I’m not going to get all religious on you, but I want to use a quote from the King James version of the Bible. In the New Testament, John 8:7 states:
“So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
Let’s start with the pivotal verb in this verse…cast. To cast means:
throw (something) forcefully in a specified direction.
So you might be thinking that this is all well and good, but what is the point?
The main thought here is that, “He that is without sin” or in other words, if you haven’t ever made a mistake, then YOU have the right to go ahead and throw your judgments at the people who have made mistakes.
Do you know any perfect people?
I don’t either.
So with all that being said, I want to tell you a few things about me and this blog.
- I have shared very personal and painful experiences and feelings with you in hopes that other people who are going through the same things won’t feel alone.
- I talk about my struggle and “cure” of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because not enough is understood about this HORRIBLE affliction and since it is a “mental illness,” all kinds of shame is associated with it. I want to help people who suffer and educate those who do not suffer from PTSD.
- I do not want your pity.
- I do not “wallow” in all the sad experiences of my life because I want to be a victim. I have “dissected” many aspects of my life in order to understand why I have made the bad subconscious choices in my past so that I won’t make the same mistakes in my future. The only way to change one’s character is to have understanding. I share my struggles and eventually I share how I overcome or change the character traits that I don’t like about myself so that you can see it is possible. I hope you find it inspiring or motivational.
- I am not any better than you, but I’m also not beneath you either.
- I am not arrogant.
- I am frequently wrong.
- I never purposely do anything to hurt someone.
- I am not conniving.
- I hope for everyone’s happiness even for the evil people who stab me in the back.
- I am sensitive meaning that I have deep emotions especially when I love you.
- I am passionate about the things I enjoy doing and those things I believe.
- I work very hard and it makes me feel great.
- I do have a wide range of skills and am intelligent.
- I think that the most important thing we can learn on this planet is to truly love each other. Love is the center of everything. If you love someone, you will not be selfish, unkind, mean, abusive or a whole list of other things. Instead, if you love someone, really love them, you want them happy and you give the best of yourself. You are thoughtful, trustworthy, forgiving, patient, and all those good traits.
In conclusion, I’m a human being living on the same planet as you. I make mistakes, have regrets, cry when my feelings are hurt, laugh when I’m happy and am filled with fear when I can’t see through the darkness. I think that makes me a lot like you. I try really hard to do the right thing and make the right choices because I don’t like to suffer consequences. That’s just me.
You’re not going to see me throwing stones at you. I recognize that you have freedom of choice and if you make not so good choices, I will be sad that you have to suffer the consequences. I don’t want to control anyone. All the times I was being controlling was because I wanted to save you pain, save me pain or I wanted to be loved. I have since learned that I can only control myself. If you aren’t going to spend time with me, honor, respect or love me, then I have to just accept it and live my life without you.
Unfortunately for me, I have often crossed paths with people who while in the guise of loving me, really just used me, took me for granted, led a secret life with other women behind my back, were selfish or basically abused me. Thanks to therapy, the process that some people think is unnecessary or ridiculous, I now understand why I have allowed people who have brought unhappiness to remain in my life for so long. Finally I have understanding. Remember, that is the first step in making a change.
On Saturday I attended a funeral. Although I didn’t know the lady who had passed, the preacher’s message of living a good life filled with love pierced my soul. I have no hidden agenda in my relationships with anyone. I shouldn’t ever have to beg anyone to be kind, considerate, thoughtful, faithful or affectionate. I am rather simple…I love and want to be loved back. I actually deserve to be sincerely loved even though I am not perfect.
So if you don’t want to love me, don’t do it.
If you want to love me, show it at all times whether I’m physically with you or not.
Last, but not least…If you want to pick me apart or just cast stones….just stop.