A Delivery In Arkansas
In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
“Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.
“Now don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there’s yet another!” cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. “Do ya think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!”
Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was “cute.” She asked, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?”
His reply was, “The drugs are wearing off!”
The Things Children Say!
How do you decide who to marry?
- You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with…
— Kristen, age 10
What is the right age to get married?
- Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10
How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
- You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8
What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
- Both don’t want any more kids.
— Lori, age 8
What do most people do on a date?
- Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough…
— Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure?)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10 (isn’t he ready for the world of dating?)
What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
- I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
— Craig, age 9
When is it okay to kiss someone?
- When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
— Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them… It’s the right thing to do..
— Howard, age 8
Is it better to be single or married?
- It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
— Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
How would the world be different if people didn’t get married?
- There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
— Kelvin, age 8 (I like this kid)
And my VERY FAVORITE one is…
How would you make a marriage work?
- Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
— Ricky, age 10 (He’ll definitely be married forever)