I’m A Failure, My Life Is Useless And I Fail At Romantic Relationships

by Sherry Riter in Simple Soliloquy

failure chalkboard message

Have you ever heard a drug addict or alcoholic say that they “hit bottom” and then they sought help to recover?

Several times in my life I’ve hit an emotional bottom. I distinctly remember each time because it felt like a dull knife was sawing my heart in half…slowly.

Have you experienced that kind of pain? I’m sure you have even though you don’t type it on a blog that gets published all over the world. The fact is more than likely you’ve hit and suffered a debilitating emotional bottom.

The first time I hit an emotional bottom was when I was only a young child. Mom had started working outside the home because my parents were getting a divorce. The divorce thing never really hit me until I came home from school one day and found that most of the furniture was gone because Dad had moved out. At first I thought it was burglars, but when my hysteria dissipated, I called Mom and she calmed me down. She didn’t know until I called that Dad had moved the stuff, but Mom tried to tell me it was only stuff and that everything would be alright. The emotional bottom didn’t happen until a few weeks later when I was sitting in the middle of the totally empty master bedroom. The reality of what it meant to have divorced parents hit me like a nuclear bomb and I just sat there sobbing for hours.

That was debilitating emotional pain. From that point there was only two things I could do:

  1. Wallow in the emotional pain.
  2. Cope with the emotional pain and move forward.

There really isn’t any other choices when you hit bottom.

You may be thinking, “You were just a child! That pain doesn’t compare to adult pain!”

I beg to differ, but let me give you an adult experience that you might be able to relate to more easily.

I have not been in love that many times in my life, but when I have been in love, I’m ALL the way in love. I give everything because I really don’t know how to give a little bit. It feels too selfish to give just part of my love. I want to add happiness to the other person’s life, so I just leap in and love, love, love them.

If you’ve ever read my bio/about page, you know that I have failed at two marriages. Not one, but two. So obviously leaping in and love, love, loving them didn’t make the marriage last. I know it isn’t that simple, but isn’t love supposed to conquer everything? Doesn’t love heal all wounds? Doesn’t the unselfish, compassionate nature of love make staying together worth it in the end?

God knows I’ve tried, but it DOES take two people with the same attitude to make a relationship work. You both have to love, love, love each other or it won’t last.

There are some major life altering events going on in my life right now.

One is terrifying me.

One is breaking my heart.

One is making me feel completely useless.

It is bad enough having one of them happening, but to have all three events at once is overwhelming me to the point that I would welcome a tornado to appear in the middle of the night and take me away. I want to run away and hide, but there is nowhere to run and no place to hide. I can’t escape life and I don’t want to face any of it.

So I sat down at the computer with the intention of checking email, going to bed and crying my useless self to sleep. Yes, I’m feeling sorry for myself. I’m hurting so badly that I think someone is wrenching my heart out of my chest with a giant crane.

I know that MANY people think I share TOO MUCH of my life and emotions on my blog. Even family members think I say too much. Obviously, I hear them, but I continue to write from my soul. Believe me, there are times that I have questioned why I really put myself out there to be dissected and ridiculed by strangers. I always come back to the same thing when those doubts creep into my head. I share my soul on my blog for two reasons…

  1. Some day maybe all these words of mine will help direct or comfort my daughter.
  2. Other people who read my blog will find comfort because they know I have suffered the same pain they are feeling.

Stupid? Corny? Say what you will, but they are the reasons I blog and I don’t think it is stupid or corny.

For five hours I was dying inside. I felt completely like a failure and that my life was totally useless.

Obviously since I am writing this post, something must have happened between dying inside and going to bed.

While reading my email, I came upon a letter from a new reader of my blog. I am going to share part of the email with you…

I was drawn to your blog by the beautiful pictures of food at first and the recipes..but something kept drawing me back here and now I know why…I have begun to read your blog posts….my only daughter died in a car accident…….then just a couple of months ago (I was) diagnosed with PTSD….I just want to thank you for your blog…not finished reading it all yet but crying too much so will come back later and finish the rest…thank you for being so honest and sharing your story it has helped me realize today …others are suffering too.

What do you think I did after reading this email?

