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You’ve been there. I think everyone is there several times during the course of their life. Maybe you’re there now. There are times when you feel like you’ll never see the morning light.

I’m not there now, thank God.

One of the reasons that I’m not depressed to the point that I don’t think I’ll ever see the morning light is because my one and only child is happy. Alyssa’s not just happy, she is supremely happy. As a parent, having a child who is totally happy is the ultimate dream come true.

Look at this girl. Her face just glows with happiness.

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There’s a song by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons called “Who Loves You” that was made popular by Warner Brothers Records in 1975. The lyrics were written by Bob Gaudio and Judy Parker who totally nailed the sadness or despair you might be feeling.

“When tears are in your eyes
And you can’t find the way
It’s hard to make believe
You’re happy when you’re gray
Baby, when you’re feelin’ like
you’ll never see the mornin’ light

And when you think
The whole wide world has passed you by
You keep on tryin’
But you really don’t know why”

If you want to hear the song, click this link:

Lately I have been at a loss for words.

The emotions and experiences have still been there, but there have been no words for me to describe how I feel about them. I’ve noticed when I have things weighing heavy on my mind or heart, I miss my dad. It’s kind of strange because he wasn’t really there in the past when I needed someone, so why would I feel the need for him now especially since he has already died? Maybe it’s just the nature of a parent-child relationship. Whether they fail you or not, you still have the same needs and emotions deep inside.

Tonight when I discussed Dad on Facebook (click here to read it – I think the dialogue in the comments will give you further insight), I realized how much I have grown. The last six years could have destroyed me if I had given into the struggle, pain, depression, or mental anguish.

Why didn’t I give up?

Believe me, I know it would have been much easier to give up. I wanted to “want” to give up. However, as hard as I tried to give up during various experiences, I just couldn’t quit. Sometimes at the very last minute, right before giving up, I would get back on my feet and keep on trying to succeed.

It was not easy.

Like many of you, I don’t like being told that I can’t do something or can’t succeed. It just rubs me the wrong way. It’s for that very reason that I can’t be a part of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) forums. Invariably the topic of healing PTSD will come up and the often unanimous conclusion is that PTSD can’t be healed.

When I first wrote about PTSD on my blog, that’s the same thing people told me – you will never heal. When I asked why I wouldn’t heal, I was either ignored or told that it was just impossible. PTSD symptoms can be tolerated and you can learn to work around them, but you will always be afflicted.

THAT was not acceptable to me.

I didn’t ask to get PTSD.

I did not want to have PTSD.

I was not going to keep suffering with PTSD the rest of my life.

Healing from my PTSD became my main focus. I refused to continue suffering until I died. I had rather die than live in Hell on earth. That’s what PTSD is…Hell on earth.

Something kept pushing me toward recovery.

“You keep on tryin’
But you really don’t know why”

Becoming a whole person again was hard, extremely hard.

No one could do it for me and without healing, I had nothing to offer anyone. Depression was constant and I think I cried a billion tears. I got sick of faking that I was okay when I really felt like I would never see the morning light.

“When tears are in your eyes
And you can’t find the way
It’s hard to make believe
You’re happy when you’re gray
Baby, when you’re feelin’ like
you’ll never see the mornin’ light”

Well, I healed from complex and extreme PTSD against all odds, scientific research, and naysayers. Healing was something I worked hard to attain. I refused to remain sick.

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My daughter has suffered some extremely hard experiences too and obviously she has pulled herself out of the muck. Alyssa’s happiness now is possible because she didn’t give up fighting to get through the tears.

I’m immensely proud of my daughter. Alyssa’s not only a beautiful young woman on the outside, but she is a wonderful human being. There’s not much more that a mother could want than to see her child successful and totally happy.

What do you do when when you’re feeling like you’ll never see the morning light?

  1. Know that this unhappiness and/or pain will not last forever.
  2. Be focused on the solution.
  3. Believe that you can and will be happy again.
  4. Forgive your enemies and those that have used, betrayed, and/or hurt you.
  5. Find peace.
  6. Dream.

None of these things can be accomplished with the snap of your fingers. They all take work.


Work is precisely what makes the “impossible” impossible for many people.

Whether you are trying to heal PTSD, lose weight, get a promotion, forgive, or any other success that you are striving to attain, WORK is the key to making it happen.

Work is the means by which you can accomplish your dreams.

Love yourself enough to work for your own happiness and peace.

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