The Redhead Riter - Witty, Intelligent & Addictive: 11/1/10

My Secret Demons and Dragons

The demons and fire-breathingdragons are evil, overwhelming and sometimes it feels impossible to defeat them alone.

Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder Demons and Dragons

How well do you know yourself? Do you know your limitations? Do you think you are armed and invincible?

I am OCD.

No, it isn't an acronym for "One Creative Daughter" or "One Cool Darling." OCD stands for an anxiety disorder called Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder which is characterized by repetitive behaviors performed to help reduce worry, apprehension, and the fear that causes anxiety. In an unexplainable way, participating in the compulsion causes the sufferer to believe that they are preventing the event from occurring.

These actions or habits may appear paranoid or even psychotic. Since the OCD sufferer knows they have this condition and that it is irrational, that knowledge also adds to the anxiety and increases the negative behaviors. In many ways, it is a vicious cycle which causes self-recrimination, self-criticism and/or self-loathing. This disorder can be very alienating.

Some people exhibit this condition by doing actions so obsessively that it causes harm to themselves such as washing their hands until they bleed or brushing their hair until it falls out. Remember my "habit" of picking my lip? Yeah, well, that is probably a bit compulsive and obsessive too. There are also the obsessions such as opening and shutting a door a certain number of times before entering the room or being unable to go to bed with a dirty fork in the sink. These actions are extremes that seem to provide control and comfort for those inflicted with this condition.

Often OCD sufferers are able to channel their obsessive behavior into accomplishing a mind-boggling amount of things such as having a spotlessly clean house, being an over-achiever in their career, or they develop and expand multiple talents.

The only really "obviously weird" obsession that I have involves keeping the door locked. It goes something like this...

I check the front door lock to ensure it is latched.
I walk a little away and then turn around and look at the lock.
I make a statement to myself - "The door is locked."
I turn back around and head for the bedroom all the while telling myself to keep walking because the door is locked.
Right before going into the bedroom, my brain is flooded with the thought that I didn't lock the door. Someone is going to break in! We are all going to die and it will be all my fault because I didn't lock the door!
I go back to the front door and recheck the lock which is still locked.
Now I'm frustrated and tired.
I finally make it into the bedroom and lay down in the bed.
If it has been a really stressful day, before my head hits the pillow, the thought of a burglar bursting through the doors enters my head. I'm immediately filled with fear and feel that if I do not get up immediately, it will really happen.
I leap from the bed and quickly go to the door. Of course, I find the door locked.
Eventually, the nightmare lock scenario ends after this repetitive "checking of the lock" and my brain shuts up and lets me sleep.

That is the only openly apparent and "ridiculous" anxiety that exhibits itself in an OCD behavior for me, however, I have other compulsions and obsessions. When I enjoy doing something like cooking, playing video games, listening to a song, reading, or blogging, to name a few, I do it over and over and over and over again. I have to always be aware that I do not take anything too much to the extreme and "give in" to the behavior.

I'm sure you've heard that you CAN get too much of a good thing. Well, it is true. Sunday I listened to the same song all day long and my family was ready to stuff me in the closet. My only defense is that I like the song, however, that is an OCD behavior!!!

There is one major drawback to this condition which is that I personally do not know my limits. Because of that fact, I am very wary of the things I "start" or "try."

For instance, I have never abused drugs or drank alcohol. I fear that if I "snorted coke" or "got tipsy/drunk" for instance, I wouldn't be able to stop. Unlike the door obsession, a cocaine or alcohol obsession would eventually kill me.

It simply isn't worth the risk to start something that I am unsure I would have the ability to stop.

Knowing this "secret" about myself and my limitations is one of the best weapons against the OCD demons and dragons. I made a decision long ago that I would never abuse drugs or alcohol and that I wasn't going to tempt my weaknesses by even trying them. That decision and the process of getting to that decision is and has been the most powerful weapon in staving off those substances.

The bottom line is that I do not trust myself with participating in behaviors that could harm me or ruin my life permanently, so I avoid them. That really has been the simplest solution and my greatest weapon.

I also surround myself with people who respect my choices.

We all have weaknesses and this just happens to be mine. I understand it and have learned to accept it in my life. Knowing that the demons and dragons are lurking around the corner waiting to pounce, has given me the willpower to remain determined, courageous and strong.

I think of this knowledge as power. I know who the enemy is and how to fight it.

Do you know the dragons that wish to breathe fire into your life? How do you defend yourself and remain strong against your demons?

Helpful Links

International OCD Foundation
Anxiety Disorders Association of America
Brochures you can download
OCD Organizations and Support Groups

What Makes A Man Hot or Sexy?

We learn from very early in our childhood that there is a definite difference between men and women. I don't believe we really realize how vast those differences are until we are older and then some women, well, they never quite get it which is why they nag. That is my opinion, of course.

Because I want my daughter to always remember that she was conceived by two people in love, I am going to talk about her father (my ex-husband) as it pertains to the HF - also known as the Hot Factor which could also be called the Sexy Factor. I'm sure he won't mind a bit.

When I met Alyssa's father, Evan, we were both very young. I was a studious, conservative, naive young woman and he was an older, well-traveled, very tanned, muscled "man" with a mustache, a little scar next to his eye and thick, curly, dark hair. He reminds me of the rugged actor named Tom Selleck. Anyway, I was mesmerized by his brawn and strength which was amplified because of my pale, frail, feminine appearance. We were total opposites like night and day.

I thought Evan was "hot" in every sense of the word as did many other women of all ages which was evidenced every time we went shopping, to church or school. Women stared and he was totally oblivious.

Alyssa seems to think that her parents have been "old" forever, so I have included a few pictures to remind her that her Dad was once young, perceived as "hot" and quite a catch by many.

What makes a man hot?

Let's see...a flannel shirt in the middle of summer, leather pants in a 102 degree desert...No! Not that kind of hot!

The HF (Hot Factor) is different for every woman and it changes as we get older.

Right?

Maybe so and maybe not.

I have been and always will be a sucker for a tough, manly man wearing tight fitting jeans, a flannel shirt and rugged mountain boots. But then again, a dark business suit, white shirt and loosened silk tie is equally as appealing.

One time I read (no I don't remember where, so you don't have to believe me) that the majority of women found men in a pair of blue jeans and fitted white t-shirt was the sexiest look for men. Funny, huh?

As I have gotten older, I've found more things than just appearance make a man hot and high on the HF (Hot Factor) scale. Here are a few of those traits listed in no particular order:

Confidence - When a man is confident, it is evident not only in his body language, but also his choices and actions
Unselfishness
Can play a musical instrument
Humility - He can admit his own faults and makes no excuses for them
Gentlemanliness
Intelligent
Doesn't talk incessantly
Enjoys being a Father - A man who will change a diaper, read books, play Frisbee and teach his children to ride the bike
Eye Contact - He looks at you in the eye when he's listening and speaking
Sense of Humor
Has a great singing voice
Doesn't mind getting dirty because he is handy - He can fix the car, mow the lawn and grow a garden and all the while he is dripping with sweat
Knows when to get clean and put his best foot forward
Wears cologne, but not too much of it
Sensitive to children, women, the elderly, people who are ill and anyone in need
Smiles
Cooks
Doesn't mind cleaning up the house and washing clothes
Conversationalist - He is interesting to talk to and can carry on a topic appropriate conversation
Trustworthy
Strong
Dances well

Do I think one man will or can be all those things? Um...No! There is no such a thing as a perfect man just as there is not a perfect woman.

So ladies, but most importantly Alyssa. Do not search for the perfect man, but decide ahead of time the things that are the most important traits you want in a husband and don't settle. I didn't settle with your Dad even though I was blown away because he ranked high on the physical HF (Hot Factor) scale. I knew he was a good man and that was hot too.

I will say it again...Do not settle for someone just because they are the only person asking you out right now or the only guy you know your age or any other of the numberless reasons you can concoct in your head.

If you are going to get married for-ev-er and you want to be happy, choose your partner wisely. Don't be so overwhelmed by their hotness that you abandon all rational thinking.

If you are already with your partner and it feels like it has been forever (just kidding), take the time to remember why you thought he was hot to begin with and rekindle those emotions. Your husband's will thank me - uh - I mean, your husband's will thank you.

