Flatus and Eructating

by Sherry Riter in Health,Mam-Maw,Memory

As stated in William Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet,

What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

which basically means that names are not the thing or person. Names are just words used for identification, but the essence of the thing or being will remain the same no matter what we call it or him/her.

For instance, I could call a potato an apple, but the potato will still be a potato. A potato will never be an apple no matter how many times I call it “apple.” The name of something doesn’t change the essence of it’s existence.

A potato will never be an apple

Today I was talking with the guys at lunch and it was one of my Steve moments. I always find it so amusing that men and women have such a difference in attitudes about some subjects.

The topic of conversation navigated towards two things which men in general find quite funny while women turn their noses up at the subject:

    Flatus which is better known as a fart, poot, passed gas, breaking wind, barking spiders, fluff, silent killer, air biscuit, cut the cheese, bean bombers, poof, ripsnorter, green fog and toot to name a few and I mean “few”
    Eructate which is just another word for burp, bubble, belch and vurp

Unspoken rules exist for men and women when it comes to passing gas and burping in public, however, I wonder if women produced this chasm? When babies are small and mother’s hold them up to “burp” them, what do they say after the baby has produced an often loud burp? Women exclaim in a happy voice, “Good boy!” or “That’s a girl!” As the child gets older, boys continue to belch loudly because “boys will be boys” especially alone with one another. Girls, on the other hand, suddenly become shy about their bodily noises and try to be “little ladies.”

The tales at lunch today were about loud burping and passing gas in front of wives and friends who were mostly of the same gender. Of course, I don’t have a wife because although I have been dubbed Steve, I really am a woman.

No, I will not prove it.

You’re just going to have to believe me on that one.

Anyway, I started thinking about my grandmother who I call Mam-Maw. Since she has passed away and because I think she would get a big kick out of this whole post, I’m going to share a private story with you. Mam-Maw and I were buddies and she doted on me all the time. I loved spending time with her. When we were alone, she acted AB-SO-LUTELY hilarious.

I was about six years old and staying with Mam-Maw while everyone else was off doing their own thing on a sunny Saturday afternoon. I remember that Gran-Gran, my very hard working grandfather, was outside mowing the yard and gardening.

    “Ohhhhhhhhhh!” Mam-Maw exclaimed in a high-pitched voice as she ran towards the bathroom. Within seconds I heard loud farts that could have blasted the roof off the house.

    “MAM-MAW!” I exclaimed giggling. This kind of loud-bodily-noise-sharing was something totally opposite of the behavior of my prim and proper Mom.

    “Mam-Maw has got to do what she has to do,” she said as if we were discussing someone else.

    “Why are your poots so loud?” I innocently asked her.

    I don’t know if it was my amazement at the whole scenario, but she started giggling. Eventually she couldn’t contain it and the giggles turned into chuckles and eventually morphed into wholehearted belly laughs. Mam-Maw sounded so funny that I couldn’t contain my laughter either.

    The more we laughed, the more she passed gas in a very loud way which only caused us to laugh louder. For whatever reason, Mam-Maw started burping during the midst of all the flatulating.

    I was curled up in a ball on the floor outside of her bathroom door laughing until tears rolled out of the corner of my eyes and my stomach muscles ached.

As you can tell, Mam-Maw and I found great humor in “cutting the cheese” loudly and belching. So as the guys recounted their stories of bombing and being bombed during lunch today, I fondly remembered my stinky times with Mam-Maw.

I do not know why women think passing gas and belching are disgusting and men find them to be sources of great humor and even camaraderie. Maybe it will go down in the annuls of time as one of those Mars vs. Venus differences. I do know, however, that “by any other name” a fart would never smell sweet and that my Mom will still find this post disgusting.

Is that why I am laughing so hard and can barely type?

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 TJ January 19, 2011 at 5:44 am

For gosh sakes , is not anything sacred!!!! My mom!! She was awful when it came to this. We were shopping in Dillards and she let one rip, looks at the horror on my face and with utter disgust said, There is more room out then there is in . Now child, you stop this,lol

You and mom did have a special relationship but I think she had a bad influence on you, even from the grave I can hear her laughing.

I love you



2 Leslie January 19, 2011 at 11:57 am

Java.. you're posts always make me laugh.. you certainly shoot from the hip girlfriend..

Unfortunately, I can so understand this entire post though. It's been no secret in my family that my mother was always a good one for doing the same. In fact, she is a multi-tasker as she would hiccup, cough, sneeze and laugh and then "Fluff" at the same time! My brothers used to bring their "Fart Bag" to the kitchen dinner table and let them go at any given moment which grossed my father out. We talk about such things at the dinner table, but that's just the kind of crazy we are. I have a girlfriend who doesn't "fluff" as she says! My god.. one day I think she's going to explode! It's a natural thing isn't it? Just please.. don't ever 'cut the cheese' when in the grocery store..

Happy Wednesday.. another funny post!


3 EmptyNester January 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Pretty sure that part of the reason, at our house anyway, is all about the timing of the gas expulsions. LOL

Our daughters always though it was funny when their dad did his gas thing…and they are not the kind of girls who hold anything in, shall we say? Oh my…


4 Not Everyone's Mama January 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm

ROFL Love this! It's so true! Here I am as a mother trying to teach my son not to pass gas or burp loudly or all of that in public. It doesn't help. He has my husband as a role model. Pato has not one ounce of shame in his body, swear.

I on the other hand come from a family where girls don't fart they fluff (at least according to my southern relatives). I was raised by a mother who always went into the bathroom to pass gas and if I accidently do it in front of my husband, I start giggling uncontrollably. LOL

My girls on the other hand have no problem doing it in front of family. LOL


5 Nezzy January 19, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Heeehehehhe!!! Girl ya totally cracked me up. This is sooooo true!

Back in the day when I had children ridin' the school bus Social Butterfly came runnin' in the house sayin' that her big bro. Geek Son had used the 'F' word on the bus. Well, bein' a household that didn't even allow the word butt to be used I began to question my son. The 'F' word he said….FART…which was also not allowed. Heeehehehe!!!

God bless ya'll and have a marvelous day sweetie!!!


6 KayT January 19, 2011 at 10:22 pm

I loved your post. It reminded me of some of my memories with my Grandma. But I'll be honest with ya, I have no problem farting/burping in public. I mostly just burp, but I've sent off my fair share of 'silent killers'.

One quick story, lol, when I was growing up, I used to burp SO loud and long that every time my dad burped, he would always say "Darn, not at good as Kaylene"

Hmmm.. I wonder if he still says that.


7 3GirlKnight January 20, 2011 at 6:09 am

Hahahaha! My girlies think bodily functions are the funniest things ever. We even have fart contests. You'd thought I had boys. They have no problem ripping them off whenever or wherever. And I can't help but laugh.

Great post!


8 mimito5 January 20, 2011 at 5:24 pm

LOLOL……oh how I laughed!! And oh how I needed that laugh today:) Growing up, I NEVER heard my Daddy pass gas—-ok..FART! I finally got the nerve to ask him about it at age 80…hehehe…..he assured me he did indeed, but my mother was such a stickler about such things he tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. One I have to tell on myself (now I'm making myself vulnerable!) My husband and I were walking through the grocery store recently and I let what I thought would be a "fluff", but ended up a "pop!" LOL He just howled…..embarrassed me somewhat, but we both got a good laugh out of it:) Bless you, dear 🙂


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