Marriage – The Written Word And Sex

by Sherry Riter in Marriage series,Sex



Desires Of You
by Michael Yeazel

Eyes beckon
To desires
Moisten lips
Across fingertips
Wanting sighs
A longing quest
Eyes are closed
And lips are pressed
As passion stirs
In tenderness

Woo, that’s hot and that’s precisely what I want to talk about for a minute. So you already know that older women like having sex and that talking to each other is very important. Communication between a husband and wife can solve problems and bind them together as long as women leave the nagging out of the mix.

What does that have to do with the written word? When Tom and I were newly weds, he emailed me sweet and often passionate letters several times a day. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise anyone because, well, we were just married and everything was new.

Have you heard the saying that the only thing a man needs in order to be ready to have sex is for the woman to show up naked. Okay, no big shocker there either. There is definitely a difference between men and women. It is the whole Mars and Venus thing as discussed by John Gray or as my grandmother would say, “He’s just a man.” She was obviously a smart woman.

Anyway, sex is a big part of marriage. When two people get married, they usually can’t keep their hands off each other. Nothing is needed by either one of them because the hormones are racing like thorough bred horses with every touch, glance, phone call, or letter.

  • Time passes and the newness turns old.
  • Maybe a few kids now populate the family.
  • Bills pile up in the basket to be paid.
  • One or both spouses work long hours away from home.
  • Body image issues have emerged.
  • By the end of the day, one or both partners are just too tired.

So much for having an active sex life.

There is hope, so don’t give up.

Sex is an expression of who we are and how we feel. With that being said, we must first know ourselves before we can express it. Our first responsibility is to know who we are and to feel comfortable expressing our sexuality.

Men are thinking, “Okay, that’s not such a big revelation,” and women are saying, “But I have this flaw and that flaw, blah, blah, blah.” Just stop talking like that women! When a man has you in his arms, he is thinking about you and that is it. His body is so alive that he does not have space in his brain or the desire in his body to be anywhere except for in your arms and body.

So the first step for women, before the man is even in the picture, is that you prepare your body and brain for the experience. Maybe take a shower and appreciate the beauty of your womanliness. Do whatever it takes to help you feel sexual, be it shaving, applying lotion, dabbing on perfume, or just putting on a nightie that you do not wear often. The whole time you are primping on yourself, THINK ABOUT SEX.

The neurochemical in the brain that is behind the craving or desire you have for sex is called dopamine. Your brain loves the feeling of a dopamine release. The more dopamine released, the higher your drive to have sex.

All that information is lovely, but what about all the reasons listed above that have wiped out the desire to have sex at all or even think about it?

That is where writing steps in to play. If you are reading this post, you either like to read and/or you like to write. Therefore, when I tell you that you must write your partner notes to help turn yourself on, it shouldn’t really be that hard to do.

“I love you” on a note is great, but can you get a little more original and even graphic? Remember, the intention is to not only turn on your partner, but to also help increase your desire and readiness to have sex. How about a note that says, “I love you more each time I feel your hot lips caressing my neck.” Do you see the difference? Literally, did you see a vision of those words in your head?

We all know that women take longer to actually enjoy the sexual experience, so the key is to start the whole process long before you are rolling in the hay or sheets. Call your spouse and have a sexually explicit wooing conversation. Describe what you want to do to each other or role play for a few moments on the phone. When you hang up, keep the words your partner said in the forefront of your mind. The dopamine will increase and you will feel more sexual.

Yes, this is EFFORT, but well worth it. The more in tune you become with your emotions and body, the quicker you will be able to relax and enjoy your own sexuality. Gert Holstege, a Dutch scientist, discovered that when we have an orgasm, the scans of the brain are similar to those of people having heroin rushes. Obviously, sex and dopamine are a powerful combination. Use that information to your advantage.

Bottom line is that if you want to continue having healthy, happy, enjoyable sex after the newness wears off, you have to be willing to do a little preparation work in your brain. Since we all know that ladies can think of about a million things at once, dedicating some time to thinking about your sexy spouse making love to your sexy body shouldn’t really be that hard.

Having exciting sex starts with the desire to express our love sexually and motivating dopamine production is the first step.

As George Strait sings, “Baby write this down, take a little note.”

Great advice.

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Mrs. K November 23, 2010 at 5:05 am

A a fairly newly married woman I appreciate you writing this. It's definitely something to consider before the "bills pile up" or little boogers start running around. So good to hear a fellow lady talk so explicitly about this. Thanks.


2 Holly November 23, 2010 at 3:17 pm

I couldn't help it… TWEET!!!!/HJPix/status/7089567362453507

This makes me think of that Progressive commercial… "It only get BETTER with AGE…" *sigh*

OH!! And take it from a chronic headache/migraine sufferer, ladies… it HELPS a headache… so don't be using THAT as an excuse. If nothing else, it's a good distraction from it for a bit.

I just tell the hubs I need headache medicine an he SHIVERS! TeeHee!! ;p


3 katlupe November 23, 2010 at 4:51 pm

You must have been reading my mind! Our computers are right next to each other, but we get so busy through out the day, sending a sexy email to my hubby gets him to STOP whatever he is doing IMMEDIATELY. It is funny that men are like that, I usually HAVE to finish what I am doing and have to be lured away. Like you said, I have to get ready.


4 Kaylene Thompson November 23, 2010 at 9:42 pm

It's such a relief to read someone's opinions and advice about sex. I really enjoyed this post!
Our minds are powerful things, and I think we forget how much power they have when we're constantly letting it get distracted. At least, I know I'm guilty of that. 🙂


5 Artmusedog & Carol November 24, 2010 at 2:17 am

Great advice ~ hope everyone is busy taking notes or wribting them ~LOL ~ Sex can also be very spiritual ~ hugs and namaste, cz:)
Read: Living in the Light by Shakti Gwain ~


6 Teresha@Marlie and Me November 25, 2010 at 3:21 am

Are you going to start a radio sex talk show? cause I'd listen! I realize it can take some effort for women to get "in the mood" sometimes, but men can help with that by bringing the romance!


7 Grammy Suzzy November 27, 2010 at 11:13 pm

As usual…you help me…again! Been happily married over 30 years…and I have been sitting on my duff, aggravating him, waiting for HIM! Never before did I think that I had a share in this…just thought I was too old to feel "that" anymore. Thank you…gonna try this tonight, and from now on!


8 Autism Mom January 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

WOW! what a fantastic blog…great advice on marriage. So glad I came to visit;)ur new follower!


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