Now it is your turn to spill your guts. What do you think makes a man hot? What do you find hot about your partner?

Disclaimer: My ex-husband did not threaten my life or pay me to write this post (laughing hysterically at my own joke!)

Rockin' Friends Spotlight - Birdie Feet In The Apple Pie

There is often more than one way of accomplishing a task and still end up at the same place or solution. Obsessing over the smaller details can create undue stress. The last thing I want is more stress. Don’t you feel the same way?

I love to cook all the time. I would have been the perfect farmer’s wife with thirteen children. Having a huge table full of happy people eating the food that I prepare is a wonderful feeling, so multiply that by thirteen and it would truly be a blast. I don't think Alyssa would enjoy sharing me with twelve other children.

Anyway, during this Thanksgiving holiday, Alyssa and I made an apple pie from scratch. She wasn’t quite as willing to help this time, but I tremendously enjoyed the company in the kitchen. Alyssa peeled the apples and mixed the filling while I prepared the crust. Then we put it all together.

After sealing the top and bottom crusts around the sliced apple filling, Alyssa created an apple decoration by poking holes in the crust top. I took the knife and made three little slits like a bird footprint. She said, “What’s that?” in a somewhat disgusted voice.

“It’s a little birdie footprint like a bird jumped across the pie,” I said. “Why don’t you try making some?”

little birdie feet in the apple pie crust

little birdie feet in the apple pie crust

Alyssa took the knife from me and started poking slits all over the top crust, smiled and said, “Let’s put it in the oven.”

She wasn't going to bother with "birdie feet."

That was Saturday.

Now it is Sunday night and there is only one piece of apple pie left. Obviously, making straight slits or birdie feet did not affect the outcome of the flavor. It was just a little decoration that didn’t “have to” be one way or the other.

We can apply the same lesson to life. How we get from point A to point B isn’t always that important. The important part is that we make it to point B. Stressing over the smaller details will not bring happiness and may even rob you of the opportunity of a happy moment.

I didn’t care if the pie had slits or birdie feet. Actually, I didn’t care if the whole apple pie was a bad tasting flop. I just enjoyed being in the kitchen with my sweet daughter watching the way she removed the apple peels, wiped the hair out of the way of her eyes, and basically just how she moves. Best of all, she’s my daughter and I love her so much even though she doesn’t have the patience to make birdie feet in the crust on top of the apple pie.

This is the weekly post where I spotlight my Rockin' Friends who are the Top Nine active participants and loyal followers in my community! If you want to be mentioned here next week, then all it takes is to come in and start chatting with everyone in my community.

With a big thank you for their participation and friendship, here are the Rockin' Friends this week in order of most participation:

Joan at A Bad Marriage Is Fattening

Katlupe at Homesteading on the Internet

Bev at Blebco.com

Paula at Love Is A Journey

Kristi at The Child Sensitive Communication Grid

Bry at Embracefire

Lori at Lori's LOLz

Carol at ArtMuseDogs

Heather at But Mom Said

This week the special spotlight is shining on Bry of Embracefire. Bry's "About Me" is as follows:

"Bry is a University Student, model and Fitness enthusiast from Vancouver BC, dedicated to elite health, fitness, and motivation!"

At first glance, you will immediately know that Bry is young, beautiful and has one hot body. I say that in the most respectful way possible, but she is more fit than a fiddle. She is in a contest called the 2011 Bodyspace Spokesmodel Search and we have been voting for her in my community. It is such an easy voting system, so I encourage you to help her win this competition by voting for her through the end of November 30th.

Bry gives all kinds of tips and advice to help with our fitness. Sometimes her advice just smacks me in the head like in the post Junk Food Diet Fads. I don't really eat junk foods, but the advice Bry gave was still applicable..."Reduced calories can only help you for so long; if you really want to improve, and continue improving, you have to plan for long term health and exercise commitments."

Sitting at a desk all day definitely has me asking Where are my abs?? Obviously my abs hide from the mirror, but Bry's advice about engaging my core muscles really makes me think that I could do so much more than I do now.

