Inside, the pain is so intense you want to die.
You are hurting so bad that you are sure the world is going to just stop spinning and everything will end.
- The sun still rises in the morning.
- People are still laughing.
- Children frolic.
- Then the sun sets into the distant horizon.
It can’t be true!
It is still there…deep, hollow, gut-wrenching…
Have you ever felt that much pain?
Think back to the day your heart was completely broken. The day when the person of your affections was gone…
It doesn’t matter why or how, the pain is still the same.
You bury your head in your pillow in the middle of the night and sob so hard that you can’t breathe. Nothing matters. The pain fills your body, mind and soul.
Rational thought disappears.
All you know is pain, personal loneliness and sorrow.
The future can not enter your psyche…it is an impossibility.
- There is no future.
- There is no happiness.
- There is only pain and sadness…unbelievable sadness.
- Excruciating sadness.
When you move, everything about your body feels heavy. It is almost impossible to lift one foot up after another to walk. The mouth muscles refuse to even fake a smile. The salt from your tears has made the skin under your eyes tender and raw. Breathing is labored. You want to scream, but it would take too much energy. Your heart aches.
The depth of pain is past all that you have ever experienced.
Not everyone has this experience.
I have felt this depth of pain.
I know the dark abyss of drowning in sorrow.
When I love someone…it is completely…with everything that is me. I look past their faults, I forgive their flaws and I enjoy their goodness.
I give everything. I give too much and expect too little of others. Unfortunately, this sets me up for heartbreak.
I have loved…then lost the person…not the love. I picture “love” as a tangible object. It is here and you are able to touch it like a flower in full bloom. Then, for whatever reason, the “relationship” ends. The “love” is put into a box in the far depths of the heart. Depending on who, what, when, and why, you add a lock or many locks on the box. Sometimes you look at the box. Sometimes you touch it. Other times you dare to unlock and open it. Sometimes, by no choice of our own, the box is opened by someone else or something else, like a sound, a place, a smell or even a circumstance.
It is during those “open box” moments, that you discover how far along you’ve traveled away from the pain. You’ve healed or maybe you haven’t healed.
Love is pure. Love is right. Loving is not wrong. How far we act on the love may be wrong, but loving itself is always right.
“Falling in love” is different than “loving”. When you love, it is an affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. Taking that love further…Falling in love is to suddenly and passively feel an attraction based on sexual desire and tenderness of affection.
You can love or fall in love with someone not suited to be a friend or companion in your life. When we force that type of relationship, it often leads to the pain spoken of earlier. Being on this side of happy, life is not creative, peaceful, exciting or hopeful.
There isn’t an easy way to catch your breath while sobbing into the pillow. The pain is too tangible, complicated and personal.
Having friends and family will help when navigating your soul through this experience. They can actually buoy you up and point you towards the light of a promising future. They are not always right nor do they always say and do the right things. It doesn’t feel helpful and appears to be more intrusive, however, they can clearly see the horizon. Take advantage of their vision.
Lean on them for support.
- Then grieve some more.
- Forgive others and yourself.
- Have peace become your goal.
Unclutter your life by turning off the radio…turning off the television…stay home…read books of motivation and self-help…hold your family…cry on the shoulders of your friends…find accomplishment in doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom.
The pain will lessen.
The love will start walking towards the box where it will remain…forever.
One day you will wake up and find that the journey was painful.
You are a better person.
You have much to offer and receive.
You do not stare at the phone that doesn’t ring, pace the floor, or sob into your pillow any more.
- You can continue…
- And flourish…
- Without the pain…
Where the birds sing, food has a taste and you can feel appreciation for the past, the present and the future because
You have crossed the line and are on the other side of happy.