Is He Listening?

by Sherry Riter in Communication,Relationship

Is he listening?

Do you find it hard to hold his attention whether “he” is your boyfriend, husband, co-worker or boss?

Do you ever find yourself talking a mile a minute to a man and he is saying, “Mmmhmm” over and over at just the right intervals and his eyes have a distant look in them?

Let’s be honest. Women expect too much conversation from men in general.

Before you object just hear me out and be honest.

According to recent research, a woman will speak about 20,000 words per day versus a man’s 13,000 words. Also cited: women speak faster than men; women spend more time on conversations such as gossip; talking triggers brain chemicals that flood our system which gives us a high similar to a drug or alcohol rush ; women find pleasure in hearing their own voice; and women want to tell about all the minutia. This doesn’t make women bad, it just makes us very different than men.

Understand that men basically have one thought at a time running through their minds instead of the billion that remain in constant motion in a woman’s mind. Yeah, I exaggerated a bit, but the effect of the differences is the same. Women keep talking and men quit listening.

So here are a few tips to help you hold a man’s attention:

  • Timing. Don’t try to start an in-depth conversation when he is: falling asleep, engrossed in a movie, in the middle of mowing, screaming at the television during a football game, or any other moment along those lines.
  • Say what you mean and mean what you say…Don’t ask him if he thinks your new dress makes you look fat if you don’t really want to know the truth. If you need him to give you a compliment, simply ask him for what you need. Forget about hinting. Men don’t pick up on them.
  • Discuss one subject at a time. Remember, men do not have a multi-level interstate highway brain. Their brain is more like a country road on the scenic route. I mean no offense to men in that statement. I like country roads (wink). Men take things one at a time, so present your conversations one at a time also.
  • Men fix it. If you are going to talk about your problems expect that the man is going to try to fix it. That is what they do. They fix our cars, dishwashers, garbage disposals, door locks, air conditioners, and the list just gets longer and longer and we love it! If you want the man to just listen, prelude your conversation with this piece of information and make your conversation short. Don’t expect something from a man that he can’t do and listening to you babble on and on and on just isn’t in his list of great traits and qualities.

You can speak in a man’s language. A man and a woman can have a quality conversation. However, if at any given moment you find that your husband is not “in” the moment while you are talking, just throw in the word “sex” and watch how he quickly focuses on just you.

The Redhead Riter

This post was written by...

Sherry Riter is also known as The Redhead Riter. Sherry is witty, intelligent and addictive as she writes about cooking, family, marriage, failures, blogging tips, art, humor, inspiration, travel, PTSD and aging. Her goal is to inspire, motivate, educate and to make her audience laugh. Sherry embraces being a redhead and helps others to see the redhead point of view…"In some eras redheads were worshipped while others thought us witches. Personally, I like the former and think every day is 'Love a redhead day!'" She can also be found on Facebook, Google+, Pinterest, StumbleUpon, Linkedin, tweeting as @TheRedheadRiter and you can subscribe to her free blog feed.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Under the Influence January 22, 2010 at 1:44 am

I don't usually get that vacant look from my husband – mainly because when I start my conversation, his eyes go directly to the newspaper. He does still mumble "uh-huh". Sometimes.


2 PJ January 22, 2010 at 3:48 am

That was really good, but if I dissected all of the times when you said not to start a conversation with hubby, we would NEVER talk! LOL!
He's always on the computer, in the middle of a computer game,or watching a movie on tv or the computer. That is unless it's nice weather outside, if that's the case, he's "busy" out in his shop working with power tools and doesn't like to be disturbed then either. The only time we talk is if he heads to the kitchen for something to eat or drink, or the bathroom (he has to go through the living room to get to the kitchen and my bedroom to get to the bathroom. It's inevitable we meet. LOL!

Great piece though! I cracked up at the video!
Huh! Learn somethin' new everyday. I've been misspelling dissect for a very long time.

Love & Prayers,



3 bluecottonmemory January 24, 2010 at 5:39 am

Yes, I have told my husband when I'm talking about a problem that I don't want a solution – I just want someone to listen.

I have also told my sons that they will know the perfect girl God made for them when she speaks and they fall asleep! LOL!

Oh, that video is too wonderful! I'm calling my husband in to see that! That Brit humor is so finely honed!


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