Bad Relationships Teach You Valuable Lessons

by Sherry Riter in Lessons of Life

map of the united states


Some are good.

Some are bad.

The bad relationships are painful, but they teach you valuable lessons.

“The scariest thing about distance
is that you don’t know
whether they’ll miss you or forget you.”
~ Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook ~

Years ago I had a long distance relationship.

I thought it was good.

It turned out to be quite bad.

I did learn several important lessons by having that relationship. With my heart open and vulnerable, it was easy to get hurt and blinded to the other person’s fatal flaws.

He was a cheater.

Not just once.

Or twice.

He was a chronic cheater.

While I sat home being faithful and true, he was dating lots of other women.

I think I heard every excuse possible for not answering the phone.

“I was sleeping.”

“The battery on my phone was dead.”

“I was in the shower.”

“My phone fell between the cushions of the couch and I couldn’t hear it ring.”

“I left my phone at my sister’s house.”

“The phone was in the other room and I didn’t hear it ringing.”

“My phone never rang.”

“I was getting gas and left the phone in the car.”

All in all the “reasons” for not answering the phone seem normal, however, he hardly ever answered his phone. After hearing the same excuses over and over, it was easy to doubt the veracity of any words that came out of his mouth.

In order for any intimate relationship to work, whether it is long distance or not, both people have to desire the same type of union.

Personally, I feel that if you are engaged, you don’t date other people. Obviously, he didn’t feel the same way.

During one phone conversation he said something that has stuck with me through the years.

I was trying to make us both feel better about the distance between us and said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

He was quiet for a moment and said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.”

That should have been my clue, but I was rather naive.

Once we ended the relationship, I stopped using the saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” because every time I started to say it, I could hear him end it with, “for someone else.”

Do I believe that…no.

Not if both people really love each other.

However, I do believe that if someone doesn’t really love you, then it doesn’t matter if they are far away or close, the relationship will not be successful.

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Joan August 21, 2013 at 10:44 pm

You definitely nailed that with the last sentence, “However, I do believe that if someone doesn’t really love you, then it doesn’t matter if they are far away or close, the relationship will not be successful.” Sooo true! In fact, they can be living in the same house! (Think about that for awhile.) 🙂


2 Sherry Riter August 21, 2013 at 11:02 pm

😀 Yep, so true, unfortunately and I have learned the hard way.


3 Peter Spenser August 22, 2013 at 11:42 pm

“Personally, I feel that if you are engaged, you don’t date other people.”

You’re saying that wrong. You make it sound as if you have a certain opinion about this subject and someone else is allowed to have another opinion that you might not agree with.

No. There’s no “opinion” about it. If you’re engaged, you don’t date other people. Period. That’s the purpose of an engagement, to see if a relationship is ready for marriage, which is the next—and permanent—step. If you want to date other people, you’re not engaged. That’s it.

Because being engaged “to” another person also means to be engaged “with” them, in every sense of the word: to be attached to that person, to interlock your lives, to pledge and promise yourself to each other, to be involved in each other’s activities.

And I hope that it wasn’t “we” who ended that relationship. I hope that it was you who ended it. I hope that you tossed that lying loser right out of your life and moved on with your head held high, secure in the knowledge that you deserve someone better than that.


4 Sherry Riter August 23, 2013 at 10:01 am

LOLOLOLOL No, “we” didn’t end the relationship. “I” ended the relationship. I was a different person back then and it took me a long time to actually end it. Today if the same thing happened, it would be a different story. =====—FAST doesn’t even begin to describe the speed at which I would, as you say, “toss the lying loser right out of my life.” 😉

I definitely believe the same definition of “engaged” as you do. Apparently he had a whole different concept of the meaning. 😀


5 Kenny Sellards October 14, 2014 at 1:52 pm

Looks like Joan and Peter pretty much said what was on my mind too. 🙂 I shall just thank you for sharing and go read the next one! 🙂 Thank you for Sharing! 😀


6 Sherry Riter October 14, 2014 at 8:49 pm

😀 Thank you Kenny! I appreciate you always taking the time to comment. 😀


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