Image: Tomek Dyczewski
by Michael Yeazel
A longing quest
Eyes are closed
And lips are pressed
As passion stirs
Woo, that’s hot and that’s precisely what I want to talk about for a minute. So you already know that older women like having sex and that talking to each other is very important. Communication between a husband and wife can solve problems and bind them together as long as women leave the nagging out of the mix.
What does that have to do with the written word? When Tom and I were newly weds, he emailed me sweet and often passionate letters several times a day. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise anyone because, well, we were just married and everything was new.
Have you heard the saying that the only thing a man needs in order to be ready to have sex is for the woman to show up naked. Okay, no big shocker there either. There is definitely a difference between men and women. It is the whole Mars and Venus thing as discussed by John Gray or as my grandmother would say, “He’s just a man.” She was obviously a smart woman.
Anyway, sex is a big part of marriage. When two people get married, they usually can’t keep their hands off each other. Nothing is needed by either one of them because the hormones are racing like thorough bred horses with every touch, glance, phone call, or letter.
- Time passes and the newness turns old.
- Maybe a few kids now populate the family.
- Bills pile up in the basket to be paid.
- One or both spouses work long hours away from home.
- Body image issues have emerged.
- By the end of the day, one or both partners are just too tired.
So much for having an active sex life.
There is hope, so don’t give up.
Sex is an expression of who we are and how we feel. With that being said, we must first know ourselves before we can express it. Our first responsibility is to know who we are and to feel comfortable expressing our sexuality.
Men are thinking, “Okay, that’s not such a big revelation,” and women are saying, “But I have this flaw and that flaw, blah, blah, blah.” Just stop talking like that women! When a man has you in his arms, he is thinking about you and that is it. His body is so alive that he does not have space in his brain or the desire in his body to be anywhere except for in your arms and body.
So the first step for women, before the man is even in the picture, is that you prepare your body and brain for the experience. Maybe take a shower and appreciate the beauty of your womanliness. Do whatever it takes to help you feel sexual, be it shaving, applying lotion, dabbing on perfume, or just putting on a nightie that you do not wear often. The whole time you are primping on yourself, THINK ABOUT SEX.
The neurochemical in the brain that is behind the craving or desire you have for sex is called dopamine. Your brain loves the feeling of a dopamine release. The more dopamine released, the higher your drive to have sex.
All that information is lovely, but what about all the reasons listed above that have wiped out the desire to have sex at all or even think about it?
That is where writing steps in to play. If you are reading this post, you either like to read and/or you like to write. Therefore, when I tell you that you must write your partner notes to help turn yourself on, it shouldn’t really be that hard to do.
“I love you” on a note is great, but can you get a little more original and even graphic? Remember, the intention is to not only turn on your partner, but to also help increase your desire and readiness to have sex. How about a note that says, “I love you more each time I feel your hot lips caressing my neck.” Do you see the difference? Literally, did you see a vision of those words in your head?
We all know that women take longer to actually enjoy the sexual experience, so the key is to start the whole process long before you are rolling in the hay or sheets. Call your spouse and have a sexually explicit wooing conversation. Describe what you want to do to each other or role play for a few moments on the phone. When you hang up, keep the words your partner said in the forefront of your mind. The dopamine will increase and you will feel more sexual.
Yes, this is EFFORT, but well worth it. The more in tune you become with your emotions and body, the quicker you will be able to relax and enjoy your own sexuality. Gert Holstege, a Dutch scientist, discovered that when we have an orgasm, the scans of the brain are similar to those of people having heroin rushes. Obviously, sex and dopamine are a powerful combination. Use that information to your advantage.
Bottom line is that if you want to continue having healthy, happy, enjoyable sex after the newness wears off, you have to be willing to do a little preparation work in your brain. Since we all know that ladies can think of about a million things at once, dedicating some time to thinking about your sexy spouse making love to your sexy body shouldn’t really be that hard.
Having exciting sex starts with the desire to express our love sexually and motivating dopamine production is the first step.
As George Strait sings, “Baby write this down, take a little note.”