Spy, Sleuth, Detective, Investigator, Spook, Intelligencer?

by Sherry Riter in Cooking  ,Gluten Free,Grain Free

I have James Bond tied to my dining room chair. Yes, the real 007 is right here! I’m not going to let him go until he gives up all his secret techniques for being an excellent spy. So far, he hasn’t told me anything!

By now you’ve probably already seen my swollen and rashed face caused by grain allergies. After nearly a year of agony, learning that I didn’t have a dreaded disease made the grain allergy diagnosis a welcomed relief.

After eliminating all the grain in my diet immediately, I felt a bit euphoric. The fat also started dropping off my whole body and I started feeling so much healthier. Throughout my body, inflammation was drastically reduced ridding me of supremely swollen joints and a very puffy face. My energy increased exponentially and I was quite excited with waking up to see less fat on my new body each day.

(Running to the dining room to tell James Bond that I will bring him lunch in just a few minutes because I have to finish my post first.)

It’s been almost two months since I’ve eaten grain in anything except when I showed you how to eat a Reese Peanut Butter Cup the right way. I was a bit ignorant to the grain ingredients at the time which was a great lesson of ignorance is not bliss.

My emotions have been on a teeter totter with my new grain free life. I’m thrilled with my new found health, but quite sad that my culinary gifts are limited to grain free flours that I’ve never used before and my taste buds no longer have the opportunity to delight in a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut.

In my mind, I’ve been believing that eventually I would get to enjoy grain again. So this whole grain free thing is just temporary. That’s what I’ve been telling myself. The doctor has been saying that it is a permanent life change, but sometimes doctors are wrong. Right?

So I’ve been reading every label and not consuming anything with grain in it. I had quit using all products on my body except for clothing, shampoo, conditioner and extremely natural and healthy makeup. I was also not eating chicken or using spices. My food was often bland and just enough to keep me alive, but it was a trade off I was willing to make in order to give my face time to heal.

Since I haven’t been using lotion, my skin was becoming like an alligator. Last Monday I decided to start adding body lotion, chicken and spices back into my life. By Monday evening, my face was broken out with a rash. Immediately I cut the chicken and spices back out of my diet.

Tuesday I went into work and slathered the lotion on my hands. They just drank it up and once again, I had soft, smooth skin except on my face. Tuesday night my rash was worse.

By the time Wednesday evening rolled around, my face was swollen, itchy, hurting, hot, rashed and I was not only upset, but I felt like puking! I wasn’t eating anything grain!!! Why was my face doing this to me?!

Thursday, I walked into my office at work a bit deflated because I didn’t understand why my face was breaking out all over again. I reached for my hand and body cream. Just when I was about to glob a bunch into my palm, I stopped.

Had I already read the ingredients in the hand and body cream?

To be on the safe side, I flipped the tube over. There was a big long list of ingredients! No wonder I hadn’t read them. Labels are so boring to read, but I decided to read it anyway. I found it rather funny that I’ve used this lotion slathered all over my body for many, many years and never once have I read the ingredients.

By the time I had read half way down the list of ingredients, I knew that I would have to go home that night and look most of them up, but I kept reading. When I reached the seventh ingredient from the bottom, I almost choked on my own spit.

Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Germ Oil

Still in shock, I kept reading. The next ingredient pretty much left me speechless.

Zea Mays (Corn) Oil

I had been slathering on lotion that contained the two grains I’m most allergic to for three days. Surely this was just coincidence. I mean, they are at the very bottom of the list of ingredients, so there can’t be that much wheat and corn in the lotion. Right?

Ulta Va Va Vanilla Hand & Body Cream

The lotion cap stayed closed and I didn’t put any lotion on at all. Could the hand and body cream containing wheat and corn really be the culprit for my sudden face rash?

By Friday morning the rash was barely swollen and by Sunday, it had all but disappeared.

My allergy to grain is all encompassing. I’m allergic to grain whether it is on the inside or on the outside of my body. This grain free way of living is how I have to live the rest of my life. I just have to accept it and that is why I’ve got James Bond 007 tied to my dining room chair.

I have concluded that I have natural detective, sleuthing talents. Seriously! It wasn’t easy figuring out that the hand and body cream I’ve been using for-ev-er contained wheat and corn oil! Sheesh! Why did they have to put those grains in the lotion?!

Anyway, if I’m THIS good at being a detective, then with a bit of tutoring from James Bond 007, I will be one heck of a spy!

I better go for now. I’m making salmon, oven baked sweet potatoes and asparagus with garlic clove sauce for the two of us. Maybe some delicious food will coax James Bond to tell me a few secrets. If that doesn’t work, I’ll just make him listen to Justin Bieber for a few hours… Then I bet he’ll want to talk to me!

Signing out…Double 0 Red

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Bev November 20, 2012 at 4:46 am

Ouch, Sherry. I have to read labels to not get any sulfa dioxide, finding that was my spy tale. Mineral oil as a emollient might be a solution for your dry skin. But only try it on one test spot first. Then experiment with what fragrances you can add. Life with allergies and sensitive skin gets interesting. Hope the rash goes away soon, Double 0 Red!


2 Sherry Riter November 20, 2012 at 7:54 am

Yep, no rash today. Yay! 😀

Hope you have a great day, Bev!


3 Skip_D November 20, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Ha! The big question is… are you the new Bond girl – or is Hapless James the new Riter boy??? 😉


4 Sherry Riter November 21, 2012 at 3:30 am

Hmmmm….Excellent question!


5 Joan November 29, 2012 at 5:42 am

Double O Red, you are a riot – even though what you are going through is not funny, you still manage to maintain your sense of humor! 🙂


6 Sherry Riter November 29, 2012 at 11:25 am

Moi? LOL Thanks!


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