I loved reading Overcoming Negativity because the message is applicable in all aspects of life. I loved Bry's bold statement that "Negativity begets no good, especially when it comes from the people we are closest too. Hurt and resentment for the people we care most about is something no person wants to feel."

So often if we will just change our Plate Proportions the weight would immediately start dropping off.

Obviously, I must be middle-aged because I had a hard time keeping my eyes off the picture long enough to read Bring the Fire: Be Intense and Sweat Hard! Bry said that the week's topic was intensity and recovery. Well, the picture is so intense that it will definitely take me a while to recover.

There are also other posts that you won't want to miss:

I'm so glad that I've been able to get to know Bry better since she has become active in my community and by reading her blog. Be sure to add Embracefire to your blogroll, but also come over and chat with Bry in my community.

For everyone mentioned in the top nine this week, feel free to grab the Rockin' Friend badge below and thank you for your participation!!

Until the spotlight next week...Happy Chatting Rockin' Friends!

Don't forget to add your blog URL to the Linky at Woo Us To Your Blog and learn blogging tips that will help you have a polished blog and to increase your traffic! This week it is all about making EASY MONEY! Do you EVER use the internet? That's all it takes to make extra cash.

Until next week...Kiss your family, hug your friends and don't forget to be the friend you would like to have around.

Easy Money - The Pros and Cons of Swagbucks

I'm skeptical.

Let me rephrase that...I'm very skeptical and usually have to see to believe just about anything. This is a positive for other people that know me because it means that I make sure something is "good" before I share the idea.

Maybe you roll in money and the thought of making more just repulses you, but then again, you may be as poor as a church mouse and a little more of those green bills would be a welcomed sight.

Either way, I'm going to tell you about something I started at the end of the day on 11-13-2010 called Swagbucks. Why did I give you the date? Because I want you to see that in just two weeks, I've come a long way with Swagbucks by doing just a few things each day.

So let's start at the beginning.

Swagbucks is a search engine (like Google or Bing) that rewards you for searching. Before you quit listening, let me say that I do not use it as my only search engine. I personally love Google and can't give it up, but I surf some using Swagbucks each day and it helps me to earn a little money.

If you are just going to believe me without an explanation, click one of the large SWAGBUCKS buttons below and sign up. I also have a few Swagbucks ads on my blog in the side bar and footer. By getting referrals, not only will my referrals make money, but I will earn swag bucks PER each referral. Each time one of my referrals earn on a search, I will earn a little too. So you will be not only helping yourself earn money, but also helping me. Once you join, you can do the same thing with all your friends, so don't forget to advertise after you get started with Swagbucks.

Really, can you ignore or resist that big red button?

Let me explain how it all works.

The sign up sheet is simple and looks like this:

You will automatically earn "swag bucks" through this entire process of setting yourself up to use the Swagbucks search engine. Let me just say it is all worth it!

Next step is to download the unobtrusive, ad-free Swagbucks toolbar. As you can see below, it is a small toolbar and won't bother you at all. I'm saying that because I'm the number one hater of toolbar mess, so I guarantee that this is a great toolbar and I actually like it.

Okay, hell just froze over because I once swore that I would never like a toolbar.

Now make Swagbucks your home page. You can search on your home page or in the tool bar. There is also a plug-in so you can use it in other toolbars you already have too.

Let me show you an example. I searched for a "button generator" to create the big round buttons you see in this post. When the page loaded with button generator sites, I saw at the top of the search results screen that I earned (see below for a snapshot of my screen) 11 Swag Bucks! Sometimes you have to enter a code to "claim" the swag bucks, but this time I didn't have to do anything other than a little happy dance. Searching the internet will randomly earn you between 5 and 1,000 swag bucks.

Here's a little trick I've learned already - If you already know which site you want to visit, do not just type it in the address bar. Go to the Swagbucks search box and type in the address without the dot com or dot net. For instance, the name of my blog is The Redhead Riter and the URL is http://www.TheRedheadRiter.com. When I want to go to my blog, I type "The Redhead Riter" in the search box. How thrilling do you think it was when I won 5 swag bucks for searching my own blog? Hello!!!

I have also found that when I search for things in a sentence, I tend to get more swag bucks. For instance, rather than searching for "turkey recipes," try "turkey recipes using bay leaves." The Swagbucks search engine loved it! Happy dance time again!

