I sat home being faithful and true, he was dating lots of other women.
I think I heard every excuse possible for not answering the phone.
“I was sleeping.”
“The battery on my phone was dead.”
“I was in the shower.”
“My phone fell between the cushions of the couch and I couldn’t hear it ring.”
“I left my phone at my sister’s house.”
“The phone was in the other room and I didn’t hear it ringing.”
“My phone never rang.”
“I was getting gas and left the phone in the car.”
All in all the “reasons” for not answering the phone seem normal, however, he hardly ever answered his phone. After hearing the same excuses over and over, it was easy to doubt the veracity of any words that came out of his mouth.
In order for any intimate relationship to work, whether it is long distance or not, both people have to desire the same type of union.
Personally, I feel that if you are engaged, you don’t date other people. Obviously, he didn’t feel the same way.
During one phone conversation he said something that has stuck with me through the years.
I was trying to make us both feel better about the distance between us and said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
He was quiet for a moment and said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.”
That should have been my clue, but I was rather naive.
Once we ended the relationship, I stopped using the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” because every time I started to say it, I could hear him end it with, “for someone else.”
Do I believe that…no.
Not if both people really love each other.
However, I do believe that if someone doesn’t really love you, then it doesn’t matter if they are far away or close, the relationship will not be successful.