Bird Flu and Swine Flu?
For bird flu you need tweetment and
For swine flu you need oinkment
I went to Walmart…before I go further, I am not one of those Walmart people that you see pictures of looking TOTALLY hideous in the weirdest attire possible. I was wearing jeans, a sweater (an old lady sweater per Alyssa since it had Christmas embroidered things on it), sneakers, my makeup and my hair “fixed” as usual. They are the cheapest place to buy groceries and although I hate it, I have to go there for my economic survival.
Anyway, as I was approaching the store, the first thing I thought was “Do I need a shopping cart?”
I went through my short list in my head.
The next thought, quite apprehensively, was that I did indeed need a cart. As I approached the plastic adorned metal box on uneven, goo stuck wheels, I knew that I had to touch the handles.
I looked around at the people heading for the shopping cart corral.
Half looked unbathed with hair that stuck off their heads like venomous snakes ready to attack anyone that ventured too close. The demeanor of the face adorned by these snakes was also not any kinder.
A fourth of shoppers looked like respectable albeit grumpy people. I would include all those women who were dressed to the nines with high heels and gobs of jewelry. A smile would have actually helped them to look attractive. I don’t understand why so many women want to dress up to go grocery shopping in Walmart, but to each their own. At least their hair wasn’t going to attack me.
The last fourth were germ infested, smiling, beautiful, little angel children. Many of these priceless pearls would climb into the front of the shopping cart or were placed in the back of the shopping cart. I would have to say that a large portion of these most loving humans on the earth would suck or lick various parts of the cart or do the same to their hands and then touch the cart. Then there were also those sweet bumpkins who would wipe their nose with a tiny little hand and then touch the cart.
Now, it was my turn to take a cart by placing my hands in the same place so many others had touched…in one way or another.
I hesitated only a second.
Then I touched the shopping cart handle.
I think I could feel germs crawling up my arms racing toward my face in order to find an orifice in which to enter and contaminate me with horrible germs.
I continued to push the three wheeled cart forward through the store. I say three wheels because one of them was slightly higher than the rest and it never touched the floor. Instead, it just kept spinning around and around like a carousel at a county fair that had gone crazy or maybe that woman’s head on the Exorcist.
By the time I checked out with my few items I felt that trying to avoid germs was impossible in a store due to the grimy cart and people who cough and sneeze without covering their mouth or nose.
I’m sure you can guess the first thing I did when I got home…
No! I didn’t wash my hands.
I took a bath and watched all those germs go down the drain.
I think there were millions.
If I get sick I will have to go back to the same store and buy some tweetment and oinkment.
Didn’t see that last one coming did you?