Yes, indeed it is…very fragile.
It’s not uncommon that I choose the path that is barely if ever walked. Although some of my actions do not surprise the people who know me, they sometimes still surprise the people who know me. That shouldn’t be shocking because my actions are often based on my emotions and well, we all know about my emotions.
I cried at work today. No one saw me, but it still happened. Even telling myself that my mascara would run if I kept crying didn’t seem to curb the tears.
The reason I cried was because of the ending.
Under the big blue sky in the beautiful sunshine of summer, birds tweet, flowers bloom and the lush green leaves on trees dance in the wind.
We all know that eventually summer will end, the leaves will turn colors which will fade into brown, and then one by one, each leaf will fall off the branch that held it so strongly throughout the warm months.
Everything on the planet has a cycle.
There is a beginning, middle and end.
It’s a fact.
You know it and I know it.
We all know it.
Yet even with this knowledge, the ending seems unexpected and at times totally tragic.
Someone died today and even worse than that, they died of cancer just like my dad.
Thoughts of my father flooded my mind initially and then there was a constant flow of faces in my mind’s eye. I felt panic and overwhelming fear at losing people I love to that “ending” we know of as death.
So I sat at work, cried, and texted people to tell them a very basic message…
“I love you.”
There’s not many letters in that message, but I could barely type them through my tears. I felt almost frantic to reach out at least one more time. Of course, everyone responded by telling me they loved me too.
One of the things my mother texted back was, “I am blessed with 72 years,” to which I replied, “72, 82, 92 years is not long enough.
Life is never long enough. I won’t ever feel like I’ve experienced enough. I’ll never be able to read all the books I want to read, visit all the places I would love to see, eat all the food I want to taste, listen to all the songs as many times as I want to hear them, or spend as much time as I want with the people I care about.
This experience of living is just too short. No matter how much I cram into each day, my life will not be long enough.
By the end of the day I was more composed and had a better grip on my emotions, so I texted my daughter again.
Me: I love you.
Alyssa: I love you so much mom!
Me: Thank you for loving me all these years and being my friend.
Leave it to children to keep it all in perspective.
Alyssa: Well duh.
That’s life in a few sentences…love and laugh.
Fill every moment of this fragile life with as much love and laughter as you can possible cram in it.