When the hard times or “winters” of life are upon us, we have the power within us to survive and even thrive. It is during these times that the power of the soul is discovered. Some people take the easy way out. Some people deny their inner voice. Some people face the problems, learn and lead a better life after learning their true strength.
I don’t give up.
I may complain, cry, get angry, grieve and be filled with fear, but I don’t give up completely.
As I have been dissecting myself the past four years, it has been a very lonely journey. The road leading to the center of my soul is not a road I have remained on for long…until now.
Yesterday during one of the hardest therapy sessions I’ve ever experienced, the core issue to my struggle with relationships was unearthered. It was painful to see myself with such a terrible aching pain that has never been healed. A hurt that has caused me to make so many choices that held me back in life.
I didn’t sleep Monday night except for a few hours of almost awake tossing and turning. The moment my eyes opened in the morning, I felt the ache in my chest that I went to bed feeling. The pain has been so great that even crying doesn’t offer relief. But I know that no matter how awful the pain gets, I will not give up. Quitting does not even enter into my thoughts.
This deep rooted hurt will be healed because I’m not going to stop until I am new and whole. PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) taught the following concept to me and I hold onto it tightly every time I start to fear my future…
“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” ~ Albert Camus ~
As I continue to travel through this “winter” in my life, I know that I can conquer this very old and primitive pain that has caused so much anguish and misery. No, I won’t stop until it has been healed properly and then my heart will be light and unburdened.
We all experience difficult periods in life. The difference between us is how we handle them.