There was a reason that you got married. Maybe you can’t or don’t want to remember why now that things are not white lace and roses any more, but there was a reason. I can just about bet that no one “made” you get married if you live in the free world. I also believe that you actually felt thrilled on the day that wedded bliss started.
Now, however, babies have come and maybe even left, careers might be on the downward slope toward retirement, and days run into each other without any great emotion of happiness or thrill. There certainly are not butterflies when you glance across the table at each other.
So what is the problem?
Did you grow apart sometime between then and now?
One of the first things to leave the rosy relationship is courtesy. It never stops being shown to strangers, peers, friends or co-workers, but it often ends with the spouse.
There are probably a million answers to that question, but they all boil down to one emotion.
I’m not talking about sexual desire. No, not this time.
What I mean by desire is the non-sexual “want to.” For instance, if you “want to” get a promotion, then you go to your job each day and you work to the best of your ability. You stretch yourself, put in extra hours and volunteer to help others or head up a big project.
Perhaps you “want to” go out to lunch with your friends. It requires that you use some form of communication to find out when and where everyone will meet up. You plan your life activities to accommodate having the time to enjoy the companionship of friends.
In either one of those scenarios, I’m sure you would not interact and communicate with the people involved with screams, belittling, cursing, degrading comments, physical violence, ignoring them or any other type abusive behavior. On the contrary! Your actions would be courteous and polite.
Does your spouse deserve less?
Do you “want to” have a happy marriage?
Get back to the basics of courtesy.
there is always time for courtesy.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
Ways To Be Courteous In A Marriage Relationship
It is easy to take your partner for granted especially when you pass each other like flying soccer balls until you both finally get to plop down in bed. Inevitably, there is going to be one person that immediately falls asleep while the other lies awake with too many thoughts in their head.
No matter how busy you might be during the day, there is still time for courtesy and manners. Here are a few examples of the reasons we should show courtesy to our spouse:
- Somebody works to support the family and makes money which means they sacrifice time and perform labor to keep the family comfortable.
- The laundry gets dirty. It must be gathered, sorted, washed, dried, folded or hung, ironed and put away.
- Three square meals or something close to it gets served each day. That means that coupons have to be cut, groceries purchased, meals planned, food cooked, dishes washed and put away. I can assure you that magical fairies do not perform these tasks.
- Vacuuming, dusting and and all manner of cleaning is performed in order to live comfortably in your home.
- The lawn has to be mowed or the weeds will overtake the house like a haunted mansion. Even if you ride the lawnmower, it is still work. I don’t think anyone sees that chore as recreation.
All of those tasks require work and sacrifice. If no one ever hears “Thank you,” eventually both people are going to feel taken for granted. How much better would it be to hear the words and feel the emotion of gratefulness from our spouse? This one thing, as insignificant as it may sound, is the end of a relationship that is free flowing with love, commitment and positive energy.
Take the time to show appreciation, not only in words, but also by actions.
Yes! Using the example list above. If you come home to a clean and sparkling home, do not drop your dirty clothes on the floor from the front door all the way to the bedroom. That shows a lack of appreciation for the hard work your spouse performed. Personally, this kind of action speaks much louder to me than words, so that is what I mean by actions.
What’s that saying, “Actions speak louder than words.”
Whether your marriage is new, old, happy or sad, remember that courtesy is the key and will add value to the relationship. Practice sincere appreciation and courtesy with people that live with you every day. Most importantly, reiterate your love to the spouse that made you burst into flames of desire when you got married. Yes, physically you felt wild passion, but in your heart and soul, you desired and wanted to be with that person forever even though you knew it wasn’t going to be all white lace and roses.