Jealousy In Relationships – Under Water Or On Land

by Sherry Riter in Bella {a dog's story}  ,Family,Relationship,Turtle

Turtle the turtle

Desperately, in a jealous obsession, I probed every fold of his wallet, frantically searching for any sign that my husband was cheating on me. My heart was racing from both fear that he would catch me pilfering and that I might find evidence which proved I was unlovable. Breathing with quick, small breaths, unhappy fingers finally admitted defeat…or was it success? Nothing was in the wallet except a few dollars, a driver’s license, credit cards and a picture of me.

Twenty-four years ago I was at the peak of my jealous obsession with my first husband. He was oblivious to my spying adventures, although they took place almost daily. I was so insecure and filled with self-loathing. My mind raced constantly with images of my husband and other women even though they were completely unfounded. He had never done anything to provoke my jealousy, so obviously it was all my own doing.

After years of this very tiring behavior, overcoming jealousy became my goal and I sought counseling. I needed a trained professional to teach me how to cope with all the overwhelming emotions that welled up inside of me and escaped in tears of panic. I needed to know why I acted in this manner and what I needed to do in order to banish it from my life.

 

How Overcoming Jealousy Can Improve Your Life

The therapist taught me so much about why I was jealous, the triggers of my jealousy, and how to cope with the emotions that caused my jealous acting out…better known as spying. I mastered the art of stealthily spying on my husband and even though it intrigued me into checking into a career as a private investigator, I’m glad that wild hair of an idea dissipated.

I had a problem with jealousy inside that manifested itself outside and kept me extremely busy with pointless actions and activities. Once I recognized the root cause and worked on healing the crack in my personality, my jealousy disappeared. It was sad to discover how much time I had wasted on this frivolous, pointless emotion.

Jealousy is negative thoughts and feelings brought about because of insecurity, fear, worry and anxiety over a an undesirable loss of something valuable, especially a relationship.

Dealing with jealous emotions rationally helped to make it quite clear that my husband was not cheating on our relationship by seeing other women. Jealousy had proven to be a very undesirable companion and I obliterated its existence in my life. I spent many years after therapy practicing and observing myself to ensure that jealousy did not return to plague me.

Without all the turmoil caused by the erratic jealous actions, I had much more time to pursue my own interests. The nagging feelings had disappeared and freedom to explore, flourish and enjoy life had taken their place. There are not many emotions that can suffocate one’s mind as quickly as jealousy. It also can make the object of your obsession absolutely miserable.

Bella the dog

How To Recognize Jealousy

Every day when I arrive home, the dog barks and the turtle swims back and forth in the tank like he’s lost his mind. They both vie for my attention by making every noise possible. Bella, the dog, barks incessantly while jumping all over me and Turtle kicks up the pebbles at the bottom of his tank and bangs his shell against the glass. With each noise from one, the other tries harder to make even more of a commotion.

At this point, it appears that both creatures are just excited to see me, however, it goes a little further. I have a large recliner next to Turtle’s tank and after depositing my belongings in a heap, I sit down to relax a bit with the rowdy bunch. Peace can not be found, however, because both creatures are extremely territorial and I’m the territory.

If I reach toward the tank to “fake” pet and touch Turtle through the glass or to run my fingers back and forth so he can chase them, Bella leaps on my lap positioning herself between me and the tank so that I am unable to see Turtle. If I move Bella away from my face, she will leap on my back, hang her head over my shoulder and lick my eyes. Through trial and error she discovered that my eyes are the only place she can lick that will deter me from playing with Turtle. Yeah, Bella, my eyes are rather important.

Turtle, on the other hand, is rather trapped because of the constrictive nature of his tank. When Bella monopolizes my attention, Turtle will dig the pebbles so frantically that the little rocks bounce across the bottom of the tank. He also swims back and forth, close to the glass and bangs his shell against the sides of the tank too. All the while, his eyes never leave mine.

Turtle and Bella have a jealousy problem. Actually, it isn’t a big problem because they make me feel wanted and needed. Jealousy looks the same no matter what creature exhibits the behavior. It is cute between this turtle and dog, but in humans, jealousy is extremely unappealing. A spouse who acted like Turtle or Bella on a human level, could drive another person stark raving mad.

Is there a solution to this jealous behavior between Turtle, who lives under water and Bella, who lives quite happily on land? I don’t know if I can solve their jealous problem, but I have found a way to give each the needed attention at the same time. Instead of sitting in the recliner, I now sit on the floor in front of the turtle tank. One arm rests by the tank to play with Turtle. Bella sits in my lap and plays with her toys while I try to grab them. Bella is oblivious as to what my other hand is doing and Turtle has no idea my opposite hand is playing catch with Bella. I have found the win-win in this welcome home committee and a positive spin on the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing.


Rockin' Friends Spotlight of the Week

This is the weekly post where I spotlight my Rockin’ Friends who are the Top Nine active participants and loyal followers in my community! If you want to be mentioned here next week, then all it takes is to come in and start chatting with everyone in my community.

Jealousy hasn’t reared it’s ugly head in The Redhead Riter’s, Witty, Intelligent and Addictive Community. Instead, there are wonderful people sharing life, laughter, friendship and love…really.

With a big, heartfelt thank you for their participation and friendship, here are the Rockin’ Friends this week in order of most participation.

Top 9 Rockin' Friends

I’m so glad that I’ve been able to become friends with these lovely ladies who are so active in my community. I encourage you to add their blogs to your blogroll, but also come over and chat with us in my community.

For everyone mentioned in the top nine this week, feel free to grab the Rockin’ Friend badge below (Yeah, we do crazy poses like that too because we are stylish LOL) and thank you for your participation!!

Rockin' Friend

Until the spotlight next week…Happy Chatting Rockin’ Friends!

Until next week…Kiss your family, hug your friends and don’t forget to be the friend you would like to have around.

 

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Tomas May 17, 2011 at 12:45 pm

you have just wonderful photos on your blog. I was greatly enriched by viewing them. Thank you.
Though I know that the jealousy is the bad feature, yet is it possible not to envy you the miracle that starts you article? As I look at the picture of a turtle, the photo creates a miracle – enables me to see the loss of my blogs in the new light. The hackers destroyed just my art therapy blog, but not its fruits – our renewed attitude toward one other.
Thank you for the article that was pleasure to read too.
Best wishes from Art of Butterfly in Plaster

Reply

2 MsByn May 17, 2011 at 8:45 pm

You are such a GREAT writer. I love reading your insights. I too, used to struggle INSANELY with jealousy and I was a little embarrassed to realize how much of myself I saw in your post. I have mellowed quite a bit over the years, as my husband had never given me even a slight inkling of any wrongdoing and I have learned to trust him after growing up and dealing with my own issues. Great post!

And, btw, I got a little distracted when I saw those cookie dough truffles… my mouth was watering like you would not believe!

Reply

3 Bev May 17, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Another wonderful and thought provoking post. Jealousy is not a pretty thing. And I am glad it isn't in your community. The folks there are wonderful, just like you.

Reply

4 Mama P May 18, 2011 at 1:10 am

I have struggled with jealousy in my own relationship, of my own doing. It is definitely something that I need to overcome. It is very hard to at times.

Reply

5 Anne May 23, 2011 at 2:46 am

Jealousy is a turn-off but it is also human. It does take strength to recognize where we go wrong and get better.I don't believe anyone is immune to it! Makes me think back to my own actions at times. Enjoyed your post; insightful and honest!

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