Self-Esteem And The Welcome Mat

by Sherry Riter in Lessons of Life,Self-Development  

welcome mat

It has been three days since I’ve written a post and that is a rarity because I usually write at least six posts a week. Why have I missed writing three days of posts? I’m going to tell you, but first I want to tell you a little bit about self-esteem.

What Is Self-Esteem?

self-esteem: a confidence and satisfaction in oneself : self-respect

16 Things That Can Lead To Low Self-Esteem

How do you see yourself? Well, early in life we form an opinion of our self based on our experiences, environment, and the people around us. There are many things that can lead to having low self-esteem. How many of the following apply to you?

  1. Having a feeling of worthlessness
  2. Being so different that you are left out
  3. A poor body image
  4. Neglected
  5. Abused
  6. In an environment where there is no affection or praise
  7. Fear
  8. Anxiety and apprehension
  9. Not meeting parental expectations
  10. Anger and rage
  11. Perfectionist
  12. Unable to meet peer standards
  13. Self-hate
  14. Sensitive/over sensitive/more sensitive than most people
  15. Stressful environment
  16. A people-pleaser

“The worst loneliness is
to not be comfortable with yourself.”
~ Mark Twain ~

What Is A Self-Esteem Welcome Mat

I know that everyone is beautiful in their own way. I really don’t have a problem with believing that because I’m prone to see the good in all people. That’s just my personality.

It is quite apparent that I’m different than I used to be in many ways. One of the things that has changed and yet hasn’t changed is my self-esteem welcome mat.

A self-esteem welcome mat is when your self-esteem is so low that you allow other people to walk all over you. Yes, that’s right…you allow people to use you.


You know that list of 16 things that can lead to low self-esteem? I can’t tell you how many actually apply to me because it is rather pathetic that I have such low self-esteem and yet I continually write about how to have a healthy self-image. Why can’t I take my own advice?

That’s a billion dollar answer.

I’m not sure I will ever know when and why it all started, but I do know that I have been fighting low self-esteem most of my life. It has wrecked many wonderful opportunities. It has also brought me a lot of unhappiness because I have given huge portions of my life and precious time to people who took me for granted, ignored, abused or just used me to make their life easier. The worst part is that I allowed them to do so. Of course, that makes me feel even worse because I could have ended it.

I had a choice and I chose being trod upon like a welcome mat rather than loving myself enough to do what was best for me. Why did I do that to myself? This question goes around and around my head all the time making life hard for me now. I no longer am able to blindly trust anyone and my fear of being hurt in any way goes off the scale. Surely everyone has an ulterior motive in their relationship with me. Basically I serve a purpose to them. So when I’m not serving a purpose, obviously I’m not worth spending time with because I’m not that interesting.

Do I believe those lines of thought while thinking rationally?

No way.

I know that there are people who love me. The problem comes with how I perceive the whole relationship. How do I know where to draw the line? How do I know when I am really loved for me and not for the role I play in that person’s life? So it is the people that I have in my life as much as it is how I feel about myself which brings me right back to my own self-esteem.

Writing this whole post feels rather pathetic, however, I’m not the only person on the planet who has low self-esteem. Somehow I need to learn to let go of the fear of being hurt and realize that I AM a valuable person that is worthy of being loved…permanently. I may not be the most intelligent, interesting, funny, beautiful or talented person, but I am enough. That was awfully hard to type. One part of the brain was saying it while the other part was screaming, “Not true!!!”

The insecurity and fear are overwhelming at times. When those emotions overwhelm my heart and mind, I have no creativity nor can I think of anything to say. That is why I haven’t written a post for three days. That is why I have struggled while writing this post. That is why I fear my future. My low self-esteem has done a number on my sense of self-worth and insecurities. Looking at everyone’s smiling face on the internet and reading their wonderful bios and about pages just makes me feel worse about myself. What do I have to offer anyone that will make a relationship permanent? How can I trust my own emotions when I have been such a bad judge of character in friendships and love in the past? How do I let someone into my life and freely love them while believing that they love me back?

