Marriage – Sex and the Older Woman

by Sherry Riter in Marriage series,Sex

sex and the older woman
Image source: De Lach by Peter Kemp©

Older women are much more sexual than younger women according to an article in the July issue of Personality and Individual Differences by University of Texas psychologist David Buss and three graduates listed as Judith Easton, Jaime Confer and Cari Goetz. The research discovered that women between the ages of 27 and 45 not only had more sex, but also more intense sexual fantasies than women from the ages of 18 through 26 years old.

What is the relevance of this information as it pertains to a married couple or intimate sexual relations between men and women? Men reach their sexual peak around 16 which lasts for several years. Men remain at a lower sexual level through at least their early 70’s while women’s sexual drive decreases after menopause.

Sounds like a cruel joke doesn’t it?

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure,
its’ the ability to be able to feel
so close to a person, so connected,
so comfortable that it’s almost
breathtaking to the point
you feel you can’t take it.
And at this moment you’re a part of them.”

There are a few things which I think are very important to remember.

  • Sex begins in the mind. Fantasies are healthy.
  • Two people in love find comfort and belonging as well as excitement in each other’s arms.
  • Women require more time to become sexually aroused, however, as men age, they also need extra time.
As women age, they become financially stable and mentally independent. The older woman is:

  • comfortable in her skin
  • knows how to satisfy and be satisfied
  • confident
  • feels in control of her life
  • has faced her insecurities and fears
  • sexually empowered

All of these characteristics contribute to her sexual freedom and eagerness to have intimacy often, but being active sexually frequently doesn’t happen later in life. One of the reasons that women’s sexual drive decreases after menopause is because their partner is usually older and either has less desire to participate or too ill to continue an active sexual lifestyle. This does not have to happen. Women can be in control of their sexuality and there are many things that can be done to remain a sexual woman.

In a loose abstract, having sex is like eating potato chips. If you open the bag and and eat a chip, you can’t stop at just one. Ensuring that sex remains an integral part of the marriage aids in strengthening the relationship. It also contributes to better overall health. Age may require some adjustments to having a positive sexual experience, but it can still be fulfilling, exciting and strengthen the marriage bond.

Now there is scientific data that supports the importance of a lifetime filled with positive sexual experiences. No longer do you have to feel shy in expressing what you want and taking the lead when you want to participate in an intimate experience. Remember, sex starts in the mind and we all know how a woman’s mind works. Sex can be fun! The possibilities are limitless!

Do you feel more empowered?

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jorja July 21, 2010 at 12:17 am

today there are so many "outstanding" factors that can affect a woman's sexual desire and ability to participate fully in sex. anti-depressants that have an effect on libido are a real downer…i know many women who would rather chew nails than have sex! 😉


2 theTsaritsa July 21, 2010 at 12:18 am

I have a few years to go, I guess…


3 MrsCaptKerk July 21, 2010 at 2:02 am

This was interesting.

However, the only thing that strikes me odd is the list of how "empowered" women are as they get older.

Now, I am only 24, so I realize I can't say from personal experience. But, "older" women I've talked to aren't necessarily more comfortable in their skin, confident and in control. I personally think that's a stereotype thanks to Demi Moore.

I have a few female friends who are in this demographic you speak of, and I can say from their stories and experiences, they are in a similar position as myself when it comes to self awareness and insecurities.

I'm not saying there aren't women in this age group who aren't in control, I just think these types of studies are a little skewed.


4 Helen July 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm

This is interesting, I don't think there's anything there to disagree with.


5 Charlotte July 21, 2010 at 6:58 pm

A post that really speaks to my heart (and interestingly enough, it's what I had been planning for my next blog topic).

I am in my 30s (31, to be exact) and I can say that I've never felt better. Sure, I have insecurities like everyone else, but I'm MUCH more confident than I ever was in my 20s. I honestly think there are certain life experiences that happen in our late 20s that help to shape who we are. There's a self-realization that goes on that (in my case, anyway) gave me the courage and confidence to do things I never would have in my 20s.

That being said, I am also crazy with the libiido lately. Thank god for hormones 🙂 It's a beautiful thing, truly. Sex even feels better at this stage in the game.


6 Anonymous July 22, 2010 at 1:43 am

Hello young ladies, I am Sherrys mom. I am 66, and I am as sexual now as I was in my twenties. I laugh because when I was twenty, I thought older people do not do it any more!lol Trust me they do. It all comes from what you think of your self. If you think oh I am 66, then you will be 66! I never think of age, I think me. I think as I always have , just living and being me. So look foreward to a long breathless life,lol

p.s. sorry Sherry , I know you are cringing


7 gaelikaa July 23, 2010 at 6:54 am

It's nice to know it's not all over just because you're advancing in age…


8 Holly October 16, 2010 at 12:32 pm

As my kids tell me, "MOM!! I really don't need to KNOW!" However, my daughter recently invited me to her "Slumber Parties" party and my jaw droped! NOT because she was having one, but because she WOULD INVITE ME… I think she and her friends will feel more comfortable if I don't go… I wouldn't want to make them insecure or anything. LOL!
Think of that Progressive Insurance commercial: LOL!!


9 Lex the mom June 25, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I know I'm late to the party, but I wanted to let you know I'm thankful for these marriage articles.

I love that your mom posted on this particular subject!! I would be cringing, just like when my mom told me her libido is back & oh so good (after menopause) – like I needed to know that.

It takes only a few seconds to get me going & minutes before I'm super ready. I can attest that in my early 20s it didn't come this easy. I think that's partly due to the fact that we (the husband & I) were still learning about each other. Maybe it's an age thing, I dunno. It's so awesome!!


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