As I walked into the front door of my home at around 8:45 p.m. tonight, I was reminded of the fact that I spend most of my life working. When my nose has been on the grindstone all day and it is this late, I sure don’t feel like eating or doing much of anything else for that fact.
All week long I have sat in front of a computer and worked on stuff like Excel spreadsheets. They are a bit more interesting than the one I have in the photo, but to people like my daughter or mother, they would be equally as boring. That aspect of it all rather cracks me up. I’m so nerdy like that and they both are so much the opposite.
Anyway, after working all day until really late, I then come home and immediately sit down at my computer and start working again. I’m just loads and loads of excitement aren’t I? So much so that you are probably gripping your seat and wishing we could trade lives.
As the thoughts rolled around in my mind, I started to feel a bit depressed which I’m sure was exacerbated by the fact that I’m super tired and there are a million boxes all around the room. So I thought I would take just a minute to let you know my upcoming schedule.
Starting October 24th, I will be moving and will actually be using my vacation time from work to get it all done. I hope to be completely moved in by October 28th so that I will have time to recover before going back to my job. The week I get back to work, they will announce who no longer has a job because of the lay off. ***terrifying***
I’m hoping to have posts pre-written and automatically post while I’m working my butt off and moving. With all the stuff on my list that still has to get finished, I’m desperately trying not to use the words shoulda, coulda and woulda. Instead, I remind myself that I have not only been physically sick, but my poor PTSD brain has not been top notch either. So I am remaining kind to myself especially as I listen to my therapist’s words echo in my head.
You know, looking back, I know that I’ve come a long way in the past two and a half years. It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been filled with that much happiness. It has been extremely depressing. However…I am still here even if I’m all work, no play and a dull girl. I survived and my new life will start very shortly. A life that I didn’t envision for myself, but nevertheless, it is going to be my life. The real question is, “What exactly am I going to do with this life as I live all alone day in and day out?” I guess time will tell.
I’m definitely going to bed now. In the twenty seconds it takes for me to fall asleep, I will think about…the chocolate man. That’s definitely a sweet dream. Ummm…I said I was extremely tired, not dead.