I’m not really sure how I will get through this quandary, but I know that I must if I’m going to do more than be a hermit living in a cave. Telling myself that, “Even if this person or that person doesn’t approve, love or breaks your heart, you will survive the pain,” just doesn’t feel like a great consolation nor does it remove the insecurity and fear.

Hopefully, this post is not about you. I hope you do not have this problem too. I hope you have no fear or insecurity and are able to love freely with peace. If not, I send you {{hugsss}} and hope that you can navigate your way to having a healthy self-esteem. I’m going to kick myself in the butt and get ready for work now.

Have a great day!


This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Anne September 10, 2013 at 8:59 pm

Hi Sherry,

I think this post speaks to everyone to some degree. Who doesn’t experience self doubt every now and again? Well, there may be some but, I believe those people are just close minded, arrogant and perhaps a bit delusional. LOL I think there is fault with just simply believing you have no faults and that no ideas have merit but your own. It is always better to be open to alternative ideas and new ways of thinking. So self doubt CAN be a good thing. Sometimes. 🙂

Perhaps my self doubt shows itself because I can be a people-pleaser , over sensitive at times, a perfectionist(when it comes to me) and have experienced a fair share of stressful environments.
I’m quick to apologize and even quicker to forgive.

I too, always look for the good in people and I strongly feel that beauty comes from within. (I take after my grandmother in this way) I like everyone I meet, until they prove me wrong. And even then, I will continue to believe or hope there is goodness somewhere within them. Sometimes until all hope is exhausted. *picture me here with my miner’s hat, pick axe and shovel in search of the inner beauty* LOL And only then will I move on.

I hold integrity, honesty and kindness in the highest regard. And I am eternal optimist. Sometimes being an optimist is hard. It can often lead to disappointment. And disappointment in people is the hardest kind of disappointment to take. For me at least.

Maybe that’s why we hold on. Not because we have doormat self esteem. Not because we believe we are not worthy. But, because we want to believe so badly that the person we believed in, was indeed worthy of that belief.

I never considered giving up to be an attribute. But, maybe in certain situations we need to do just that and do it sooner. Throw in the towel, say uncle and just walk away. We should, at the first sign of disappointment, put them on the back burner and just sit back and observe. And then let them prove by their actions (not words) whether or not they are worthy of us.

OK… I’m rambling here. All I really wanted to say was this…

I think you are awesome! From the moment I “met” you on twitter and through your blog. It’s pretty clear you speak from the heart and are not afraid to let your vulnerabilities show. And that is very brave. You are smart and I think very organized (sadly a trait I lack but, I’m working on it).

You show an authenticity and genuine kindness through your writing that is a rare and wonderful quality. A gift really. You are truly Beautiful. Inside and out. And it is my privilege have found you on this great wide web!

Very Sincerely,
Anne 🙂


2 Sherry Riter September 10, 2013 at 10:24 pm

I never thought of self-doubt as a positive, but you are right!

“*picture me here with my miner’s hat, pick axe and shovel in search of the inner beauty*” Yes, that was funny.

“I hold integrity, honesty and kindness in the highest regard.” Me too! I don’t like being lied to or used. I’ve had so much of both that I just can’t tolerate either one anymore.

I do hold on to a situation too long and that is to my detriment. When someone makes it obvious that they do not respect me, I should just let go and in the past, I didn’t. That’s definitely not good.

Giving up is often necessary and it is hard for me to do too. That is why I have been so hurt in my past. Ugh.

Thank you so much for your kind words. It IS hard to show my vulnerabilities, but by doing so, I think it is easier for others to understand and relate to my message and me. Thank you for taking the time to make a comment. 😀


3 Angel September 11, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Thanks for sharing with us at our Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop. I really enjoy visiting your blog.


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