i feel fat

I’m just going to flat out say it…

I feel fat.

I feel frustratingly fat because I am fat.

I know that’s probably not politically correct, but to be honest, I’m getting kind of tired of all the politically correct talk these days. Instead of stating that I’m overweight, I feel much better by not sugar-coating it and boldly saying that according to me, I’m fat and I feel fat. So if you are offended with the “fat” word, you probably shouldn’t read this post because I bet I’m going to say “fat” a million times.

When my grain allergy was undiagnosed and I was still eating grain, the allergic reaction got so bad that I started gaining weight everyday. It was horrible and depressing because I felt totally powerless to change what was happening to my body.

Then after a very long year, lots of pain, rash everywhere, constant nausea, splitting headaches, non-existent self-esteem, high body loathing and an allergic reaction that caused my esophagus to swell so much that it nearly cut off all my air supply, a doctor finally figured out what was happening to me.

I’ll never forget the doctor saying, “Never eat grain again.” It was so dramatic and life altering that I couldn’t even wrap my mind around a grain free diet.

That was two and a half years ago.

When I stopped eating ALL grain, I immediately started losing the weight that my allergy had packed onto my body. It literally fell off of me. I was thrilled. No, I was ecstatic! I knew I would never be as small as my petite daughter who through junior high and high school progressed from wearing size 000 jeans to just size 0 jeans, but if I got down to pre-pregnancy weight I would be happy again. Of course, I’m talking about being the same weight as I was in my twenties.

So the weight kept disappearing and then the losing stopped. Unfortunately, the stress in my life increased at the same time. Now I’m at the point where I want to go into the kitchen, take out a knife and widdle away the fat I don’t want sticking to my body. I know I’m making it sound like I’m three hundred pounds overweight, but I don’t know how to be even slightly overweight and happy about it. I WANT A FLAT STOMACH.

I was thinking about why the weight loss probably plateaued.

  • I eat a lot of nut products now and they are higher in fat.
  • I don’t exercise.
  • I am at home most of the time instead of at an office job where I would have to walk more.
  • I’m older and going through that menopause stage although for the most part, I can’t tell it. Maybe that was too much information for the men. If so, sorry guys. LOL

Anyway, I can’t stop thinking about the fat on my body. I simply don’t want it there anymore. I am even starting to research products that are grain free that will help me lose weight the healthy way. There’s not that many, but THAT’s how sick I am of feeling fat.

If you actually saw me in person, you wouldn’t say, “That’s a fat girl!” but you also wouldn’t say, “What a skinny toothpick.” I guess the fat is just all over my body, so I don’t look fat to most people. Since I don’t have scales at home, my guess would be that I am thirty pounds overweight. It’s enough fat that it is doing a number on my self-esteem and making me feel ugly, so something has got to change because I refuse to go through the rest of my life feeling fat and feeling ugly. Obviously my body image, the mental picture I have of my body, is basically pathetic. My therapist would say that I’m exhibiting “stinkin’ thinkin'” right now and she’s probably right.

I said “probably,” not “definitely”.

Things That Give You The Fat Feeling

I know part of the reason I’m feeling fat is because a couple days ago I went out to dinner with friends at a Mexican restaurant. Although I didn’t eat a burrito or three baskets of chips with salsa like I wanted to do and like I used to do, I’m pretty sure that the fajita meat I ordered was cooked using corn oil. By that evening, I was itching, hot and my face felt as if it was being blown up like a balloon. So I started drinking lots of water to help flush the toxins out of my system.

I itch less today although my face is covered with a rash. Obviously I won’t be eating cooked food at Mexican restaurants and will stick to salads in the future. Such joy! Not!

Anyway, whether you are fat or just feel fat, it is important to still feel good about yourself. “Fat” is a condition of the body which describes the extra doughboy flesh on the body and it is not an emotion or feeling like happiness or sadness. If you aren’t fat and are “feeling” fat, then you have other issues that have nothing to do with extra flesh. Some of the things that you might be experiencing that are causing that fat feeling might include:

  • You’re anxious – about your child’s first day at school, project at work, upcoming surgery
  • You’re sad – because of the passing of a loved one, the cat ran away, the car was totalled
  • You’re angry – because you were laid off of work, your hair was cut too short, the dog peed on the carpet
  • You’re lonely – you’re going through empty nest syndrome, your partner works the opposite shift than you
  • You’re stressed – about your upcoming divorce court date, you’re starting a new business and you’re afraid it will fail

Those are emotions. You feel a certain way about things you’re experiencing.

You can’t feel fat just like you can’t feel purple, pink or silver. Identify what your true emotion is and label it correctly. Just remember, the only way you can “feel fat” is if you are really fat and you grab a roll of fat and feel it.

