drugs and alcohol

Whether you call it a falsehood, calumniation or prevarication, they all mean the same thing…lies, lying and telling lies.

I’ve known people, as I am sure you have too, that tell lies as quickly and as believably as they tell the truth. People usually lie for the same reasons:

1. to make themselves look good
2. to protect themselves
3. to avoid punishment
4. to gain socially and/or financially

Most people tell some form of lie such as:

1. I’m fine.
2. You look like you lost weight.
3. I need just five minutes of your time.
4. The check is in the mail.
5. She/He is just a friend.

When a person tells a lie or multiple lies all the time, they have broken the golden rule which is to treat others the way you want to be treated.

If the liar involves a group of people with their lie, it is usually to get all the attention off of themselves. They need a way to justify their actions or to have sympathy.

Let’s take an example…If your best friend tells all your other friends that you screamed at her, then all the “bad” attention is thrust on you. The fact that your best friend is angry because you no longer trust her becomes irrelevant to the group.

Trust is something earned and easily betrayed.

It is easy to mistrust liars, cheaters, thieves, and addicts while they are involved in unscrupulous activities. Their lifestyle choices are dishonest, unhealthy and/or dishonorable. Caring for individuals who have this type of value system or problems with one of the aforementioned is often heartbreaking. Everyone has free agency, however, it is difficult to be involved in someone’s life when they are self-destructive. Loving someone means you want them to be happy. To gloss over or turn a blind eye to their behavior is to condone and justify it. Denying my own value system is not an option. Not to say I am perfect, however, I never deserve to be falsely accused or have my “sins” listed with vile language as retaliation because I no longer have trust for a person who often acts and is out of control.

Someone has done this to me. I did not accuse her of any of her sins or say anything that cut her to the bone. Everything I said, she took it and ran a million miles overboard with it. I tried to shield the person we were talking about, but instead she not only involved that person, but decided to slander me to my own daughter too. I guess she feels that she and the now untrusted person have the right to bring up things and throw them in my face.

They don’t have that right.

They shouldn’t have done it either.

They really shouldn’t have involved my daughter.

Have you ever heard the term “guilty by association”? If you are in the car with someone who robs a bank, smokes pot, has drugs, or has an open container of alcohol while driving, they can arrest everyone in the car for the same crime. That is what it means to be guilty by association. Well, people go to jail for that kind of thing.

So should I retaliate with full force because of the wrongness of this person’s act towards me? Should I tell all her secrets? Should I bring up all her sins?

I’m not going to at all just like I didn’t earlier.

I will no longer have this person in my life because obviously there was no love for me to begin with…love does not speak such vile language of arrogance and then slander me to my own daughter.

What was the gain?

What was the purpose?

Did it really make her feel that much better?

If I had lived back in Biblical times, she would have already stoned me. That’s what her words felt like…pelting stones.

It broke my heart and since I’ve had a lot of that, my heart doesn’t heal that great nor fast.

Will I forgive her?

Yeah, the last five seconds before I die.

I guess I sound bitter and am acting un-Christian.

You can just add this to your list of another sin of The Redhead Riter.

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

1 mom2three February 2, 2010 at 3:15 pm

oh I am so sorry! I have huge mistrust issues because of things that have happened in my past. Forgiveness is hard but I can tell you from experience that when you are ready to forgive you will know. If anything forgiveness helps you not the other person.
I hope your day gets better!


2 Teresha@Marlie and Me February 3, 2010 at 5:51 pm

I know how you feel! but don't let this cruel person leave you bitter. just say "I you forgive, but no longer want to associate with you." that is one of the most graceful forms of confrontation and will make her/him think twice about what repeating the offense


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