Simon Says, “Hello sexy lady!”

by Sherry Riter in Albert,Computer,Family

Blue is my favorite color especially when paired up with white…with one exception. Yes, there is a time that I simply DREAD seeing those two colors together. During those occasions, I feel a jumble of emotions.







Did I mention that I get angry?

I sit in front of a computer each day and feel a sense of relief and relaxation akin to laying across the bed in the sunshine and drifting into an unexpected slumber. This wonderful daily experience is filled with the soft tapping sounds of the keyboard, the announcement of email, the beeps from Twitter and the blips of Facebook. These sounds help me let go of the day and gives my mind a place to release the billions of thoughts and emotions that crowd the space between my ears.


When the the computer monitor turns a bright blue and “dumping physical memory” in bold white letters appear, I freak out.

No, seriously, I FREAK OUT.

Mazes of motherboards, welding, diddlybobs and coowhatziz are beyond me. They totally blur my mind. I simply want to TYPE, not play with hardware and software.

I also feel like my best friend is failing me.

In fact, it is true. Albert, my computer who is named after Albert Einstein, is my BFF (best friend forever). He can’t really call me or go out to lunch with me, but he sings all my favorite songs to me. Albert always welcomes me with “Hello sexy” every time I sit down to talk to him. He is so good for my ego.

We have a very special relationship.

That’s why when Albert (my computer) decided to dump all the physical memory and ostracize me from my internet passion, I was sad and angry. But the worst part was that I had and have no idea how to fix him.

See, Albert’s doctors are expensive. They are more like specialized heart surgeons and they always try to tell me that I need a new BFF or at least a new heart for my new BFF. Those are always such horrible words.


I can’t bear the thought of it which is exactly why my husband is having a go at fixing Albert tonight. I’m currently in the man cave and I’ve started using Simon, my husband’s computer. I named him after “Simon says” because men usually think that just because they “say” it, the women are going to do it, whatever the it may be.

Men have so much to learn. Poor fellas.

Anyway, Simon is…hot if I say so myself.

Oooohhh la la.

I had no idea that Simon was so nifty. Not only is his keyboard AWESOME, but the speakers are totally ROCKING! Wow!

I’m not going to fret about the maze of hardware or depressing software words that pop on my screen because Albert is obviously going through male menopause or at a minimum, has come down with the flu. Hopefully, Albert will recover, but in the meantime, Simon and I are going to listen to lovely music while Bella sleeps peacefully at my feet.

Albert better allow himself to get fixed or Simon is going to become my new BFF especially since…

Simon now says, “Hello sexy lady!” when I open Windows.

I’m sure that will go over great when my husband logs on next time.

The Redhead Riter


This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 eblebco December 22, 2010 at 4:07 am

Here's a cup of virtual "chicken soup" to Albert. We in RedHead Riter world can't wait for the case of the blue screen diarrhea to be cured. We have missed our community leader. May peace reign in your home as the computer crisis clears.

Loved the post!


2 Leslie Limon December 22, 2010 at 4:56 am

Loved this post, but I feel so bad for you. I REALLY love my computer, but I haven't named him yet. I think I'll call him ACE. 🙂 This summer Ace was diagnosed with BSoD (Blue Screen of Death). It was horrible for the both of us. The only way we could be together was in "Safe Mode". Thankfully, the doctors were able to nurse him back to health a couple of months ago. He did give me a little scare today, so I rushed him to the ER. He's fine now, and that's just the way I like it! 🙂

Wishing your Albert a speedy recovery. 🙂


3 Kelly L December 22, 2010 at 5:21 am

Great post… I hate blue and white on my computer too!

I've Become My Mother


4 Danielle-Marie December 22, 2010 at 2:45 pm

It's nice your husband shares "Simon." When my computer crashed I could only use my fiance's laptop for a few minutes at a time and even then I felt like I was annoying him by being on it. I'm equally possessive of my PC though so I guess it works out (so long as we have two functioning computers in the house).


5 Rita alias alatvian December 22, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂
My Albert recover soon-ish!


6 Modista Modesta December 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Sometimes a new BFF is unavoidable.


7 Holly December 22, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Thank HEAVEN for virtual escape and alternate computers! So glad Simon was there to patch the void!

Just yesterday I needed to finish editing an order by noon and have it overnighted for a customer. After a particual DIFFICULT edit… before SAVING (of COURSE) the program froze up and I lost it all, having to start over. The deadline was looming and I CRIED!! I wanted to throw my computer out the window!! This IS the NEW computer… Yes, I restrained… I don't know if I could function without it.

(((HUGS))) to you!! Maybe your hubby will TRADE you computers!! LOL!!


8 Teresa Wilkinson 1984 December 22, 2010 at 5:50 pm

I laughed and yes loved your post. To hear a slight recover of comedy in your voice was so pleasant to hear. I believe slowly and gingerly Red is on her way back no matter what Albert is doing.

Love ya Red,



9 melissa December 29, 2010 at 4:55 am

poor albert.
mac (my computer) was dropped on the floor in a fit of rage by jerk (my son) a couple of years ago.
it devastated me. i don't think i've ever really recovered.
i had to get a new computer though. a fancier version that i call mac (i'm not very original). he is my bff. he's actually quite perfect. it's my uverse that sucks.
i hope albert says on the mend for you.



Leave a Comment

"How rare and wonderful is that flash of a moment
when we realize we have discovered a friend."

~William E. Rothschild~

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I respond back to all comments.


Previous post:

Next post: