It is the caring warmth bubbling inside the soul’s well that flows, spills and surrounds people with whom we want to share our lives.
This wonderful feeling and emotion is a gift that we freely wrap in a beautiful package with a big bow and give to others.
A simple emotion that gets complicated.
Just a little word with four letters.
After receiving this beautiful gift, it requires attention and sacrifice. Being able to love someone unconditionally creates a bond more powerful than anything man can create or invent.
Love spans distance, space and time.
Love is kind, sweet, giving, selfless, gentle, peaceful, grateful, empathetic, graceful and endless.
My mind has been a chaotic mess, not so much because I know that Dad is dieing, but because he was suffering excruciating pain.
As his doctor told me, today was an “eventful” day for Dad. However, this afternoon they have connected him to a morphine drip and given him power to press the button to release more medication as the pain resurfaces. He has regained some power, dignity and a little relief.
I have reflected on the essence of love today. My focus and concern has been with getting him some peace for his disease ridden body.
Today I accepted that Dad is dieing and my heart aches for all the opportunities of sharing love that we will be unable to experience. His time in this mortal existence is nearly over and apparently mine is not.
Cancer is ravaging his body and consuming everything it can touch.
Is there a greater lesson for him to learn and is there a lesson that I should also be learning?
Death makes life feel more precious, fragile and important.
I have a habit that drives most people crazy, but today I am thankful for being me. When an event occurs that “could” make another person feel guilty if I were to float into Heaven the next day, I say something like…
“If I die and go to Heaven tomorrow, you don’t have to feel guilty for blah-blah. I love you and (pick the appropriate wording) “forgive you, am proud of you, will always be grateful to you, etc.”
I do not want to leave this planet and cause another more pain than “missing me” pain. Of course, some might be happy to see me go!!!
Many years ago I insisted on having one of these conversations with Dad. I could tell that he did not want to discuss any of the things of which I spoke, but because he loves me, he listened. Eventually, he opened up and spoke freely. I encouraged his conversation and comforted him as he wept.
I gave Dad the gift of forgiveness that day and in so doing, a peaceful bonding love emerged between us. We all make mistakes and I do not have the right to judge him nor do I want to do so. I just want to love and be loved by him. He gave me all of himself that he could give and it was enough.
So today I know that Dad feels just as I do. There is no urgent last second apology required and each “I love you” is just a little bit more icing on our cake.
I love my dad and sorry that he must bear this pain. I am comforted knowing that eventually “this too shall pass.” When he steps from this mortal existence, he will hurt no more.
Dad. Three letters that go nicely with four other letters. Love. There’s enough love bubbling inside our two souls to span the distance between Heaven and Earth.
That is something for which I am truly grateful.