I’ve been rather blue lately, so staying motivated and positive has been a real struggle. I know that everything passes eventually, but I’m one of the unlucky souls that feels everything deeply. In a way, it has made me a better person because I am sincere, passionate, ambitious, loving, and will give you anything whether it be my possessions, time, or listening ear, but none of that really makes it any easier. When you have a problem, no matter who you are, it is a struggle.
I don’t really expect anything back except to be loved and appreciated. I can’t be bought with “things” or “money”…maybe chocolate…just kidding. I’m simple like that and as the years are rolling by, I’m getting more simple.
On the flip side, I worry constantly about everything and everyone. It doesn’t matter if you are my family or a homeless person on the television news, I feel pained at your unhappiness and misfortune. That is one reason I can’t watch too much news…it makes me cry all the time.
My family is relatively small and we have been pretty close through the years. With the modern conveniences of email and text messaging, we have been able to stay in touch without actually seeing each other, but nothing really replaces a face-to-face visit. I have been dreading the eventual day that Alyssa grows up and moves out. I try to prepare, but it hangs over my head like the dreaded doom.
Anyway, Alyssa is my only child and truly the sunshine of my morning. She is a culmination of all the things I could wish for in a child. I’m not a perfect mother and I haven’t been able to shower her with every conceivable material item that becomes hot, but I have done my best to provide her with the most important thing of all…love. I know Alyssa loves me for me which is all I’ve ever wanted as a person or a mother. I look at her all the time with her bouncy blond hair, big brown eyes, and smooth skin and think, “How did I ever deserve having her as MY child?”
Last night was one of those moments that makes living all worth it. She came to me and said,
- “I’m so glad you’re my mother. Because of all the things you have taught me, I am able to be the person that I am and know the things that I know. I really appreciate you and love you.”
Needless to say, you know I immediately cried. Here stands a beautiful, young woman staring at me saying these words. I don’t think life can really get much better than that moment.