Therapy, The Therapist And Me
When I saw my therapist on Friday, I said to her in a very aggravated tone, “I am sick and tired of the remaining PTSD symptoms that I have because they wreck my life. I’ve already lost so much and I just want them gone.” Of course, she was calm and she pointed out all the things that I have already moved past. My therapist also told me that I was very strong because not only have I gone through many life changes at once, but I actually followed through with trying to conquer them. I felt like rolling my eyes at her, but I restrained myself.
Let me give you an example of what my therapist meant…Unless you work at getting rid of PTSD, it is not going to leave your life. So if you try to drink away the pain, not only is there a high possibility that you will become consumed with alcohol, but the drinking will exacerbate the PTSD. The same result applies if you take too many drugs, become a total pothead (smoke marijuana constantly) or become overly sexual. All these things would temporarily dull the pain and symptoms, but in the long run it makes the PTSD worse.
In order to actually get “well” and eliminate PTSD from your life, you must work at it…constantly. Obviously, I’m sick of it. I want my life back and yet I know that the life I once had is gone.
My daughter is now grown.
My husband is gone.
I live in a different place.
I can’t eat grain anymore.
I have a different job.
I am a different person.
Keeping a hopeful heart and a positive outlook is truly a daunting task which I fail at sometimes. I miss me. I think in many ways I have become a better me, but I miss my naivety to the painful truth of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I have a lot of sadness. Although I diligently work on getting “better” by going to therapy, listening to the therapeutic CD’s and practicing all that I’ve learned, it has been such a hard struggle. Writing on my blog gave me a touch point to the old me while helping me cope with the new me. To have started blogging for one intention and in the end having it save me, causes such a stir of emotion within my heart. I can’t even express my gratitude for this outlet of expression.
It is hard to have so many unfamiliar things in my life without someone to lean on and hold me. I know that I’m not the only one that struggles through personal hardships or who lives without a companion. I guess I’m just more vocal about all of it and the night always seems to make everything a little bit sadder.
Haiku – A Poem
Soft breeze, slivered moon,
Winter’s darkness absorbs day
In the cold night air.
Flow constantly through my mind
As sobbing begins.
Tear stained broken heart
Wishes for morning to come
To bring hope again.
Such a bummer. I think I’ll hop over and read 50 Motivational/Inspirational Quotes & Proverbs To Lift Your Spirit by someone that I know very, very well. 😉
Before I go, I just want to say that I’m actually proud of how I’ve made it to this point. I didn’t think I was strong enough to survive, so I’m giving myself a high five and slap on the butt today. Yikes! That’s not as firm as it used to be! I guess I should exercise. LOL
Oh, one more thing…I took the picture of the moon, so you can tell me how awesome it is in the comments below and you can give me a high five, but don’t slap my butt. LOL