Alyssa and I had a lovely evening together. Tonight in the Lora M. Robins Theatre at The Steward School in Richmond, Virginia, the CYT (Christian Youth Theater) presented “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” with a bold splash of colors, voices and songs. This musical is about Joseph and his coat of many colors as told in the Old Testament of the Bible.
It was really quite an entertaining and polished presentation. There was an Elvis Pharaoh for one song, a country-western song by Joseph’s eleven brothers and a calypso song. Not only did the Broadway musical convey the story, but did so in a way that everyone in the family could enjoy.
While sitting in the audience watching the story unfold, I was enjoying the experience and very aware that it was the first time I had been “out” like that in over two years. *sigh*
In order for you to understand something I’m going to write about, I need to first tell you about a part of the play and the story of Joseph.
First, Joseph’s eleven brothers threw him in a pit. Then they sold Joseph as a slave to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver who in turn took Joseph to Egypt. The Egyptian, Potiphar, who was an officer of Pharaoh and captain of the guard, made Joseph an overseer over his house. Joseph’s troubles didn’t end. Because Joseph resists Potiphar’s wife’s advances, she falsely accused him of being with her, so…
Genesis 39:20 And Joseph’s master took him, and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were bound: and he was there in the prison.
At this point of the musical, Joseph was singing behind bars that were like a prison wall. He was mostly in darkness except for one small light that was shining on him.
“Do what you want with me,
Hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime
And torture my night
If my life were important I
Would ask will I live or die
But I know the answers lie
Far from this world”
“Just give me a number
Instead of my name
Forget all about me
And let me decay
I do not matter,
I’m only one person
Destroy me completely
Then throw me away”
As he sang this song that reflected his sadness and despair, I knew that his story would have a happy ending even though Joseph was having it rough right now.
That’s when it hit me.
Remember those times in life when you got hurt? There was that scrape on your knee that hurt every time you bent your leg and then there was the first time your heart got broken. Maybe you’ve already experienced one or both of your parents die and you felt that part of your heart was ripped out.
There was a beautiful young woman sitting next to me. Intelligent. Accomplished. Alive. Yes, alive. Over two years ago I was like Joseph when he was cast into prison. I couldn’t see light as Alyssa lay totally incoherent in that hospital bed. Paralyzed by fear and overwhelmed with sadness, I sat and stared at Alyssa’s unmoving body. I cried. I sat motionless. Silent. I paced around the bed. Shocked and fearful I watched the monitors. I prayed trying desperately to bargain with God. Tonight that experience is behind both of us as we sat together watching “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”
During our lives we suffer pain – physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. While going through it, life stands still and it doesn’t feel like we will ever see light again. Some people keep seeing the silver lining in the cloud while others just hang their head in despair.
I think when we get to the end of our life, the experience will be like mine tonight. We will look back over all our experiences and know that it is all over. We will either be proud of how we handled all of it or we will wish that we had done a better job with life. Tonight as I sit here typing my post, I have a temporary clarity. That is the way PTSD feels for me. The fog rolls into my brain and then it rolls out only to roll back in again.
So while there is this fleeting moment of clear thinking tonight, I am feeling peace, hope, happiness and extreme thankfulness. I’m also more determined to work myself out of the fog forever. I can’t hardly wait for my brain to be in the sunshine every day.
When you must, endure it,
Thank you Alyssa for a wonderful evening and thank God for my continued experience of motherhood.