So what does authentic mean? I bet you can’t guess who is going to tell you the definition.
authentic: not false or an imitation : real, actual
Rather than have people reject our authenticity and because of our secret dark side, we often keep our authentic self private. Think about it. Why show our vulnerabilities and bad traits? That would just make it easier for people to reject us.
Obviously, since I have shared SO MUCH on my blog, I believe we should reveal our real, authentic self so that we can be truly loved during our life. Not just loved, but loved, supported, understood and forgiven.
Now grasp this and hear me out. We are not afraid of love or loving. What we really fear is not being loved back which is in essence just another way of being rejected. But isn’t it true that in the end, we regret the things we didn’t try far more than any mistakes we might have made while attempting to succeed? So if that is true, then showing our real self with all our flaws is a win-win because if someone loves you, they REALLY love YOU – all of YOU in spite of YOU! Doesn’t that make sense?
After having my heart broken, the last thing I wanted to do was love anyone…and I mean anyone and EVERYONE. The pain from the rejection was as tangible as a tree, flower or the floor beneath your feet. It was also an all-consuming pain that filled me with self-doubt and self-loathing because I felt that I had failed. When you give EVERYTHING to someone and they reject you, it is VERY easy to have your self-esteem plummet to the depths of a black abyss. Then again, when you give everything, how can that be failure? It is such an emotional catch 22.
Even after some healing, that type of experience leaves a lasting effect on the heart, at least it has for me. The scar tissue is raw…very raw. All those years of rejection has left me fearful of ever being hurt like that again. That leaves two choices: Never love again or open my heart to another possibility of love. I’m not the only person faced with those choices. No one is exempt from this reality. Everyone has the same two choices in every relationship – risk giving and receiving love or lock up the heart.
How can we be guaranteed authentic love?
(clearing my throat and turning my head to the side slightly)
Unfortunately, there is no guarantee in love and definitely no guarantee that the love will be authentic. Often, people “fake” love in order to satisfy their own wants, desires and needs.
That kind of stinks, you know what I mean? Stinks like a group of skunks who just sprayed you at the same time. Okay, it more than stinks in my opinion.
If you haven’t noticed, I’m an all in or all out person. When I love someone, I TOTALLY love them. I don’t know how to love a little bit. I actually don’t even understand that concept. I guess that explains why I have so much pain when a love relationship dies.
Let me give you an example…
Years ago, I loved someone who said they loved me. One day he called and after five minutes was ready to say goodbye. Now I’m sure I’m not the most exciting conversationalist everyday, but five minutes really isn’t very long. Right in the middle of a sentence, he said, “I’ve got to go now.”
“Got to go?” I asked while looking at the clock which showed 7:00 p.m.
“Yes! I have to go. I’ve talked to you five minutes and that is more than enough of you for one day!” he said in a VERY aggravated tone.
I. felt. totally. worthless. and. completely. unwanted.
(Yes, you were supposed to pause at the end of each word because I wanted to emphasize my emotions.)
Needless to say, I was devastated. I took it completely personal and assumed that I was not worth talking to for more than five minutes a day. Although it has been many years, this incident has stuck in my brain and I have been unable to shake it. To be totally truthful, I stopped talking to people on the phone for a long time.
Was his love for me authentic love? I dare say no, it wasn’t true love at all. Did I love him? Oh yes, I thought for a long time that he loved me the same way I loved him. I had no idea that although we were engaged, he dated other women all the time and called them the same endearments that were supposedly just meant for me.
I’m sure that story tells you a lot about me that I don’t even want to discuss. I can’t believe I made SUCH a poor choice and was SUCH a bad judge of character. And that brings me right back to where I was at the beginning of the post…What we really fear is not being loved back which is in essence just another way of being rejected.
I took a chance and loved someone. It was a poor choice. I was totally rejected. I wasn’t loved back. Eventually, after he had inflicted enough evil in my direction, I stopped loving him. Looking back, I want to say that I was so stupid, but if I do that and my therapist reads my blog, she might make me redo the CD on self-talk. 😉
Authentic love can be communicated with just a look into the eyes of the beloved.
Authentic love can be felt through the warmth of a touch and passionate sex.
Authentic love can be heard in the tone of the voice.
Authentic love is patient, kind, thoughtful, caring and giving.
Authentic love respects.
Authentic love provides the freedom for growth.
Authentic love provides privacy, safety and a soft place to fall.
Authentic love is unselfish.
Authentic love is real and stands the test of time.
The other day I posted a video on my Facebook page that made me cry because it was so beautiful. The video shows love…fun, romantic, unselfish love. It also reaffirmed my belief that authentic love can exist in real life and not just be in my silly head.
So what is the moral of the story or the message to take away from the post?
Fake love smells like the stink of skunks.
Now wouldn’t that be helpful if it was true?!
The real takeaway is that nothing can beat authentic love because it’s phenomenal.
Yeah. Absolutely. And. Totally. Phenomenal.