I buried my face in my hands and just sobbed out loud. Here I am at an emotional bottom, feeling like I don’t want to breathe another breath and someone tells me that I helped them by writing on my blog. Maybe I’m not completely useless.

Her words nudged me to look in a more positive and grateful direction as I heard a voice in my head say, “Practice what you preach girl!”

Now if I can just get my brain and heart to listen to my preaching.

Tomorrow is another day. Let’s see what the passage of a bit of time can do.

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jerel Gall March 30, 2014 at 7:50 am

Thomas Edison was a failure….many many many times…wait, I take that back. Thomas Edison FAILED many times…but succeeded to produce light. Funny thing, you have succeeded to produce light without electricity… Everyday, you may fail, which only suggests you are striving forward. Once you succeed, time to strive for more. You have shown time and again that your words are powerful and uplifting…no failure in that. Oh, and two people did not succeed at each of those marriages…TWO people did not succeed. Keep writing your blog…(hugz)


2 Sherry Riter March 30, 2014 at 10:21 am

Thank you very much. {{hugsss back}}


3 Aleta March 30, 2014 at 9:39 am

What’s always amazing to me is the stupefying power of emotional pain. It’s an awful place to be.

Sorry to hear you’re having such a rotten time of it at the moment, but you’re a confident person and an optimist at heart, so I know you’ll pull through.


4 Sherry Riter March 30, 2014 at 10:21 am

Thank you very much.


5 Joan March 30, 2014 at 9:26 pm

You’re way to hard on yourself. 🙁


6 Sherry Riter March 30, 2014 at 10:41 pm

Well Joan, you are probably right, but that is how I felt last night. Today I feel a little better. Thank you! {{{{hugsss}}}


7 teresa vett March 31, 2014 at 12:11 pm

Being your mother I will tell you once again, the marriages just ended. We do not fail at life, we live it. We are still here learning and striving to live a life with purpose. We will not have all rainbows without the storms. If I could give you one sentence to guide you on your way —-it is this—Quit looking behind you, it is gone forever, look ahead and take what you have learned and apply it to your future. We have to forgive ourselves for making human mistakes, learn and move on. You were taught all you needed to be successful in this life and the forever. It is up to you what you do, true happiness comes from within oneself. I learned a long time ago to never base your happy times on someone else. They can never be the main course of life – just the dessert. Get up, get out of the house in the sunshine and take one step into faith and bring out the miracles you desire for NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR YOU. Your mama loves you and I am here if you want me


8 Sherry Riter April 2, 2014 at 10:36 am

I agree with most of what you said, but I do think we can fail at lots of things in life. Maybe not life itself, but many experiences, even if we learn from them, can ultimately have been failures. I believe people should always look behind to make sure they remember not to make the same mistakes they already made. You can move on, but never forget where you’ve been. 🙂


9 Thomas Bergel March 31, 2014 at 12:45 pm

“Even though life is difficult as times, you must understand that these challenges are not here to beat you, defeat you, or squash you like a bug. Life is not against you (even though it feels that way sometimes). Every single experience is in your life to serve your process of growth and learning. Every situation you experience serves that purpose and is ultimately for your good.” ~ Kimberly Giles, from Choosing Clarity: The Path to Fearlessness.


10 Sherry Riter April 2, 2014 at 10:32 am

Thank you Thomas. “Every situation you experience serves that purpose and is ultimately for your good.” That is soooooooooooooooo hard to remember when times get tough.


11 Leigh April 17, 2014 at 11:31 pm

It has been a while since I’ve read your posts, and even longer since I’ve posted myself. I don’t want to air my grief and frustration, yet your title drew me in, and I’m so grateful to be here. You help, you connect with us through your words. I’ve wondered if I am at the bottom, and have just made the choice you mention: wallow, or move forward. And I will move forward in ways I never have before. Thank you for reaffirming how I feel.


12 Sherry Riter May 2, 2014 at 7:35 am

You’re welcome Leigh! Thanks for stopping by! {{{hugsss}}}


13 Hazel July 23, 2015 at 8:16 pm

Would it be alright if I share some of these comments on Facebook, I really like them, they fit me to a tee!


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