The Enormous Spider And The Wicked Voice

by Sherry Riter in Love,Self-Development  

pioneer woman across the plains 1800s

As I walked through the living room, I saw a GIGANTIC spider laying on the carpeted floor. The VERY LARGE spider didn’t move and Bella wasn’t paying any attention to it, so I moved closer. I looked down at the IMPOSING spider and saw that he was about one inch from the tip of one leg all the way across his body to the end of the opposing leg. The spider’s body was fat and thick.

Like I said, he was a GIANT spider.

The BIG spider was really, really, really scary to me.

Needless to say I was already scared just from looking at the HUGE, black spider.

Out of nowhere the thought made a grand appearance in my head and said, “You would have made a terrible pioneer woman. You would never make it on the plains.”

I thought about that for a second while I stared at the HUMONGOUS unmoving spider.

I am a giant chicken.

I’m a wimp.

I am scared of a one inch spider that hasn’t even moved yet.

I looked closer at the ENORMOUS spider and realized that not only was he not moving, but he was already dead. The SUPER-SIZED spider had chosen my home as his burial ground. What is even worse is that I apparently am scared of a COLOSSAL one inch DEAD spider.

Then I heard that familiar voice in my head again say, “You would have made a terrible wife in the 1800’s.”

Since I am full of self-defeating behaviors and horrible self-talk that no one’s going to tell my therapist about, another thought crossed my mind and this time it actually hurt.

“You are obviously a terrible wife because two men didn’t want you after you married them.”

That voice in my head is often quite WICKED. It knows exactly which buttons to push so that self-doubt gets prodded into self-loathing.

This time, however, it didn’t completely work because I know I’m not a terrible wife when I have a husband. That voice should have been more subtle and it might have convinced me.

Anyway, as I’m still standing over the MAMMOTH spider, I remembered something Joan told me.

Joan, a screenwriter who lives in California, asked me to do something technical for her a couple weeks ago. When I was finished, she said, “You are amazing at this technical stuff!” or something close to that statement.

My laughing reply to her was, “I know! Ha! Ha!”

There was a slight pause and then Joan said in a somewhat serious tone, “When someone gives you a compliment about non-technical things, why don’t you have that same attitude and self-belief?”

“What a DUMB question!” I thought to myself. The longer the question floated around my brain, the more I realized that it was actually a very baffling question and not one that I could really answer.

So I’m standing over the GARGANTUAN dead spider thinking about how he is dead and I don’t need to be scared anymore. Followed by the thoughts that I would make a terrible wife in the 1800’s, but I was a good wife twice. The final thought being that I have all the confidence in the world in my skills, but not in personality traits or in my physical appearance.

I carefully picked up the MONSTROUS dead spider and wrapped it in tissue while my very cute dog continued to completely ignore me.

Standing quite still with the tissue covered JUMBO dead spider in my hand, I realized that I don’t have to put myself down for not being savvy with insects, being unable to birth numerous babies in a log cabin in the back woods without medical help or that I don’t have a huge garden that can feed my entire family.

Why have I always felt that I have to be able to do everything and do everything perfectly in order to have value?

My focus should be on the things I do really well and improve upon them.

I do not have to be good at everything or be everything to all people in order to be liked or loved.

Just as I give everyone the opportunity to be their own self, I have to give myself the opportunity to be unique. That’s a hard thing for a people-pleaser to not only admit, but to adhere to daily while putting it into practice.

Giving unconditional love to others is so much easier than unconditional love and acceptance for myself.

It has been a hard lesson to learn, but I finally realize that I am NOT going to be understood by all people. PTSD is not going to be understood by all people no matter how eloquently I try to teach it. The most I can do is inform people who are willing to step out of their comfortable cocoons and listen.

Believe it or not, there are people who think that there is no such thing as PTSD. There are also people you are close-minded and think that the only right way is their way. That totally opens another can of worms that I am going to let stay closed for now.

The BIG dead spider taught me a lesson today.

Poor dead HULKING dead spider.

I’m glad Bella didn’t eat it.

My lesson today wasn’t that I wouldn’t have been a good wife in the 1800’s. Instead my lesson today was that I have an individual strength just like the women did in the 1800’s. I’m just as valuable and important as any woman in the 1800’s or anyone who has ever lived on this planet.

