After being in the workforce for thirty-six years, married twice, raising a daughter, and blogging for over six years, nothing people do surprises me all that much anymore. Life has definitely been a learning experience on human behavior.
A LOT has happened over the past six years not the least being I recovered from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). That’s a bigger accomplishment than most of you even realize.
PTSD is Hell. After a person has lived in Hell, everything in life is suddenly jolted into perspective.
I believe that there are a few important things that other people can learn from my life experience:
- The most important and rewarding job/experience anyone can ever have is being a PARENT.
- LOVE is the most important gift you can receive or give.
- Life is too short to allow GREEDY, SELFISH, INCOMPASSIONATE, MEAN PEOPLE destroy your peace and happiness.
During the last six years, I’ve developed a little bit more of a thicker skin and I voice my opinion more readily when someone pushes me too hard. My skin isn’t THAT thick and I’m not TOO blunt, but I’m just not so tolerant when people treat me mean or try to walk all over me.
Greedy, selfish, incompassionate, mean people have one thing in common – they are disrespectful AND I don’t want them in my life.
What Is Respect?
We often hear the word respect, so let’s make sure we all understand the meaning of the word.
Definition of RESPECT
: a feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.
: a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way
That definition seems rather straightforward. If someone is given respect, they are treated as though they are good, valuable and important.
I definitely believe that you and I deserve respect. Short of doing some horrible crime, I think that everyone is worthy of being respected.
Blogging is a wonderful way to share our lives with one another. On a blog, the writer is able to express whatever they fancy. The people who visit the blog can either become a faithful reader because they like the writing and the writer or can click away and never visit again if they do not like the writing or the writer.
It’s just that cut and dry.
The problem arises when the reader doesn’t like the writing or the writer and doesn’t just click away.
For just a moment, let’s go back into time to May 2011. At that time I was desperately trying to find help to relieve the agony of my PTSD. On a trip to the store I overheard a mother talking on her cellphone and she referred to her four year old child as being a “boring four year old” while expressing her desire to “dump her in a daycare” if she could afford it.
It upset me so badly that I wrote a post about it and published the story on my blog. In that post I shared the wonderful experience I had staying home with my daughter when she was just a tiny child. I wrote about how that time home not only healed my body, but also my heart and mind. Then I shared some of the things I did while I stayed home and reiterated that I was never bored.
If someone is bored, it is their own fault. Life circumstances like staying home do not make you bored. You’re bored because you choose to do nothing interesting with your time.
Being able to stay home with your children is a huge blessing. Most women are not afforded that opportunity because of the financial demands of the family.
So if children are the greatest gift we can ever receive in life and teaching those children are our greatest responsibility, doing a great job in parenting is the most important work we can ever perform. When going to a job outside the home, you bust your butt to do well so that you can get a raise and keep your job. If raising children is even more important “work” than an outside job, shouldn’t you have the same attitude and be doing at least the same amount of effort as you would at an outside the home job?
The question I posed in my old May 2011 blog post pertained to my bafflement at how a stay-at-home-mother could be bored with the children that she decided to have grace her home. The children were not forced upon her. Whichever the case may be, no one MADE her have sex and get pregnant or to adopt. Children are an extension of our self and the person we love. Plus, don’t forget that you want to try just as hard as you would at an outside the home job to be creative, innovative and perform the best of your abilities to be a good parent (Home Manager, Chief Activities Coordinator, Administrator Of Development). So with those all those things being true, I wrote that I do not understand how a stay-at-home-mother can be bored.
As the years have passed, I STILL don’t understand the boredom women find in staying home with their most precious gifts. There are a million things a mother can teach her children and so many fun things to do. It does NOT take gobs of money to enjoy being home! There are ONLY a few years that children are young. It’s not like they remain under seven years old forever!
My blog post was very tactful and the question remained evident throughout my writing of a relatively short post. How can a stay-at-home-mother be bored with her children?
To say that the comments have been harsh is an understatement. At first I kept trying to make the angry commenters look again at the post because I did not accuse anyone of anything. What I did in the post was pose a question and express my bafflement at the bored mother’s attitude while showing that you can do other things when you stay home with your children.
It is now four years later.
I no longer have PTSD.
I no longer care if I am politically correct.
I’m less tolerant of selfish people.
If a reader is offended by my writing, it isn’t because I am pointing a finger accusationally at them. If anyone finds my writing offensive, it is because they feel shame or guilt at their own feelings or actions. Making people feel bad is not my goal in writing a blog!
Pointing my finger at people and accusing them is not what I do. I’m not a judgmental person. People have the right to choose because it is a God given right. I’m definitely not going to try and take freedom away from anyone. I respect the rights of people to do what they choose to do with their life.
With that being said, I want to share with you a comment that I received on my blog the other day.
