How To Calm A Man
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper.
The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?
The woman says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Everyday my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason and it scares me.”
The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing the water in your mouth. Just swish and swish, but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or goes to bed and falls asleep.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”
The Doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”
Texting When You’re Ignorant
This seems like something my mother would do.
Mom: Your great aunt just passed away. LOL
David: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny David! What do you mean?
David: Mom “LOL” means “Laughing Out Loud!”
Mom: Oh my goodness! I sent that to everyone I thought it meant “Lots Of Love”. I have to call everyone back!