Living With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a type of anxiety disorder brought on by trauma. Unfortunately, I have first hand experience and am still working my way through it all.

Helpful Links:
National Center for PTSD
National Institute of Mental Health

Recently About PTSD…

Russell Armstrong Is Proof That Killing Myself Would Be Final Stair Rail In Hell I Hesitate To Let You See This Much Of Me I Am A Jet Fighter Pilot Now Tell Me Something Good The Road To Suicide – A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

Poem I Am Not – I Am Not My Depressed Or Broken Heart by Sherry Redhead Riter

I write and I share.

Sometimes I write and I don’t share.

Today, I write and I share a part of me that I normally don’t make public. I’m thinking about including this poem in my book because it shows that I am more whole now than I’ve ever been and although I still have missing parts that are not fully developed, I did win the fight.

I Am Not – I Am Not My Depressed Or Broken Heart

by Sherry Riter

I am not my depressed or broken heart.

I am not the tears I cried because of the loss of childhood dreams that did not come true or fairy tale endings that didn’t happen.

I am not the disorder that tried to end my existence which I fought against and arose wounded, but victorious.

I am not the grief that broke my heart, caused me to lose an incredible amount of weight almost to my own demise or shattered my world in such a way that I had to start all over again.

I am not the naive woman who believes all the lies, false pretenses or fake emotions shown to me by selfish people who simply try to use me for their own purposes.

I am not the car I drive, home I live in, blog I write, Twitter and Facebook that I interact on or the sometimes out of fashion clothes I wear.

I am not my favorite colors blue and white or the delicious Krispy Kreme doughnuts I adore even though I can no longer eat them because I had to start eating a grain free diet.

I am not my freckles, long red hair, hazel eyes, alabaster colored skin, long legs or nimble fingers which have been the cause of many jokes.

I am not the things you see.

I am much more.

I am the loving, sleep deprived, scared mother that cradled sick children in the wee hours of the morning without complaining.

I am the forgiving soul who works daily to let go of justified anger against people who are so selfish that they willingly cause me sadness and pain.

I am the compassionate woman that allowed my soul to become vulnerable to other people’s unhappiness and their struggles so that I could offer them comfort during their storms.

I am the strength, determination and perseverance that fills my scarred heart.

I am my hopeful and loving heart that will not give up my dreams.

When I’m gone and you can’t see me anymore, I am the soft wind that blows your hair away from your face like my gentle hand that once relished every moment I was able to touch you and enjoy your love for me.

I am the smell of gardenias that waft through the open window on the summer evening that surround you with feelings of home, peace and safety.

I am the taste of pancakes, sop chocolate and bacon on quiet mornings that satisfy your hunger the way I tried to provide for your needs.

I am the song on the radio while you drive to work that makes you remember how I mess up so many words while singing with a voice that definitely couldn’t win a contest.

I am the bright sunshine that warms your body like the blanket that I pulled up to cover you when the night grew cold or the warmth of my loving hug when you needed to ward away that lonely feeling.

I am the frothy lapping waves on the beach or the snow falling in the mountains that brings a smile to your lips when you see them because you remember that I never tired at experiencing their beauty, tranquility and peace.

No, I am not my depressed or broken heart. Those emotions are only temporary and I am so much more.

I am the woman that lived, laughed and will love you forever.

* * * * * * * * * *

So what do you think? In the book or not in the book?

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