Dad

blue sky snow tree white clouds

Today is my dad’s birthday. Well, it would have been his birthday if he was still alive. The reality of him not being here still creates a bit of stress and panic for me. I feel that life is quickly slipping through my fingers. Wasn’t I just a child being held by Dad a few years ago? That thought is immediately followed by another…I keep losing the things and people I love and hold dear in my heart.

That is the plan of life.

You are born, live and at some point death takes you from this earth.

So why do you and I waste so much of our time and energy on things that are out of our control? Hmmm, there are so many answers to that question, but I think basically the limited time we have to live is out of our grasp of understanding. We don’t fully appreciate our finite minutes. What makes it even more of a puzzle is that there isn’t a set day or number of hours we will live. It is all so random or at least it appears that way.

In the wee hours of the morning, I felt close to Dad. Looking at the sky, I vowed to make the rest of my life, the best of my life. Immediately following those words, a voice said, “Your best days are over.” I have such a wicked brain sometimes. How dare it try to rain on my parade and steal my hope.

Today you are stronger, more intelligent and wiser than you have ever been in your life. All you have to do is let your actions reflect your greater self. It is entirely your choice…

You can adjust your attitude to move forward happily and make positive choices or not.

snow landscape trees white

Everyone gets knocked down in life. Not everyone chooses to get up.

The last year of Dad’s life we had very frank conversations. Dad wanted to die. He was tired of living with the pain of guilt and regret inside and so Dad chose to give in instead of fight it. I tried desperately to “make him want to live,” but as you are well aware, no one can make anyone “want” anything.

Dad got knocked down and did not get up. He felt that all the best parts of his life were behind him and that he had squandered many of them. My inability to give him happiness made me stressed and I was always trying something new to breathe a new attitude in him. When Dad died, an irrational part of me felt that I had failed because I was unable to help him forgive himself, have peace or feel fulfilling happiness. Of course, part of that irrationality was caused because I was deep in the throes of PTSD and was slowly falling apart myself.

I’ve come a long way in the past three and half years since Dad’s passing. I have fallen down many, many times, but something inside of me always makes me get back up.

Today we all start off with a new opportunity to choose the right, love with our best self, replace negativity with a positive attitude, lay down our bad habits in order to feel peace and to embrace each experience with hope.

blue sky snow tree white clouds green

With the rising sun, you can choose to make the rest of your life, the best of your life. You can replace your cluttered, wounded mind, heart and actions with a fresh attitude of hope, happiness and peace. Will it take effort and sometimes be downright hard work? Oh yes, but it will be entirely worth it.

Did you just recheck to see that you were still on The Redhead Riter’s blog? I know that everything I just wrote must sound like a different person authored it, but I’m tired of crying and watching my life fly past me. It is past time for me to take my life back from the pit of fear, unhappiness and unrest.

Don’t you want to reclaim your life too? You’ve been knocked down and it may appear that there isn’t anything to look forward to anymore, but that simply isn’t true. The best of your life is now…today…right this very minute.

My Dad died without complaining and with dignity. I am going to try much harder to use his example and live my life in the same way he died…without complaining all the time and with dignity. Even though he is gone, today I am wishing Dad a very happy 72nd birthday where ever he is and whatever he’s doing. I am thankful that he is and always will be my Dad…my very funny, silly, handsome Dad.

I hope that you and I will go forward today with renewed faith, happiness, hope and that we will feel the love of our family and friends. A beautiful day of opportunity and love awaits each of us. Let’s fully embrace and enjoy life and each other.

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