Reasons You’re Fat

Now, on the flip side, you may actually be fat. In the fat state, you may be happy because it doesn’t bother you, scared because it is affecting your health, or sad because you can’t seem to make the fat go away. There are many reasons that could explain why you are actually fat such as:

  1. Food – You are eating all the unhealthy foods that are full of ingredients that are making you fat.
  2. Eating habits – Your eating habits add to your fatness because you eat too much. Some reasons you keep eating when you should stop might be that:
    • you fear going hungry
    • you’ve been taught since childhood to always clean your plate
    • you feel obligated to accept and eat food at social gatherings even when it is full of fat
    • you find comfort in eating
  3. Lack of sleep – Your sleep schedule is all messed up, but you never seem to get enough sleep.
  4. Exercise – What is exercise? Yeah, you are too much of a sloth and couch potato. You do not engage in enough physical activity.
  5. Stress – There are a million things that stress you and you feel incapable of handling them. Stress creates hormone reactions in the body that pack on the weight instead of helping you to lose it.
  6. Depressed – Depression causes chemical reactions (increased cortisol, increased inflammatory cytokines, impaired glucose tolerance, increased resistin that increases insulin resistance) in the body and all of them lead to weight gain.
  7. Allergic reactions – Obviously, having allergic reactions to foods can cause weight gain. Until you eliminate those foods from your diet, your body will keep on fighting the allergens in the food and you will not only blow up with water weight, but also your fat cells will plump up.
  8. Intestinal bacteria – The bacteria in your intestines help you to digest your food, however, some people’s bacteria isn’t as efficient and the body absorbs more calories. I could get all nutritional on you, but you can read up on gut flora, amino acids and acidophilus if you want to learn more about intestinal bacteria and how you can help.
  9. Hormones – Hormones can play a big part in your weight gain. Everything from menopausal hormones to intestinal hormones. Keeping all the hormones in your body balanced starts with the basics: nutrition, exercise, sleep.
  10. Drugs – Many drugs save lives and make life more pleasant, but there are often side effects and a common side effect to many drugs is weight gain.
  11. Give up and don’t care – After you try and try to lose weight for years and years, you may have simply given up trying and caring about it.

I’m sure there are many more reasons that you’re fat, but that’s a pretty good list. I think I have several of the things on the list going on and I truly believe that I am fat. Dang, after writing all this, I almost said I feel fat. LOL

What To Do If You Feel Fat And Ugly

So the next time you get the urge to think that you feel fat and ugly, stop yourself in your tracks, run to the computer, click this post that you are reading right now and do some of the following things to make those “fat and ugly feelings” go away:

  • Become the master of your brain by thinking positive, inspiring thoughts about your life and your physical health.
  • Exercise in ways that don’t feel like exercising…parking at the back of the parking lot, dancing, swimming, walking around the neighborhood or ice skating.
  • Meditate to help you get into a more tranquil, serene state and to calm your anxious, stressful body.
  • Pamper yourself by reading a book, getting a massage, giving yourself a facial, paint your nails, go to the movies or take a long nap on the couch in the sunshine.
  • Turn the music up loud. Feel the beat. Let the music soothe your soul.
  • Get a new hair style, wear make up, wear perfume/cologne, and take extra time with skin care.
  • Wear clothes that hide your fat so that you don’t have to think about it so much.
  • Stop looking at fashion magazines full of unattainable, airbrushed model bodies.
  • Be clean and smell good because this affects how other people perceive you and how comfortable you are in your own body.
  • Every time you think, “I am fat,” don’t let the sentence end there. Add something like, “but I am proactively changing my diet and physical exercise to get my weight to be more of a healthy weight.” Yeah, I know…easier said than done.
  • Do not compare yourself to other people, especially twenty year old SuzieQ at the office or waist size 18 inches Pamela next door.
  • Be grateful for your body. You only have one body and you won’t be getting another one, so take care of the one you have and be grateful for it.
  • Work on improving your self-esteem because it is the opinion you have of yourself that counts and it determines how you value and respect yourself as a person.
  • Eat healthy and give up the extra large portions.
  • Let your main drink be water, water and more water.

The Conclusion Of The 3 F’s

I have discussed things that give you the fat feeling, the reasons you’re fat, and what to do if you feel fat and ugly. Maybe you’re still a victim of the 3 F’s. You know Feeling Frustratingly Fat.

It’s a process.

You weren’t born “feeling” fat and you didn’t gain all that extra fat overnight. It will take time for you to change your mindset and body weight. Patience is not only a virtue, it is a virtue that you need to acquire in order to shed those extra pounds.

That’s what I’m going to be doing.

1. Be more patient with myself and my body.
2. Stop being overly condemning of my body.
3. Lose this weight.

So someone tell me which knife I should use to widdle away this fat?

No, I’m not joking!

Yes I am, duh. Did you forget that I’m a wimp when it comes to pain?

I gotta go now. I need to go put on my big baggy sweatshirt to hide all this fat.

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