When Alyssa and Brittany were young, I used to say that they were little germ factories. They freely shared ever virus, flu and affliction with me even though I didn’t ask for their generosity.
Last month I learned 25 things from having the flu which started with some germs that Alyssa so graciously shared with me. I tried hard to NOT make it her fault, but in the end, I had to blame her.
With the flu so rampant everywhere, I washed my hands constantly, didn’t touch my face and stayed away from people. Where and how did I pick up the germ? Well, it was either because I kissed Alyssa or because I touched something IN MY HOME that she had previously touched with her flu infected hands. So I have to blame my catching the flu entirely on my little 20 year old blond child.
I had a marvelous weekend. I didn’t even mind too much that the weather was PER-FECT spring like weather instead of perfect fluffy, white winter snow. I kept the windows opened, talked to Mr. Potato Head, loved on Bella, my adorable red toy poodle, waved frequently at super intelligent Turtle across the room, went shopping and even shaved without killing myself which is definitely a great accomplishment.
I mean with a title like, “A Surgical Mask And The Foggy Glasses” you MUST be expecting some kind of fiasco! Don’t forget, I AM notorious for having things happen to me.
When Alyssa called me at work last month and said, “Please help me. I have the flu,” I left work immediately. On the way home, I stopped and purchased a package of surgical masks thinking that I would be protected from the flu. Little did I know that I already had it and would be sicker than a dog in less than six hours.
Obviously, the surgical masks were not used…then…because we both shared the same horrid flu.
So now we get to this weekend which is a whole month after the flu incident. I was happily washing dishes and cleaning all the surfaces of my kitchen. I had the windows open and “I Want Your Love” by Chic, “Murder My Heart” and “Missing You” by Michael Bolton were playing LOUDLY over and over again. Alyssa wasn’t home, so I’m “allowed” to let my music OCD thrive.
(blempybabo blempybabo) My cell phone made the texting sound.
I dried my hands, pushed the dilapidated button on my Blackberry and the following conversation ensued:
Alyssa: “I think I got food poisoning. I’ve been throwing up and I can’t keep even water down. What do I do”
Me: “Go to Patient First NOW!”
Alyssa: “Why? What will they do?”
Me: “Don’t ask for my opinion if u aren’t going to do it. U can die. They will help”
Alyssa: “Mom will u please just tell me what they’ll do for me bc I don’t think they can do anything other than tell me I should go to the hospital if I can’t keep liquids down.”
(rolling my eyes)
Me: “Wrong. They won’t send u to the hosp!!!”
Alyssa: “Are you sure? Bc I refuse to go to hospital”
Alyssa: “Ok I’ll go”
(Sheesh! What a hardheaded girl! I have no idea where she got that trait.)
Me: “Good girl”
A few minutes later…
Alyssa: “I’m getting meds. Stomach virus. I’m bringing u a mask to wear and mine too.”
Alyssa: “She said its a 24 hour bug that’s been going around. You just all of a sudden get violently ill”
Me: “HELL!!!!!!!! Go away LOL”
(Wasn’t that so motherly of me? I was only teasing…kind of…LOL)
Alyssa: “No. I really just need my mom and Bella”
Me: “LOL ok”
The Foggy Glasses
Although I’m such a young thang, I still have to wear glasses to see what I’m typing on the computer monitor. With each warm breath I take under this mask, the warm air leaks through the top of the mask and creates a fog on my glasses. In order to SEE through my glasses, I have to breathe in (fog leaves my glasses), quickly read the words on the computer monitor and then breathe out (fog on glasses) again.
Breathing just became an Olympic event.
It isn’t an easy task! I think I’m going to tape the mask to my face up by my eyes so that the warm air can’t come out.
Do you know how silly I look sitting here reading between the fogged and unfogged lens of my glasses?
Yeah, well, you’ll have to imagine it because my vanity wouldn’t let me post the ridiculous looking photo.