At Lunch With Men – Truth About Helping In The Kitchen

by Sherry Riter in Marriage series

at lunch with men

You probably remember that I eat lunch every day in a very sunny break room at work with seven men who renamed me. The women don’t usually start eating until an hour later, so we have the whole place to ourselves.

Sometimes it’s quiet and that is often what I need…peace.

Eating lunch with men has taught me many things that I did not previously know about their gender. I enjoy their candor and find it refreshing. It really has been a very eye opening experience that every woman should have the privilege of enjoying first hand. I think it would improve us as women and help us to become better people.

I sure hope that statement doesn’t puff up their ego even more than it is already. (wink)

I have discovered that dining with men is often much better than reading a self-help book on relationships. I mean, face it, I have the perfect opportunity to get the information directly from seven totally different men. Could it get much better? I don’t think so.

The other day I learned a very interesting thing at lunch with the men. There is almost an art in being able to get out of helping in the kitchen during mealtimes. First of all, most men do not want to help in the kitchen. So to get out of it, they:

  • Break or spill something. This causes quite a hullabaloo during which time they are banished from the kitchen. The woman immediately makes haste to clean up all the mess that the man created.
  • Don’t clean something good enough. Whether it is a food prep item or some other item in the kitchen, if the man does a sloppy job of the cleaning, he is immediately kicked out of the kitchen.

Each occurrence is accompanied by the men whining. I’m sure that isn’t hard to imagine.

I had no idea that men actually implemented a plan to ensure they did not have to help in the kitchen. It was really news to me. Of course, I immediately reflected on my own life. My father, grandfather and uncles did not ever do things in the kitchen nor were they expected to do so.


Upon further contemplation of the events, I concluded that women are a huge portion of the reason that men do not help in the kitchen. Some of the reasons include:

  • Women want it “their way” even when it doesn’t make a difference to the outcome.
  • Women are not satisfied with the job that men do in the kitchen even when they are sincerely helping.
  • Women nag.
  • Women let the men off the hook too easily because it takes more time to show him what they need done than to just keep on doing it themselves.

Since none of the wives of the men at lunch read my blog, I am safe exposing their secrets about helping in the kitchen. My intention is not to have their perfect plan spoiled. (rolling eyes)

The big “but” in all this is that women can not complain in the kitchen if they are unwilling to give up the attitude that everything has to be done their way perfectly. They also need to create an atmosphere of two loving partners working toward a goal instead of a queen and her servant.

Think about it like this…would you complain about how flawed something was that your two year old helped you do? No! Of course you wouldn’t!

Why not?

Well, the bottom line is that you would not want to hurt your child’s feelings. True?

The same should hold true with your partner. If you want help and you want to enjoy his company while you work together, then think about what and how you speak to him. Your intention is to get things accomplished, but I know you don’t want to hurt his feelings while doing it.

So I propose a few things to do to help make “helping in the kitchen” a fun experience for the couple. We are going to assume that the husband and wife love each other and that the husband doesn’t want the wife to do all the work because he enjoys spending free time with her. I had to add that in because more and more I have found people who remain married “just because” instead of because they love and enjoy each other. So ladies:

  • Don’t boss him around. Remember to say “please” and “thank you” so that you do not come across like an Army drill sergeant.
  • Understand that he doesn’t know your routine, but will eventually learn it with time and patience.
  • Know that in the beginning, you will spend more time in the kitchen if he helps you simply because you still haven’t learned how to work together.
  • Teach him interesting tidbits as you work together, but don’t make it a college lecture every time you’re in the kitchen. By having him learn little things here and there, the kitchen experience together will remain interesting.
  • Don’t become a motormouth. The kitchen time is not your time to fill the air with every conceivable thought about shoes, purses, clothes, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!
  • Put into practice my epiphany. It will produce great effects for both people.
  • Flirt. Yes, you read that correctly. Flirt. If he married you then chances are he enjoys flirting with you. The kitchen time together is the perfect time to flirt.
  • If you are in the house together and expect no one else to show up, dress provocatively sometimes. You know what I mean – less is better. As an example, you could pull out the apron and wear it with nothing underneath. I’m sure you get the picture.
  • Never nag. Seriously, do not nag him.

I’m sure that tomorrow I will be harassed when I have lunch with the men. That’s okay because even though it won’t change the way they help or don’t help in the kitchen, it still enlightened everyone else.

Women now know that men do all those things to get out of helping in the kitchen.

Men know that helping in the kitchen could be a wonderful bonding experience with his wife.

Y’all can do whatever you want with this information, but the next time I get a man in the kitchen, I’m going to make sure I spice it up to keep his interest in order to have that extra set of hands helping me cook and bake all those delicious recipes I share with you each week.

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Blue Cotton Memory December 6, 2011 at 8:20 am

Living in a house full of guys – none have thought of that yet – Whew! I will say that I do love guy humor – there's nothing like it. Or maybe I've been living in a house full of boys too long!


2 katlupe December 9, 2011 at 12:31 pm

I cannot say that we are the typical family. My grown son who lives us for the time being, will do all the cooking and cleaning if I let him do it. But like you say, it is not done to my standards. I am trying hard to bite my tongue, and when he is outside put the items back where they really belong.

Now my husband, he would never do something wrong to get out of doing it. He is too much of a perfectionist for that! It would harm his ego and he would not allow himself not to do it perfectly.


3 katlupe May 14, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I just re-read this post and have to add that most of the men in my life are very talented in the kitchen. My father, who just turned 93 years old yesterday and is still preparing his own meals, always cooked breakfast. My mother worked and this allowed her the time to get up and get ready and not have to hurry out there to cook breakfast. He would cook whatever we requested. It figures with a father like that, my brother turned out to be a good cook himself and cooks quite often at home.

My first husband is the only one I can think of who did not cook. I was at work and he called me to find out how to make a cheeseburger. A cheeseburger! You’d think a man who went to college for 9 years and owned a franchise restaurant, Lums could figure out how to make one! I told him to ask our son, who was little then, but he knew how at 8.


4 The Redhead Riter May 15, 2012 at 8:10 am

You have been very lucky, Kat! I would love to have a chef husband! Do you know any single chefs? LOL


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