At least once a day, you will earn a swag buck just for opening the browser.

How is all this sounding? Too good to be true? I am telling you that it is great and I will prove it shortly.

Another simple way to earn swag bucks is to answer the question of the day in the "Daily Polls" found from the "Ways To Earn" dropdown menu in the toolbar. If you answer the poll question a day later, you will not receive a swag buck, so be sure to answer it each day.

On the Swagbucks main page, "Special Offers" loop through the great deals of the day. As you can tell, the amount of swag bucks earned vary greatly. Just in the example below, the range is from 2 swag bucks to 2,376 swag bucks. If there is something you want to buy, do it through the Special Offers in order to earn swag bucks while you are buying.

Every hour there is an "Hourly Random Winner" and if you are the winner, just click and win the number of swag bucks shown. In the example below, UnHandy just won 100 swag bucks.

Another great way to earn swag bucks is to watch short videos on "Swagbucks TV." The little clips are usually very interesting. I just watched one on a guy that builds small structures using matchsticks. Amazing since I wrote a post on toothpicks which is very similar!

My only suggestion about the videos on Swagbucks TV is learn how to STOP watching!!!! I rather get hooked because they ARE so short and interesting.

In the tool bar you will see a "Mail" icon. Keep your eye on it. You will frequently get an email telling you a code to enter which will give you extra swag bucks. There is nothing to do other than enter the code before the expiration day and time. Easy! Easy! Easy!

Swagbucks has a strong anti-spam policy, so you will not receive emails from anyone unless you sign up and ask for them. It is sweet heaven!

So what can you use all these swag bucks for and what makes it worth having a toolbar and using a different search engine?

You will get FREE ITEMS THAT YOU CHOOSE TO "BUY" by MAKING MONEY through searches online using Swagbucks! There are all kinds of things that you can buy at the "Swag Store," but my favorites are the gift cards. Below I show a few of my favorites as an example and to the left you can see all the different categories of things you can purchase using your swag bucks. Yeah, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. There are gift cards for Lowe's, PayPal, Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Target and many, many more.

Do I have your attention now? It is soooooooooooooooo worth the effort to use Swagbucks because all you have to do is SURF THE INTERNET and that is something you already do!

Now are you ready to click the huge button and begin this lovely journey of simple money making?

Not yet? I promise that there is no gimmick or catch, however everything has a down side, right?

Well, I already shed some light on a few of the pros so now I am going to tell you the con too. I want you to realize that I'm not trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

Prodege search utilizes metasearch technology to compile results from many of the Web's major search properties, delivering more relevant and comprehensive results every time you search. Swagbucks injects sponsored search results in between the normal results, but they are clearly marked as "sponsored."

This may be aggravating to you, but a little aggravation is worth earning money. Aren't you aggravated when the clock goes off and you have to get up before the rooster crows to drive into your job? Well, yeah, I rather be at home in my pajamas working, so I can put up with a little aggravation of sponsored ads between my search possibilities. Besides, these sponsored search results help pay for the swag bucks we all receive for FREE! The first page usually has the most sponsored ads, but hey, it is just the first page!

If you are looking for another con to using Swagbucks, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I haven't found anything else that is the least bit of a turn off.

Earning swag bucks for searching online is like someone paying me for just being me! It is truly that easy!

Hopefully, I have convinced you to sign up for Swagbucks and to do it through my referral link to help me out too. After you get it all set up and use it for a bit, tell your friends using your referral link which Swagbucks will provide you.

Do you want to see how much I have earned in less than a full two weeks of surfing, watching videos, finding hidden Swag Codes, getting swag bucks in my email, loading the tool bar and all the other things listed above?

Are you really curious?

I could tell you, but I think I will show you for a bigger impact of the worth of Swagbucks...

Convinced? Now are you ready to click the button to begin your Swagbucks journey?

You're welcome!

The last "Woo Us To Your Blog" post explored How To Create Favicons For Your Blog Or Site and I'm wondering if you remember what a favicon is and if you have created one?

As always, attached is the weekly Linky to enter either the main URL to your site or add each post you publish throughout the week. You don't have to do anything special, just drop your link in and get a little extra exposure to your site.

