Grapes In The Bar
A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Got any grapes?”
Again, the bartender tells him, “No — the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, “Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!”
The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, “Got any nails?”
Confused, the bartender says no.
“Good!” says the duck. “Got any grapes?”
Three Old Ladies
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”
The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!”
The third lady smiles smugly. “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”