Chuckle of the Day – The Ostrich & Mama’s Bible

by Sherry Riter in Chuckle

ostrich head pink beak big eye

The Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says the man.

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right..Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a nice big bootie and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

 

parrot Blue yellow Macaw flying

Mama’s Bible

Four brothers left home for college and became successful doctors and lawyers.

One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the holiday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved toFlorida.

The first said, “You know I had a big house built for Mama.”

The second said, “And I had a large theater built in the house.”

The third said, “And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”

The fourth said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the Church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays, Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote:

“Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”

“Dearest Melvin, You were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much.”

Love,
Mama

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

mom July 5, 2012 at 2:25 am

LOL,LOL,LOL, the chicken is good. It is 2:22 in the morning and I am sitting here with my hands over my mouth so I won’t wake Tom and my tummy is hurting like heck. Thanks, I sure loved that!!!

Also thank you for such a lovely dinner – it was greattttt. Yes readers, I got to eat that delicious food she cooks! Just go on and envy me. LOL

Reply

The Redhead Riter July 5, 2012 at 7:28 am

Glad you enjoyed both the jokes and the dinner. It was nice spending time with you.

Reply

Joan July 5, 2012 at 4:07 am

Okay, I admit – both of your stories gave me a chuckle! :)

Reply

The Redhead Riter July 5, 2012 at 7:29 am
Skip_D July 5, 2012 at 5:08 am

Ouchhhhh!!! LOL!!! Those are killers – in one case, literally! Too funny!!!

Reply

The Redhead Riter July 5, 2012 at 7:29 am

LOL Yes, killers!

Reply

Stéfan July 5, 2012 at 10:33 am

Ha!

Reply

The Redhead Riter July 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm
Kristi July 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Good ones. That Mama sounds like my mom. LOL.

Reply

The Redhead Riter July 5, 2012 at 5:18 pm

LOL Kristi!

Reply

PJ January 19, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Hilarious!

Reply

Sherry Riter January 19, 2013 at 8:13 pm

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