Until next week's wooing post, have fun with Swagbucks and I will see you back here next week with another blogging tip.

Knowing that you are going to love Swagbucks,

Remember, you can stalk the chosen blog the entire week and leave comments. All it takes to be considered for next week's blog as the one that gets stalked is to make a comment during "roll call" for lack of a better term which simply means to leave a comment on this post before next Saturday and comment on this week's stalked blog. If you haven't read the directions about commenting, please hop over "here" and catch up.

I received a comment on my blog the other day that uplifted my soul and I was led to the blog of a beautiful lady blogger named Lidj. I was thrilled to see that she was listed as one of the Woo Us To Your Blog commenters. I'm sure that you are going to enjoy reading Crown of Beauty as much as I do.

The following are a few posts I read while stalking...

To My Daughter If I Could will make it clear that Lidj is a wonderful mother.

Then you have the opportunity to take A Glimpse Into My Garden which appears so lush and inviting.

In Why I Blog you will have the opportunity to really get to know the lovely woman behind Crown of Beauty

Do you want to feel grateful for your life? Explore the hardships discussed in Room Enough and you will feel an abundance of gratitude.

The post called Give Me This Mountain will make you cry. Lidj's love is almost tangible as she speaks of her husband.

Now it is your turn to "stalk" Crown of Beauty and leave comments on the posts highlighted above. Go ahead, make her week!

***As a reminder...Be sure to leave a comment on this post if you want to be eligible for stalking next week!

On my way back to Lidj's blog to read more posts!

The Redhead Riter

Chuckle of the Day - In The Restroom With Mom

I do not make it a habit to talk to people on the phone while I'm in the restroom, but there are a few exceptions to the rule.

The other day I was at work and I needed a break. At just about the same moment I stood to leave my office, my cell phone rang and it was my mother.

"Hello," I answered as I started making my way to the restroom.

By the time I was in my own stall, Mom was talking away and I was just listening. No one had been in the restroom up until that point. I heard the door open and two people came in and went into the other stalls.

The restroom was silent.

Mom then asked, referring to an event she was going to attend, "Do you think you will be able to go too?"

My immediate response was, "I don't think I can go."

Just as I realized how that must have sounded to the other occupants of the restroom, I heard a voice say, "That happens to the best of us. Why don't you just come back later and try again?"

I thought I was going to die of embarrassment.

"Mom, I can't talk right now. I'll call you back later."

Then I heard one lady laugh and the other lady say, "Oh, sorry about that!" and then she started laughing hysterically.

Cell phones!!!!

The Last Bite of Pumpkin Pie

I love pumpkin pie and my sister made a very delicious one for Thanksgiving. The crust was flaky and the filling was smooth and flavorful. With a dollop of whipped cream, it was the perfect ending to a great meal.

As I was eating the pie, I thought about how much Dad loved spending the holidays with us and how much I missed him today. I looked across the table at Mom and felt such a sense of sadness that with each minute, my time with her gets shorter. She said to me once that no matter how much time we have with those we love, it will never be enough.

Mom is so right.

It is never easy knowing that you won't see someone any more because they have passed away. The last time you were with them is truly the very last time you will enjoy their company.

Anyway, one of the saddest moments of the Thanksgiving meal was when I took my last bite of pumpkin pie. Nothing compares to that bite because I know that no other delicious food will follow it and that makes the flavor even better.

"Vegetables are a must on a diet.
I suggest carrot cake,
zucchini bread,
and pumpkin pie.”
Jim Davis

Firsts and lasts are always some of the most memorable experiences. Just for the fun of it, think about some of your firsts and lasts...

Firsts:

First real best friend
First pet
First day at school
First time you rode a bicycle
First date
First kiss
First wedding
First funeral
First job
First car

Lasts:

Last time you cried
Last pet
Last day of school
Last time you rode a bicycle
Last kiss
Last wedding
Last funeral
Last time you said "I love you"
Last time you danced
Last time you smiled at a stranger

As you are enjoying the moments of your life, try to make sure that if this was your last few hours to live, you would truly be living life to the fullest. Savor it like you do the last bite of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving.