Abuse

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are happen far too often behind walls of secrecy. The violence and abuse ranges from physical, emotional, economic and psychological actions to control another person.

*Emergency Hotline for Domestic Violence 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
*On the web at National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.ndvh.org/
*Resource List for Abused Women (divided by country and state/province) at http://www.safe4all.org/resource-list/index?category=2



Abuse Hurts…

Having An Affair

You Grow Stronger From Your Past - Yeah It's Over, Goodbye 1

For several reasons, the past two weeks have been very, very, very hard. Today was not an exception.

Because of the events that have transpired during the last eight years, I’ve experienced happiness, anger, joy, anger, fear, anger, tragedy, anger, devastation, anger and sadness. Unfortunately, most of the anger has remained stuffed down and locked in a box. It can’t stay there and so I’ve been working on releasing it in a “healthy” manner. (rolling my eyes) It would be much easier if I could just break some things against a brick wall or give someone a black eye. My healthy releases have often turned into unhealthy insanity where PTSD took over my brain. I’m sorry for those times, but I hope everyone will understand that it really has been out of my control. It wasn’t easy being on the edge of insanity.

When I got home at 8:00 p.m. I wasn’t hungry AT ALL, so I ate two pickles and started surfing music on YouTube. Music reaches my mind and soul when not much else can. Well, um, there is one other thing that works great, but there’s only a dog and a turtle here with me. Yeah, uh huh.

Anyway, I came across a whole bunch of mushy love songs that made me want to puke. Sounds weird hearing me say that, doesn’t it? Well, my feelings were not mushy lovey dovey. I was angry…really angry at so many things. I wondered how I was going to release all the anger.

Then…

I heard it.

The song started playing that I should have found years ago and blasted at full volume. Yes, some things have been over for a long time and I sacrificed FAR TOO MUCH trying to make them work. Looking back tonight, I feel like a fool. What was I thinking?! I am worth so much more than I accepted and tolerated. Yes, I did some good and learned from my past, but it was at such a high price. I can’t get back all the time, effort, sacrifices and emotion that was unappreciated and therefore wasted.

This part of the song is a perfect description of how it was…

“So many times that I tried to reach you
You broke me after I brought you in
I was cold, all alone, I was losing my mind”

This song may be seven years too late, but it sure did squelch some of the anger tonight!

You Grow Stronger From Your Past - Yeah It's Over, Goodbye 2

“It’s Over” by Jared Lee

We started out like the perfect story
On the heels of a beautiful lie
Didn’t know you were holding a secret aside

I used to be the one with all the glory
Standing like a soldier on the front line
Till you came and you stripped me of all of my pride

But I’m back and I’ma tell you how it’s gonna be
Subtract any possibility of me
Don’t ask cuz I don’t know the answers
And i’m hanging up the phone

It’s over, said it’s over, yeah it’s over, goodbye
It’s over, said it’s over, yeah it’s over, goodbye

Well I don’t need to give you one good reason
I hope you’re ready for your empty bed
I don’t care if you fall to your knees and cry
So many times that I tried to reach you
You broke me after I brought you in
I was cold, all alone, I was losing my mind

But I’m back and I’ma tell you how it’s gonna be
Subtract any possibility of me
Don’t ask cuz I don’t know the answers
And i’m hanging up the phone

It’s over, said it’s over, yeah it’s over, goodbye
It’s over, said it’s over, yeah it’s over, goodbye

And you grow, and you grow, and you grow stronger from your past
And you grow, and you grow, and you grow stronger from your past

It’s over, said it’s over, yeah it’s over, goodbye
It’s over, said it’s over, yeah it’s over, goodbye

It makes a perfect breakup song. It is also a great song to help you look back and vow to never let anyone hurt you like that again. I’ve probably listened to it sixty times tonight already. Unfortunately my bedtime came and left without me catching any sleep yet which means tomorrow I will dragging. On the other hand, I can blast this song to energize myself first thing in the morning and thank God I made it through all those heartaches.

You know what else? I still had enough compassion, kindness, caring, forgiveness, acceptance, hope and love left after all that pain to start my life over again. Who said turning 50 was the end? They were wrong. I’m starting over cause “I’m back and I’ma tell you how it’s gonna be.”

“Being in a relationship isn’t about
the kissing, the dates or the showing off.
It’s about being with someone
who makes you happy
in a way that no one else can.

And I grow, and I grow, and I grow stronger from my past!

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