“I stay at home… and while I am so busy that I can’t even sit, inside I am so so so bored. I hate cleaning the same mess over and over and over. I love it enough to stay at home. I would leave the kids. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t boring. The whining, the cleaning, breaking up the fighting. I don’t like repeating myself over and over. You are being judgemental in this old post. I can tell you are old and I think you are being an asshole. That mother in the grocery store was tired. You have a 20 year old. You FORGOT.
Typo: I meant to write .. I wouldn’t leave my children to go back to work.”
Respectful comment on my blog?
So let me respond to this extremely disrespectful comment on MY blog. Where no respect was given, I do not feel inclined to give any respect back.
- You are a coward – Instead of signing your name with a link to your online activities, you simply signed your name as “Itsboring.” You’re not brave at all. You’re a coward to write such a disrespectful comment and not claim it by leaving your real name.
- Heard of spellcheck? – You misspelled the word “judgemental,” so maybe you should check your writing before you push send. Then again, if you are a stay-at-home-mother, take some time to enhance your spelling and grammar. There are books in the library that will help you with that task. You need to especially make sure that you are teaching your children the correct spelling and grammar too, so brush up on those skills. On your performance appraisal, this section of your motherhood is a “Needs Improvement.”
- Whining and fighting – If your children whine and cry all the time then you’re obviously failing as their Chief Activities Coordinator. It is important that you provide them fun things to do and pay more attention to them so they don’t act up just to get your attention. Sounds like boring, unimaginative parenting. Is this another “Needs Improvement” area?
- Repetition – Repeating yourself over and over is one of the basics of parenthood. Children can’t retain information for long periods of time, so it is necessary to keep reteaching principles to them in different ways. That would be under the “Creative Thinking” section of your job performance review. However, if you were referring to repeating yourself for the children to do chores like pick up their toys, then obviously you are definitely failing at this basic parenting skill. A good parent knows how to train their children to do chores because it teaches them responsibility. They learn that with actions come consequences. It definitely sounds like you are a “Needs Improvement” or even an “Unsatisfactory” in this area too.
- I’m old – Yes dear, I’m getting older every second that passes. Right now in 2015 I am 52 years old. That makes me young enough to still totally enjoy life and old enough to know that you are selfish and disrespectful.
- Profanity – The ugly, derogatory name you called me reiterates the fact that you obviously are not very educated. Is it because you were too busy doing things you shouldn’t while in school instead of learning? How can you teach your children if you are not very bright? I definitely think a visit to the library is called for and it appears that you are rating “Unsatisfactory” in this aspect of your parenting job.
- Being tired – Everyone gets tired. That’s why God created night. During the day you are awake and at night you sleep. Being tired is not a good enough excuse for anyone to emotionally abuse their children. Yes, the grocery store woman emotionally abused her child. If you are performing the same with your children, maybe you are warranting “Termination” from your job.
- Memory – My daughter is now 22 years old. I don’t have Alzheimer’s and I am not senile. Thankfully I haven’t forgotten the wonderful moments I was able to stay home with her. Each minute was precious to me then and even more precious now. I do not have a memory problem. It sounds like you are looking for for ways to excuse your own “Unsatisfactory” behavior.
Remember at the beginning of this post I said that I now speak more bluntly because I have learned the shortness of life and I don’t let people walk all over me anymore?
Well, dear commenter, you have problems. I don’t know what they include, but they must be doozies. You were offended by my post for the same reason other readers were offended…you’re selfish. You weren’t ignorant as to the demands of parenthood before you had children. If you chose to stay home, then you have every opportunity to pursue your own interests in your spare time.
No spare time? Then you also suck at organization. We have found yet another aspect of your job performance that is an “Unsatisfactory” rating. There is free time when you stay home if you are organized and don’t waste your time watching television soap operas all day.
You are also oblivious to proper etiquette and respect. Did your own parents fail you or are you just a rude adult? The answer is irrelevant to me. I find you deplorable and I’m thankful that you are not my mother.
There was no love or adoration for your children anywhere in your comment. I pity your children because they are deprived of all the wonderful things a good mother could give them. Obviously, you’re not a good mother. You’re a selfish, entitled, rude mother who doesn’t respect anyone – not me, not your children and not yourself.
Hopefully you won’t ever visit my blog again or at least not comment. I can guarantee that if you ever write another comment like the one you left me the other day, it won’t be acknowledged or published.
If you are unable to see the simple sharing of my motherhood in that previous post and my bafflement at how anyone can be bored with gifts sent from God, then maybe you should go look in the mirror and make an honest assessment of your shortcomings. I’m sure it won’t be hard to see them especially since I’ve already identified many areas that you either “Need Improvement” or are totally “Unsatisfactory.”
By the way, I wasn’t ever bored at home and my daughter. I ROCKED my motherhood and will forever be grateful that I was able to stay home with Alyssa before she started school!