We are our own worst enemy.

That is also the truth for you. We all have self-worth and different strengths. We should remember that we cannot be duplicated.

We are an original.

Therefore we are priceless.

How much better does it get than priceless?

It doesn’t get any better than priceless.

I am a priceless original worthy of love and happiness.

You are a priceless original worthy of love and happiness.

Is it really THAT hard to appreciate the value in each other and give love to one another?

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jaimie August 3, 2013 at 4:31 am

Atleast you looked again to realize it was dead.. If I would have seen that in my house, I would have picked up the baby & hid in the other room till my hubby took care of it. Sadly I’ve done it before… thats why he says I will never make it far if the zombie apocalypse ever does happen :/


2 Sherry Riter August 3, 2013 at 6:40 am

LOLOLOL Jaimie! Thank you for sharing that story! Maybe I’m a little braver than I thought I was after all! 😀


3 Philip Bond August 3, 2013 at 6:10 am

One day, I’ll tell you of travelling home one evening sharing the journey with a Huntsman.


4 Sherry Riter August 3, 2013 at 6:39 am

I will look forward to it! 🙂


5 Kristi August 3, 2013 at 9:23 am

I still get icked out about spiders and other creepy crawly things. Even the occasional mouse that sneaks in. Having lived alone for so long, I’ve had to pull up my boot straps and take care of it myself. I can totally identify with your plight. Sometimes it’s the shock of seeing the creepy crawly thing when you aren’t expecting it that adds to the paralyzing feeling.

About compliments, I once heard someone say that if you don’t accept a compliment in the manner it’s given, it does a disservice to the compliment giver. Dismissing their compliment, brushing it off or laughing it off essentially calls them a liar. So, after I heard that I have tried to be thoughtful and gracious in how I respond. A sincere compliment should be taken in the same manner. And you are AMAZING! You may not be able to hitch a team of oxen up, but you can wrangle HTML like nobody’s business. 🙂


6 Sherry Riter August 3, 2013 at 6:15 pm

LOL Kristi! Thank you! I love your description…”you can wrangle HTML like nobody’s business”

In my head I picture myself roping a bunch of wild HTML in the middle of a fenced off dirt area. LOLOLOLOL


7 Kristi August 3, 2013 at 10:10 pm

Yee Haw!!! Rawhide….get along little html’s.


8 Sherry Riter August 4, 2013 at 9:55 am

LOLOLOLOLOL YOU are a hoot! 😀


9 Joan August 4, 2013 at 12:16 am

Actually, I didn’t say, “You are amazing at this technical stuff!” or something close to that statement. Well, it was something close to that statement. Let me refresh your memory. I said, “You are a genius when it comes to anything technical! I don’t know how you figure all of these things out.” And without missing a beat you laughingly replied, “I know!” And I thought. “Dang, she will acknowledge her technical skills and have complete confidence in her ability to figure anything out, but when it comes to complimenting her about a personal attribute, that confidence will completely fade away.”

Okay, now changing the subject completely. I read this post with my heart in my throat. You know why. I never kill spiders. I catch them in a mayonnaise jar, put a thin piece of cardboard over the lid, then take them outside and release them on a nice patch of grass, free to live out the rest of their life and spin their webs. Knowing how scared you are of spiders, I actually feared for the spider in your story, but then there was nothing to fear. The spider was already dead. Anyhow, I usually sign off with a smiley face, but no smiley face today out of respect for the dead spider.


10 Sherry Riter August 4, 2013 at 10:02 am

LOL Okay, first, I said it was “something like that,” so I came close. 😉 At least I got the meaning right! LOL

As far as the spider goes…I AM TERRIFIED of bugs. Freaking out, crazy, scared out of mind, terrified of bugs. I don’t think I have posted about my closet and bug experience. I’ll check and if not, I will tell you all about that absolutely terrible day!

So yes, the spider was already dead. He nearly gave me a heart attack. You just can’t imagine how badly I freak out when I see a spider crawling.

Your last sentence is HILARIOUS. 100 percent HILARIOUS! LOL


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